Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

[Remmie]

6 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Have you ever...made something explode?

Plenty of lower grade exposions. Used to buy waterproof bangers in France and smuggle them back to the UK, tape rocks to it, set it alight and throw them down public toilets or a canal or something. Even managed to do the Crocodile Dundee thing of stunning a load of fish that floated to the surface, though they were smaller than goldfish and I am a vegetarian so instantly felt guilty. Dynamite size bangers were alos fun and would bring them back too, they would be epic when set off in storm drains.

 

Used to chuck deodourant cans, lighters and full tins of beans on camp fires, my tent had shrapnel burns in it for years before I finally replaced it from a tin of beans. My cousin poured a bucket full of petrol directly onto a fire, that was an impressive small mushroom cloud. I probably was a bit of a pyromaniac in retrospect.

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Plenty of lower grade exposions. Used to buy waterproof bangers in France and smuggle them back to the UK, tape rocks to it, set it alight and throw them down public toilets or a canal or something. Even managed to do the Crocodile Dundee thing of stunning a load of fish that floated to the surface, though they were smaller than goldfish and I am a vegetarian so instantly felt guilty. Dynamite size bangers were alos fun and would bring them back too, they would be epic when set off in storm drains.

 

Used to chuck deodourant cans, lighters and full tins of beans on camp fires, my tent had shrapnel burns in it for years before I finally replaced it from a tin of beans. My cousin poured a bucket full of petrol directly onto a fire, that was an impressive small mushroom cloud. I probably was a bit of a pyromaniac in retrospect.

[Carvalho Diablo]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

Prosseco bottle in a cheap microwave on a long extension lead in a wide open space. That's an impressive bang. Don't do it. 

Hahaha wtf

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever been taken hostage or been caught in a hold up situation?

 

Someone I used to know needed to write a card and he didn't have a pen. He walked towards a bookies and thought of the pens they had. Nipped in, grabbed a couple and out again. Within seconds the electric shutters came down and armed police ran from a van and ordered anyone coming out of the bookies onto the ground at gunpoint. He threw the pens on the floor as he went down, apologising. Turned out there were a couple of Thieves trying to get to the money and the police had been tipped off. 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Total Longo said:

To be fair i see the head of one every day. Or i at least know it's there. 

You would if you got 6 feet from a shark too.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 10/11/2021 at 14:17, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...swam with sharks?

How close do you have to be? Because I have swum in the sea and there are sharks in there.

[Bruce Spanner]

I cage dived with Great Whites a few years back, something my wife had always wanted to do.

 

They're just big dumb bastards with massive teeth.

 

My wife threw up on a group of them through seasickness, this is not the first time she had thrown up on sharks to her eternal shame.

 

 

The better half was in the cage at the time I took this.

[Bob]

Has anyone ever technically died?

[Carvalho Diablo]

11 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever technically died?

According to the docs, I came within 60 seconds of snuffing it last year when I was in hospital with covid. Far too close for comfort.

 

I'm sure there'll be somebody from The Mighty GF who's been denied entry through those pearly gates though.

[Bruce Spanner]

16 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever technically died?

The Sir.

 

RIP YNWA etc.

[Captain Turdseye]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever technically died?

My grandad in December 1997. We still miss him. 

[RJ Fan club]

8 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Not a very interesting story, but I was caught in an armed robbery of a Sainsbury’s local once.

 

Had my headphones on loud so couldn’t hear a thing, walked around the store minding my own not really noticing people cowering behind shelves. It wasn’t until I turned around and there was a sown off pointing in my face with a guy screaming, inaudibly remember the headphones, at me about something which he was very vexed about.

 

I removed my headphones and and if I could just pay and leave?

 

I assume the shock/adrenaline whatever had kicked in.

 

He said ‘yeah’

 

So I just used the self serve tills as they continued their robbery.

 

Odd all round.

That reminds me of a time when I ‘prevented’ a robbery. Also not massively interesting 

 

Was bank holiday in late May, I was visiting Brighton before I moved down here. I’ve been out with my mates absolutely hammered in town, and we were queueing up to a late-night off-licence to get a couple of slabs of cans to take down to the beach and stay up and drink till the sunrise.

 

I sent a mate for some cans, while I went to get some kebabs. We met with our goods when I realised I needed ciggies. So I queued up at the same off-licence, which had a late night window, no entry.

 

While I was in the queue I got talking to the bloke in front of me who was a Scouser.
 

He told me he just got out of prison and that he was going to do the off-licence over because he wanted to go back inside. Showed me his knife, he was serious.

