Premier League Round Up (19-25 2022)

[tlw content]

What a weekend. The title race is back on thanks to Spurs (a sentence no-one could have ever foreseen) and Everton are still in the thick of a relegation battle after they lost and most of the other bottom feeders won. Match of the Day was an absolute treat this weekend.

 

I’ll start with City’s loss as there’s so much to unpack from that. Firstly, let me blow my own trumpet by saying I sort of called this one. Not exactly, as I didn’t categorically say Spurs would win, but before we played Norwich I was saying to anyone who’d listen that I fancied Spurs to “get something” because the way to hurt City is with counter attacks, and Spurs are really good at them as they have Kane and Son.

 

There’s another element to it as well. Spurs are one of only half a dozen or so teams that aren’t scared of City. A lot of teams are beaten before they even start. Remember when Frank Bruno walked to the ring against Mike Tyson and he was making the sign of the cross the whole time? That’s Burnley, Watford, Everton, Brighton etc when they face City.

 

Spurs though? Enough of their players have had success against City in recent seasons to know that they have a chance if they believe in themselves and stick to the gameplan. Spurs beat them on opening day and they also knocked them off in a Champions League semi a few years back. Spurs don’t fear Man City so they always have a chance.

 

All of that said, the way it went down in the closing stages was hugely surprising. Any Spurs win would have been massive for us, but the manner of this one feels more significant. The only way this could have been any better would have been if Spurs had twatted them 4-0 or something and really shown a vulnerability in City that others might pick up on.

 

That was never going to happen though, so this was as good an outcome as could be because it was the biggest kick in the balls imaginable for City, especially as everything seemed to be going their way late on.

 

Spurs got off to a great start with a goal from new boy Kulusevski, who slotted home after great counter attack play by Kane and Son. Exactly the kind of thing I had in mind when I said Spurs could “do something”. You always have that chance to catch City on the break because of the way they play, but too many teams don’t have either the quality or the courage to do it. *glares across Stanley Park*

 

Spurs were playing well and continued to carry that threat on the break while looking pretty solid at the back. Until that is, Hugo Lloris pulled a Hugo Lloris. I said last week that Conte is a hothead and he might drop his keeper after his shitshow against Southampton. He was probably wishing he had when Calamity Hugo dropped one at the feet of Gundogan to make it 1-1. In fairness, he then made a brilliant save early in the second half and he avoided any further mishaps. 

 

Harry Kane’s performance was fucking unreal though. He went the full Torres v Chelsea “look, I’m still here. I haven’t gone anywhere, come and get me”. City couldn’t get near him, he was incredible.

 

My hatred of Kane is no secret but one thing I’ve never done is allow that hatred to cloud my judgement of him as a player. He’s Sheringham and Shearer rolled into one player. He’s a world class forward who Guardiola desperately wanted, although I’m not sure he’d fit into City’s style of play. I doubt we’ll ever find out as I suspect they’ve moved on and will sign Haaland this summer. 

 

Where that leaves Kane is anyone’s guess. He probably should stay where he is, especially if the only alternative is a move to Old Trafford. Why would you swap Spurs for that? It’s like walking down the road and you’re about to stand in dogshit. You see it at the last second but the only place you can put your foot is right next to it, where there is another pile of dogshit. May as well just avoid that extra effort and step in the first pile.

 

Anyway, back to Kane and his virtuoso display. He put Spurs back in front with a tidy finish from a Son pass and Spurs were holding out without too much drama. In fact, they carried the bigger threat and Ederson had to make a great stop to prevent Kane making it 3-1. And then Kane did make it 3-1 near the end. Game over. I’m listening to it in the car and when that went in I’m yelling “Come on, leths go!!!!” in my best Harry Kane voice.

 

And then the commentator says “there’s a VAR check for offside. Not sure who that’s against” and my heart sank. Sure enough, no goal because there was a marginal offside in the build up. It’s the right decision, obviously, but those ones don’t really feel like that’s what VAR was brought in for. I mean, I know that’s not the case, but those are the offsides that you could live with. We’ve benefitted from a couple of those (Chelsea and Wolves from what I recall) and although it’s always pleasing when you get them, I kind of feel a little bit lucky in a way.

 

It’s different when the goalscorer in the middle of the box is offside, but when it’s someone out wide in the build up who is off by a gnat’s pube, I dunno, it feels a little cheap. Offside is offside though and the Spurs goal was correctly ruled out.

 

The problem with this is the momentum shift. When you get a decision like that it feels like you’ve scored. When you are on the wrong end of it it feels like you’ve conceded. It was a massive stroke of luck for City because if Kulusevski is a few inches the other side then the game is over.

 

Now it was the opposite. I think we all knew City would get an equaliser didn’t we? It had a feeling of inevitability. In fact, I’d called it in the group chat about 15 minutes before. “Nailed on that Anthony Taylor gives them a penalty”. And he did. Two minutes into stoppage time.

 

Well, technically he didn’t. He didn’t blow for the handball initially and was told by VAR to take a look. So much as I’d like to fuel my “baldy manc bastard giving decisions to manc teams” narrative I can’t really justify it here, not least because that would be given most of the time I think. It’s unlucky from the defender as he’s just trying to make a block and his arm has to go somewhere, but more often than not you’re conceding a pen there.

