Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Just out of interest, how much?

 

Asking for a friend.

A grand but I've got a spare one here you can have for £250. PM for details. 

[polymerpunkah]

A brass farthing.

 

[TheBitch]

1 hour ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Just out of interest, how much?

 

Asking for a friend.

That's why I was asking in here, for a friend, of course.

[Chocoholic]

Has anyone ever cut their own hair... with a scissors?

 

Days before a wedding. Right at the front and make a proper bollocks of it.

 

Yeah, that was me. Granted, I was only 4 at the time. 

 

A couple of days ago, it was my eldest sister's 50th wedding anniversary, and in response to a text wishing her and her husband a happy 50th, she reminded me of this momentous event. She was 24 when she got married, and baby brother was 4, when he decided to make a bold and brave change to a boring straight long fringe haircut a few days before the wedding. And my Ma lost her shit! I don't remember the actual cutting, but I do remember the angst and panic caused to my dear late mother, when all seemed to be going too good to be true in the lead up to the big day. And then... WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SHITE?? I DON'T NEED THIS!!! Or words and emotions to that effect.

 

The only memory I have of the day itself, is sitting beside my cousin, on what was his 10th birthday, and he was making a mess drinking his soup at the dinner and I called him a slobberer.

[YorkshireRed]

8 hours ago, Furmedge said:

 

 

 

Been invited to interview next week.  Anyone good at presentations?

In part, I teach people how to do them for a living. I’m no more than passable at them myself.

 

If you can’t do, teach. 

[Carvalho Diablo]

5 minutes ago, Chocoholic said:

Has anyone ever cut their own hair... with a scissors?

 

Days before a wedding. Right at the front and make a proper bollocks of it.

 

Yeah, that was me. Granted, I was only 4 at the time. 

 

A couple of days ago, it was my eldest sister's 50th wedding anniversary, and in response to a text wishing her and her husband a happy 50th, she reminded me of this momentous event. She was 24 when she got married, and baby brother was 4, when he decided to make a bold and brave change to a boring straight long fringe haircut a few days before the wedding. And my Ma lost her shit! I don't remember the actual cutting, but I do remember the angst and panic caused to my dear late mother, when all seemed to be going too good to be true in the lead up to the big day. And then... WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SHITE?? I DON'T NEED THIS!!! Or words and emotions to that effect.

 

The only memory I have of the day itself, is sitting beside my cousin, on what was his 10th birthday, and he was making a mess drinking his soup at the dinner and I called him a slobberer.

Not with scissors, no, but I had a little mishap earlier today when giving myself a number 2 and the guard popped off.

 

I've now got what looks like a 3 inch knife wound on the back of my head.

 

Fuck it, it grows back quick and if anybody asks I'll tell them it's from a 3 inch knife attack.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Not with scissors, no, but I had a little mishap earlier today when giving myself a number 2 and the guard popped off.

 

I've now got what looks like a 3 inch knife wound on the back of my head.

 

Fuck it, it grows back quick and if anybody asks I'll tell them it's from a 3 inch knife attack.

And you can use the hair on your cheese on toast or something 

[Carvalho Diablo]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

And you can use the hair on your cheese on toast or something 

It'll go towards my sister in law's Christmas merkin

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 11/12/2021 at 22:06, El Rojo said:

Definite six episode Netflix true crime documentary in this post. 

I'm hoping Michael Bay makes a film of it, with CGI chips exploding all over the pub.

[John102]

I can't read 30 pages to see if it's been asked.

 

Has anyone ever shit themselves, when there guts were bad or they'd had a rich meal and couldn't get the toilet in time.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

26 minutes ago, John102 said:

I can't read 30 pages to see if it's been asked.

 

Has anyone ever shit themselves, when there guts were bad or they'd had a rich meal and couldn't get the toilet in time.

Oh, it's been asked.

 

And it's near universal.

[Bob]

has anyone ever had a private conversation with a president or prime minister or a senior member of a royal family.

 

doesn’t have to have been one to one, but not just saying “oh I love you” to the queen mother from a crowd of plebs.

[littletedwest]

14 hours ago, Chocoholic said:

Has anyone ever cut their own hair... with a scissors?

 

Days before a wedding. Right at the front and make a proper bollocks of it.

 

Yeah, that was me. Granted, I was only 4 at the time. 