 

So being pissed, I asked if I could go in front so I could get my biftas first and then fuck off. Which he agreed to.

 

Then that got me thinking, we are both scousers and everyone in this queue is going to think I had something to do with the robbery, but I still want to get me ciggies I had about 10 minutes of queue to talk him out of it.

 

Which somehow I managed, think I persuaded him that he’d be better off not doing it on a bank holiday as the police would be chocker and he wouldn’t get anything anyway as they shop weren’t letting people in.

 

Got my ciggies, headed off to the beach. 

[Harry's Lad]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever technically died?

I did during an operation.

No I didn't float over the table observing everything or go down a dark tunnel towards a light, nor did a long lost friend/relative greet me.

I just woke up in the recovery room.

 

They got me going again obviously, but when I had to have another operation a few months later they did it with a local anaesthetic which didn't work. I felt everything, fucking agony.

 

[Fowlers God]

10 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever been taken hostage or been caught in a hold up situation?

 

When I was 16 and getting drunk at my mates house his mum a massive alcoholic kept us captive in a bedroom for 3 hours while she finished a bottle of vodka and passed out. She played REM everybody hurts for those 3 hours too. 
 

that felt like I’d been take hostage

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, Fowlers God said:

When I was 16 and getting drunk at my mates house his mum a massive alcoholic kept us captive in a bedroom for 3 hours while she finished a bottle of vodka and passed out. She played REM everybody hurts for those 3 hours too. 
 

that felt like I’d been take hostage

Hahahahaha 

[Captain Willard]

3 minutes ago, Fowlers God said:

When I was 16 and getting drunk at my mates house his mum a massive alcoholic kept us captive in a bedroom for 3 hours while she finished a bottle of vodka and passed out. She played REM everybody hurts for those 3 hours too. 
 

that felt like I’d been take hostage

Ha ha. Great story. The mum will have subsequently been using that anecdote as her “lowest point moment” in the AA meetings. 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Captain Willard said:

Ha ha. Great story. The mum will have subsequently been using that anecdote as her “lowest point moment” in the AA meetings. 

The lowest point would have been waking up with Dan stood over her in the scud 

[cloggypop]

1 hour ago, Fowlers God said:

When I was 16 and getting drunk at my mates house his mum a massive alcoholic kept us captive in a bedroom for 3 hours while she finished a bottle of vodka and passed out. She played REM everybody hurts for those 3 hours too. 
 

that felt like I’d been take hostage

Worse than Terry Waite that

[RJ Fan club]

Anyone shagged their mates Mum?

 

Me: Sister yes, Mum no 

[DalyanPete]

6 minutes ago, RJ Fan club said:

Anyone shagged their mates Mum?

 

Me: Sister yes, Mum no 

Does having a wank about them count?

[DalyanPete]

7 hours ago, Remmie said:

Plenty of lower grade exposions. Used to buy waterproof bangers in France and smuggle them back to the UK, tape rocks to it, set it alight and throw them down public toilets or a canal or something. Even managed to do the Crocodile Dundee thing of stunning a load of fish that floated to the surface, though they were smaller than goldfish and I am a vegetarian so instantly felt guilty. Dynamite size bangers were alos fun and would bring them back too, they would be epic when set off in storm drains.

 

Used to chuck deodourant cans, lighters and full tins of beans on camp fires, my tent had shrapnel burns in it for years before I finally replaced it from a tin of beans. My cousin poured a bucket full of petrol directly onto a fire, that was an impressive small mushroom cloud. I probably was a bit of a pyromaniac in retrospect.

A suitable case for treatment springs to mind

[Bruce Spanner]

11 minutes ago, RJ Fan club said:

Anyone shagged their mates Mum?

 

Me: Sister yes, Mum no 

 

Mums best friend, yes.

 

All of us had a chance to shag my brothers best mates mum, she was open all hours for anyone, a few I know did, I never, I had higher aspirations.

[DalyanPete]

2 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

4 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Has anyone ever technically died?

I did during an operation.

No I didn't float over the table observing everything or go down a dark tunnel towards a light, nor did a long lost friend/relative greet me.

Charlatan 

[RJ Fan club]

3 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

Mums best friend, yes.

One of Mum’s work mates also a yes. She was more my age though

[RJ Fan club]

On 10/11/2021 at 18:49, Edward. said:

Fuck knows I think he was sighting me for adultery. I wasn’t rebuilding my house for fucks sake.

I’m not being an arse here, but it made me laugh. 
 

Citing and Sighting you for adultery are quite different things mate!