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Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.


Carvalho Diablo
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49 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...won a competition?

 

Yes, one of those BBC Radio Merseyside ones where you had to listen for a question every morning, mail in the five answers at the end of the week, then they pull a name out of a hat. I was 9 years old and the prize was a VHS of David Attenborough's guide to British garden birds. It was not a life-changing experience.

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2 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

Yes, one of those BBC Radio Merseyside ones where you had to listen for a question every morning, mail in the five answers at the end of the week, then they pull a name out of a hat. I was 9 years old and the prize was a VHS of David Attenborough's guide to British garden birds. It was not a life-changing experience.

Hahaha that’s ace 

 

Reminds me of this 


 

 

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On 10/11/2021 at 14:17, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been in prison?

Visited one of my mates in one in 2002/2003, hungover as shit. Realised I had something in my pocket I shouldn’t just as I was about to be checked in and frisked. Had to pretend I was about to be sick and run off out of eye-line to dispose of it.
 

Once inside, I spent the majority of the time involuntarily glancing at one of his fellow prisoners’s very, very attractive blonde girlfriend in the visitor’s room. He said the fella eyeballed him for the rest of his sentence and he kept thinking he might shank him. Didn’t invite me back but we laugh about it now.
 

She really was a spectacularly healthy young woman though.

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On 10/11/2021 at 16:21, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been caught out committing adultery?

Fella climbed up a tree to watch me having sex with his girlfriend through her window when I were a young ‘un. More effort than I was making at the time, fair play to him. Don’t know how he kept his grip on the branch with one hand.

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On 10/11/2021 at 22:05, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been in a burning building?

Not a burning building, but my car caught on fire with me in it once. I have no sense of smell and hadn’t cottoned on, but the wiring under the dashboard had become damaged and as I was driving home it become hot enough to start smoking. Thought I could get it to my mechanic in time as he lives nearby, but as I was rounding a turn on a blind corner there were suddenly flames in the passenger footwell and licking up the passenger seat.
 

Realised I couldn’t abandon ship there as it would essentially be a bomb for anyone coming round the corner unawares, so had to keep driving it another few hundred yards until I could pull in safely and jump out. A very long 60-90 seconds. Entire thing went up across the road from a pub where people were milling about outside smoking. The ultimate indignity when a lad I went to school with strolled over pint pot in hand to watch the fucking thing flame out like the towering inferno.
 

The fire brigade turned up and one of them had tears in his eyes laughing at the bent wire coat hanger which resembled all that was left of my steering wheel by the time they put out the gutted shell. I had been laid off from a contracting role earlier that afternoon as well. One of the top days, that.

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On 10/11/2021 at 14:16, Carvalho Diablo said:

Ask away and The Mighty GF will fess up.

 

Anyway...has anyone ever been involved in a plane crash?

My mate was getting his CPL and so was getting the hours up in a Cessna 172 (basically a small 4 seater aircraft). The two of us were out in it and on landing at Dublin Airport we just felt a tiny light shudder as he touched down. He looks at me and says that’s the best landing he’s ever done, and so immediately let’s off on the prop power to save fuel and let’s the yoke pitch forward.
 

Turns out we’d not landed and we’re in fact still about 10 foot up in the air. So the aircraft immediately nosedives into the ground and we slide, nose first, along the runway for about 50 metres and then slide off to the grass on the side and end up on our roof. 
 

We shut the main runway at Dublin for about an hour. People were a bit unhappy about that. It made the news too. 

 

 

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Went in a couple of prisons with work. Doncaster is the grimmest one.

 

I went to strangeways once and had to talk to someone in the visiting area. Some fit legal secretary wearing a low cut top and short skirt sat in the next bank of desks next to me. The guy I was supposed to see refused to come out of his cell so I gegged into her conversation with her client. 

 

She asked him a ton of questions to which he kept replying "I don't know". In the end she established that it wasn't her client but just some random fella who sat opposite her.

 

She said "you've wasted my time" he replied "you defo haven't wasted my time love because I've got wank bank memories of you for the next six weeks" then went over and sat down to talk to his brother. 

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2 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been involved in an accident which hospitalised you?

Broke right arm in a compression fracture and smashed head open when I was 12, cycling down a concrete lined ditch (don't laugh!) 8/9 days in hospital.

 

Broke hip two years ago. 5 weeks in hospital.

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5 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

Has anyone ever...had a tire come off while driving?

Similar. A bloke I worked with was driving down the A1 near Stevenage when a solitary wheel overtook him. When he stopped at the bottom of the next exit he realised it was his.

 

This was in the 70s and he was driving an Austin Allegro.

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3 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...won a competition?