 

Mahrez buried the pen and with several minutes of stoppage time still to be played you could smell a City winner coming a mile off. The best we could hope for was that Spurs somehow held on. Not in my wildest dreams did I think that Spurs would roll their sleeves up, say “fuck this shit” and immediately go and take it straight back to City.

 

That winning goal wasn’t a smash and grab. Look at how they passed the ball around with purpose and then got men forward at the right time. Whisper it, but Spurs showed real fucking balls there. We all laugh about “Spurs DNA” and things being very “Spursy” etc but fair play, that was genuine character they showed there to overcome those setbacks and go out and force a winning goal.

 

Great for them and an absolutely devastating blow for City. As I say, perfect outcome really. Hopefully other teams will take note and stop listening to this constant media narrative of how unstoppable City are. They aren’t. I’ve been saying all season they’re not as great as they’re made out to be and that they will drop points. My only concern was that we were dropping points too.

 

We’re now just three points behind them. Three points. And you know what I’m going to say now don’t you. That fucking Leicester game. All these weeks where it has looked like we’re miles back and the title was a fading dream, you can pin it all on that fucking defeat at Leicester. Had we won that City would always have been in touching distance and we’d now be top. The only way that game won’t continue to haunt me is if we win the league.

 

For now though life feels pretty good. So thanks Harry. Thanks Son too. I don’t even feel dirty saying that. Shit, I’d thank Vladimir Putin if he took points off City. Fuck City and their sport washing owners and their bellend manager. Nice one Spurs, I sincerely hope you get fourth place now. You won’t, but I hope you do.

 

One final note on this. Craig Pawson’s reaction to Kane’s winner was highly fucking inappropriate. He looked more gutted than Guardiola. I’m not going to speculate what that’s about, but it’s really fucking weird.

 

 

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[Josef Svejk]

Excellent white shit analysis. 

 

But on Mongo Maguire's celebrations: his behaviour during the Middlesbrough shootout that they lost was similarly embarrassing.

 

When I Googled the above, by the way, I came across this beauty:

 

https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/sport/football/transfer-news/harry-maguire-middlesbrough-fc-launch-11653484

[rb14]

2 hours ago, tlw content said:

I think I could have outpaced him, and I was never quick even back in my prime.

In one sentence, comedy gold and the master of understatement. Excellent work. 

 

2 hours ago, tlw content said:

Tierney is a fucking terrible ref and we know Klopp hates him. The twat is in charge of the final in Sunday so brace yourselves for that.

This can't be true. Seriously? Oh that'll be a bundle of laughs then. 

[Bobby Hundreds]

"Few can match by football brain" Harry Kane couldn't of put it better himself.

[Pete]

Quote

They even let Maguire score. What about the arrogance of that celebration though? Given the (albeit justified) stick he’s had I’d be completely fine with him giving it one of those mad, passionate celebrations. It’s a release of tension and understandable. What he did though? It just smacks of a complete lack of self awareness, the big stupid arrogant shit cunt.

He plays for Man United. He does what he likes.   
Utter twat of a man. 

[alles ist gut]

Top, top Love Island contestant analysis there, Dave.

[jonnyp]

10 hours ago, tlw content said:

Tierney is a fucking terrible ref and we know Klopp hates him. The twat is in charge of the final in Sunday so brace yourselves for that.

League Cup Final Officials (apparently)

 

Referee: Stuart Attwell
Assistant Referees: Dan Cook & Daniel Robathan
Fourth Official: Andrew Madley
Reserve Assistant Referee: Tim Wood
VAR: Darren England
AVAR: Simon Bennett

[Arnaud]

Neg for saying nice things about Putin. 

[Chris]

“Game over. I’m listening to it in the car and when that went in I’m yelling “Come on, leths go!!!!” in my best Harry Kane voice.”

 

Genuine lol. 

[dave u]

4 hours ago, jonnyp said:

League Cup Final Officials (apparently)

 

Referee: Stuart Attwell
Assistant Referees: Dan Cook & Daniel Robathan
Fourth Official: Andrew Madley
Reserve Assistant Referee: Tim Wood
VAR: Darren England
AVAR: Simon Bennett

 

It's weird, I always get Attwell and Tierney confused. Not looks wise, I can tell one from the other, but they're basically the same referee to me as it always feels like we're on the wrong end of their incompetence.

[jonnyp]

1 hour ago, dave u said:

 

It's weird, I always get Attwell and Tierney confused. Not looks wise, I can tell one from the other, but they're basically the same referee to me as it always feels like we're on the wrong end of their incompetence.

A second usage for your double dog shit step analogy perhaps?

[dave u]

2 hours ago, jonnyp said:

A second usage for your double dog shit step analogy perhaps?

Yeah it works.

[shouter]

Hahah the Tinder Swindler.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

On 24/02/2022 at 22:19, tlw content said:

Craig Pawson’s reaction to Kane’s winner was highly fucking inappropriate. He looked more gutted than Guardiola. I’m not going to speculate what that’s about, but it’s really fucking weird.

 

 

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I don't think he's a City fan, Dave, but at the expense of sounding like a GOT 'Powers that be" loon, there's definitely something fishy about the South Yorkshire referee.

[sir roger]

9 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

I don't think he's a City fan, Dave, but at the expense of sounding like a GOT 'Powers that be" loon, there's definitely something fishy about the South Yorkshire referee.

What is this about, chaps ?

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

21 minutes ago, sir roger said:

What is this about, chaps ?