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Premier League Round Up (21-23 2022)


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What a weekend. Stevie went to Goodison and took three points to ruin Big Dunc’s big day. And as you’d expect, there’s a shitload to unpack from this one. I actually watched the whole game.

 

It’s rare I watch anyone other than us but occasionally there’ll be a game that piques my interest. This was one because the potential for hilarity was off the scale.

 

Everton are in a terrible run and on the cusp on the relegation battle. A defeat would put them right in it, especially after Norwich won the night before to get within three points of them. They’d just sacked Rafa so the fans were all fired up again because Ferguson was in charge. It’s the hope that kills you, remember. So it was worth watching for that.

 

But then you add in Steven Gerrard. And Phil Coutinho. And Danny Ings. So many possible little sub plots that could make it even funnier. And last but not least Lucas Digne, who ended his “love affair’ with the Blues to join Stevie a week earlier. 

 

There was a mood of jubilation and renewed optimism from Evertonians going into this. The big bad wolf had been vanquished and he was the only thing holding them back in the eyes of some. 

 

Ferguson threw a load of cash behind the bars of the local boozers to pay for the first drink for every fan. Top gesture that and I just don’t have it in me to hold any grudge with him. He hates us but I can’t reciprocate it as I respect how much he loves his club and what he does for the fans of that club. He’s literally the only positive thing about Everton these days. If you’re a Blue the only thing that brings any joy is Duncan Ferguson and his love of Everton and Evertonians. How sad is that? Fucking hell.

 

Anyway, Gerrard was greeted with the kind of abuse he’ll have been completely expecting. They even dusted off “the baby’s not yours” chant. Classy. Not that Stevie was arsed, he fucking loves all that. He embraces that “wrestling heel” role and was sucking his thumb in response to it. Next time he shows up there I’m half expecting him to walk out there in a Ric Flair robe, “wooooooing” at the Gwladys Street.

 

Digne was getting pelters too which I thought was amusing because he’d have been welcomed back like the prodigal son if Rafa had still been in the home dugout. Rafa forced him out, he didn’t want to leave, he loves the Blues, this is on Rafa…. what’s that? Rafa’s gone and Dunc’s in charge? Fuck that little French turncoat twat. Signing for Gerrard? He never loved us. Boooooooooooooooo.

 

I don’t know how they maintain the energy to be Evertonians. It must be fucking exhausting and all of the effort never yields any kind of reward. There’s no pay off (unless you’re one of their many sacked managers), only unrelenting misery.

 

They didn’t even get their little moment in the sun with a Big Dunc win over Stevie as Villa walked away with the points, while Stevie was pulling tongues at them and smugly nodding “I’ve still got it!” as he walked off at the end. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the only goal of the game was created by Digne right in front of the Gwladys Street with the last kick of the first half.

 

He’d been getting dog’s abuse as he prepared to take the corner, which was actually delayed as that loon Mina was throwing his weight around in the box and squaring up to Buendia, a man half his size. Digne eventually takes the corner and Buendia nips in front of Mina and heads one into the top corner. Laugh? I nearly shat. But that was just the start.

 

The Villa players ran to celebrate with Digne by the corner flag and it was too much for some Blues to take. Missiles rained down and a Lucozade bottle hit Matty Cash on the head before ricocheting to also strike Digne. Both players were on the floor poleaxed (Digne was playacting the fuck out of it, trying to get those fans he ‘loves’ into big trouble) and I couldn’t fucking breathe for laughing. That was the first shot they managed on target. #evertonarentthey

 

A 19 year old lad has since been identified and charged, but even that was funny as fuck as his name is Roger Tweedle. I don’t know what’s funnier, a 19 year old scouse lad being named Roger, or the whole “Tweedle dumb” thing. I’ll say it again, this is why I gave up writing piss taking articles on the Blues, because it reached a point where their reality was funnier than any kind of parody or jokes I could make about them.

 

The replay of the goal added another layer of mirth. Pickford and his little arms couldn’t quite get there, but but he got the slightest touch on it which was enough to take over the head of Townsend on the line, who would have been able to head it away had Pickford not got that tiny touch. Then we saw Duncan on the touchline giving it the full Hodgson face rub. Just too funny.

 

Funniest goal since Divock in the derby. It reminded me of that in some ways due to the extra layers that are there when you watch more and more replays. Every time I watched this I saw something else. There’s a fan in a white hoody having a full on meltdown when the ball hits the net. The whole thing is gold.

 

As for the game itself, it was BRUTAL. Not in a physical sense, I mean it was brutal to watch. The first half wasn’t great but the second was as poor as anything I can ever remember. No quality, no football played by either team, just long balls and stoppages. Villa forgot how to play football but at least they stood up to the aerial bombardment and intense physicality. Gerrard was understandably delighted with the steel showed by his team whereas Ferguson just looked like a beaten man, he was almost apologetic in his post-match interview. 

 

They’re fucked. I’m not getting my hopes up too much about relegation because they’ve still got better players than most clubs down there (Calvert-Lewin, Grey, Richarlison, Allan, Townsend etc) but they aren’t well coached, the atmosphere around the place is toxic as fuck and if they don’t win any of their next three games then that really does put them right in the mix. Next up is Newcastle away, then Leeds at home and then Southampton away. They have to win one of those or panic will really set in.

 

Especially as the other clubs down there have been picking up points and showing signs of life. Except Watford, but they responded to an abysmal 3-0 home loss to Norwich by sacking Ranieri and appointing Hodgson. It isn’t the most inspiring of hires but in their current predicament he might be just what they need. He knows how to beat relegation as he’s done it for decades. If he keeps them up at Everton’s expense maybe our fanbase will forgive him?

 

 

This is just a teaser, click here to view the full article

 

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  • dave u pinned this topic

Some good quips in this round up. Traore to spurs seems to be off because he doesnt want to play as a wingback?

 

I didnt watch the shite v Villa but anyone know why one Villa player celebrating the goal in that mod isnt wearing a name and number on his shirt? I thought I was seeing things (or not!) but having seen it several times, yes, he has no name and number on his shirt!

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17 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

Some good quips in this round up. Traore to spurs seems to be off because he doesnt want to play as a wingback?

 

I didnt watch the shite v Villa but anyone know why one Villa player celebrating the goal in that mod isnt wearing a name and number on his shirt? I thought I was seeing things (or not!) but having seen it several times, yes, he has no name and number on his shirt!

He got his original shirt ripped in half in an earlier touchline tackle.

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I watched the shites game for the same reasons Dave, comedy gold.

I would take the shite relegated over anyone.

It would be spun as a chance to reset the club and challenge for major honours when the reality is the papa John's cup, knocked out in first round.

As for Pep? Couldn't believe his comments but then there's nothing to believe about that shithouse club.

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