 

A couple of days ago, it was my eldest sister's 50th wedding anniversary, and in response to a text wishing her and her husband a happy 50th, she reminded me of this momentous event. She was 24 when she got married, and baby brother was 4, when he decided to make a bold and brave change to a boring straight long fringe haircut a few days before the wedding. And my Ma lost her shit! I don't remember the actual cutting, but I do remember the angst and panic caused to my dear late mother, when all seemed to be going too good to be true in the lead up to the big day. And then... WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE SHITE?? I DON'T NEED THIS!!! Or words and emotions to that effect.

 

The only memory I have of the day itself, is sitting beside my cousin, on what was his 10th birthday, and he was making a mess drinking his soup at the dinner and I called him a slobberer.

My mate did in lockdown ,pissed myself 

[John102]

Is that your boy astro?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Does anyone pay for an Only fans account ?? 

[John102]

6 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Does anyone pay for an Only fans account ?? 

Na, but i did pay for brazzers for a year.

[Carvalho Diablo]

32 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

My mate did in lockdown ,pissed myself 

Hahaha what the fuck?!

[tokyojoe]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

has anyone ever had a private conversation with a president or prime minister or a senior member of a royal family.

 

doesn’t have to have been one to one, but not just saying “oh I love you” to the queen mother from a crowd of plebs.

Bumped into Bob Hawke in a hotel in Melbourne once, no words exchanged.

[sir roger]

1 hour ago, John102 said:

Na, but i did pay for brazzers for a year.

Didn't even know they did season tickets.

[Harry's Lad]

2 hours ago, littletedwest said:

My mate did in lockdown ,pissed myself 

Is that John Belushi auditioning for Dumb and Dumber?

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

has anyone ever had a private conversation with a president or prime minister or a senior member of a royal family.

 

doesn’t have to have been one to one, but not just saying “oh I love you” to the queen mother from a crowd of plebs.

I was part of the display team opening Action Stations in Portsmouth Dockyard. Fast roping down the side of a building amongst other stuff. Prince Andrew turned up to cut the ribbon or some shit. We all had to line up while he walked down and was meant to nod and have a chat with a few of us. Cunt barely glanced at us, just strolled past all aloof like the smug, silver spooned gobshite he is. I don't even think the cunt turned up in uniform from memory. For the best really as one of the lads was seriously considering nutting him (he wanted out the forces anyway) and this was long before all the creepy shit came out. 

 

Same lad finally did get out a few months later via a heavy stint in Colchester for kicking off on an officer. 

[Ken Robber]

17 hours ago, John102 said:

I can't read 30 pages to see if it's been asked.

 

Has anyone ever shit themselves, when there guts were bad or they'd had a rich meal and couldn't get the toilet in time.

Yeah, when I was doing Camp America 

The camp would order in the cheapest food they could get away with, so it was all processed, frozen then warmed up slop. I think the only thing they served that was safe was the salad, but it wasn't ideal to go low carb when you're more or less working 24 hours a day. 

One morning I'm supervising the drama group and my stomaches been acting up all day. I go to sneak a fart while it was noisy and noticed how suspiciously wet it was. Turns out I'd sharted, so I made an excuse to go the bog to sort myself out. 

Thankfully it hadn't passed through my bills so my shorts were alright. I cleaned myself up, lashed me shitty undies in the bin and went commando til I could get back to my cabin later in the day. 

No one found out either. As mean as this sounds, it was a camp for people with disabilities so no one thought twice when they found the evidence

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, Ken Robber said:

Yeah, when I was doing Camp America 

The camp would order in the cheapest food they could get away with, so it was all processed, frozen then warmed up slop. I think the only thing they served that was safe was the salad, but it wasn't ideal to go low carb when you're more or less working 24 hours a day. 

One morning I'm supervising the drama group and my stomaches been acting up all day. I go to sneak a fart while it was noisy and noticed how suspiciously wet it was. Turns out I'd sharted, so I made an excuse to go the bog to sort myself out. 

Thankfully it hadn't passed through my bills so my shorts were alright. I cleaned myself up, lashed me shitty undies in the bin and went commando til I could get back to my cabin later in the day. 

No one found out either. As mean as this sounds, it was a camp for people with disabilities so no one thought twice when they found the evidence

 

 

[DalyanPete]

On 15/12/2021 at 13:43, Furmedge said:

 

 

 

Been invited to interview next week.  Anyone good at presentations?

Done a few presentations for job application and also in my H&S role.

It's all about being prepared and knowing the subject you're talking about.

Try and think what will lift you above the other applicants.

I was shit at them as I was scared of failure. That changed when I realised my audience weren't going to throw rotten fruit at me.

Practise until you're faultless.

Good luck fella.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Have you ever...been on a caravan holiday?