A Karate competition in Crystal Palace as a kid, I missed my coach from Milton Keynes and had to catch a train instead but then I registered just in time and ended up winning. The first person I beat was girl 1 foot shorter and several years and ranks below me. I won with an ippon kick to the head which dropped her and she couldn't continue. Felt guilty about that but a win's a win. Also was on the right side of some dogshit judging where they hadn't kept scores properly at all and the guy was beating me something like 3 wazaris to 1 but probably forgot about 5 or 6 combined scoring shots, eventually decided the scores were level despite him being far ahead, but I caught him first in the sudden death and won the final. I drank pink lemonade out of my trophy, thought I was proper rock and roll.

 

There was also a pub competition, the first round you had to get through was the yes or no game. After I confirmed my name without saying yes (or no) it threw my interrogater as everyone else fucked up on the first question and so got through to the next round pretty easily. Then I had to answer some quiz question that was piss easy and I had to choose a prize from 1-9. I was the first person to get to this stage but picked out the star prize first pick of about £70 and pissed it straight on the bar buying a round for a lot of mates (around 15 of them and when £70 would easily cover such a round). 

 

Probably not the competitions you had in mind but fuck you and your judgements.

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1 hour ago, TheHowieLama said:

Has anyone ever...had a tire come off while driving?

My front wheel and suspension completely collapsed and wrote off my car while going round a bend about 5 years ago. It was a bank holiday and had to wait about 3 hours for the RAC to turn up. I was only a few minutes from home and not on a busy road,luckily.

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On 11/11/2021 at 13:55, Captain Turdseye said:

I got arrested for attempted murder then I was released with a caution without even sitting in a cell.
 

Fuck The Police. 

A psychopath in a unit I worked in years ago phoned the police to say that I killed Jill Dando. I wasn't arrested, and am still at liberty today.

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3 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been involved in an accident which hospitalised you?

Briefly.

 

Couple weeks ago was travelling home and ran into a transport truck parked across the highway. We and three other vehicles. It was a bit mad there for a while as we were pulling people out of burning cars, and then stood watching as a group of passers-by hooked a pick-up to one of the cars that was stuck under the truck with the driver still alive inside and yanked it out from underneath as the fire burned the vehicles next to it, truck tires exploding, fuel tanks going up etc. The strap kept breaking, but they just tied it back up and kept yarding away on that car til it was free.

 

I haven't heard if the driver survived--they air-lifted her to Vancouver for treatment. But if she did they saved her life. 

 

Went to the hospital to get checked out as I was a little shaken up. Still sore from the seatbelt that kept me from going through the wind-shield.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...won a competition?

We won the doubles tennis competition at a Neilsons holiday resort in Turkey a few years back. Very satisfying as other couples had turned up with their own rackets, proper whites etc . Invariably it was 1 person who was really keen and their uninterested Wife/husband making up the pair. Our only tactic was to work out which was the shit player on the opposite side and hit the ball hard to them every time. Only sporting thing I’ve ever won. 

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13 minutes ago, polymerpunkah said:

Briefly.

 

Couple weeks ago was travelling home and ran into a transport truck parked across the highway. We and three other vehicles. It was a bit mad there for a while as we were pulling people out of burning cars, and then stood watching as a group of passers-by hooked a pick-up to one of the cars that was stuck under the truck with the driver still alive inside and yanked it out from underneath as the fire burned the vehicles next to it, truck tires exploding, fuel tanks going up etc. The strap kept breaking, but they just tied it back up and kept yarding away on that car til it was free.

 

I haven't heard if the driver survived--they air-lifted her to Vancouver for treatment. But if she did they saved her life. 

 

Went to the hospital to get checked out as I was a little shaken up. Still sore from the seatbelt that kept me from going through the wind-shield.

 

 

Wow. That’s a story. 

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50 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

A psychopath in a unit I worked in years ago phoned the police to say that I killed Jill Dando. I wasn't arrested, and am still at liberty today.

Don't have nightmares 

32 minutes ago, polymerpunkah said:

Briefly.

 

Couple weeks ago was travelling home and ran into a transport truck parked across the highway. We and three other vehicles. It was a bit mad there for a while as we were pulling people out of burning cars, and then stood watching as a group of passers-by hooked a pick-up to one of the cars that was stuck under the truck with the driver still alive inside and yanked it out from underneath as the fire burned the vehicles next to it, truck tires exploding, fuel tanks going up etc. The strap kept breaking, but they just tied it back up and kept yarding away on that car til it was free.

 

I haven't heard if the driver survived--they air-lifted her to Vancouver for treatment. But if she did they saved her life. 

 

Went to the hospital to get checked out as I was a little shaken up. Still sore from the seatbelt that kept me from going through the wind-shield.

 

 

Fucking

2 minutes ago, polymerpunkah said:

Crash_Pic_01.jpg

 

The fellows on the right there, obviously. And once it was out, they got back in their vehicles and drove away. A bit like Batman, come to think of it.

Hells bells 

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