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2 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Anyone ever blagged a job?

In the middle of doing it now.  £15k pay rise to boot.  Watch this space.

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4 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Anyone ever blagged a job?

Got a job as a DJ in a local club , the 2 djs had walked out on a Saturday night leaving the bouncers playing the music we go there and they are making a pig's ear of it so I tell my mate ' Christ I could do better than them ' so up he goes to the booth and tells them I'm a Hospital DJ to be fair a mate from school Dad was a proper Mobile dj and I'd knocked around with him quite a bit so knew the basics .

So within 10 minutes I'm rattling off playing the music and basically deafening everyone but I kept the job for a few months afterwards. 

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1 hour ago, Tj hooker said:

Got a job as a DJ in a local club , the 2 djs had walked out on a Saturday night leaving the bouncers playing the music we go there and they are making a pig's ear of it so I tell my mate ' Christ I could do better than them ' so up he goes to the booth and tells them I'm a Hospital DJ to be fair a mate from school Dad was a proper Mobile dj and I'd knocked around with him quite a bit so knew the basics .

So within 10 minutes I'm rattling off playing the music and basically deafening everyone but I kept the job for a few months afterwards. 

“One for the oldies , get your ladies up”

 

Its the Ace of spades the ace of spades !!!!!!

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8 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

They were more useful that my defence. Some lad spewing up on the pitch, then deciding to lie down,  playing everyone onside for about 4 of their goals.

There were always a few Sunday spewers.  We had a lad called Underpants Dave - always doing it. Ref would send him off and get him fined as well

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After the age of about 24 I don’t think I played a Sunday morning game without throwing up during or after. Or cramped up 

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I was renowned for turning up at Sunday league on quite literally no sleep still completely full of drugs and then sleeping for about 30 mins before kick off. At full time I’d get right back to it.  
 

I was worse than average playing sober. 

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Prison experience for me was from when I played a lot of rugby when I was younger.
 

The league we were in had a game against a maximum security prison team in the north east somewhere. I remember as a young fella what a sobering experience the whole episode was, from having to get all your details checked out by the government, far in advance of the game, being searched, then the reality of the numerous checks as each iron barred gate opened, closed loudly and locked behind you.

 

A real weird atmosphere and briefing on what to expect, what-if scenarios etc., before finally getting escorted out on to the pitch, which was double fenced all the way round, in the middle of prison. From the cells ‘fortunate’ enough to have a pitch side view, there were prisoners faces screaming dogs abuse from the barred windows! 
 

The pitch itself was pristine, but the shock of seeing there were overhead wires to prevent helicopters dropping in for rescue attempts, was soon replaced by the horror of seeing about 150 prisoners stood around the touch line.

 

So, the game kicks off and immediately it was clear that the overhead wires would restrict the kicking game and/or add to the excitement of the game, as the ball dropped straight back down with no territory gained.
 

Their team was mostly prisoners but with some guards in it too and we were obviously expecting some sort of Mean Machine script to unfold. Motivating comments from the crowd of “rip his fucking throat out”, and “you look good in those shorts son”, meant the full width of the pitch wasn’t utilised that frequently.

 

To this date, I would say that this was the physically hardest but fairest game I’ve ever played in, with zero foul play. One of the guards who played explained to us afterwards when we mentioned it, that it was because if any prisoner crossed a line, they would lose their hard gained privileges for themselves and the whole team. So, in short it gave them a ‘fair’ outlet for their anger and frustration, a break from prison routine, as well as better facilities and food.

 

A great game, both teams played well and it finished as a good scoring respectable draw, but when the final whistle blew, there was a pitch invasion! I figured it was literally my end of game, as prisoners swamped us all, but to my great relief and then joy, they were all patting us on the back and saying things like “Thanks for coming here lads”, “Thanks for coming to play”, “Really appreciate you coming”. A humbling and rewarding feeling.

 

Again one of the guards later explained, that many of the teams they were drawn against would forgoe the game and points, so they’d train without getting a game. The more trusted prisoners didn’t get their two hours standing round a pitch for entertainment and the rest of the prisoners didn’t get their break in routine and probably no opportunity to gamble.

 

The after beers session in the officers mess was also the strangest after game drinks I’ve been to, as the opposing team wasn’t there to get pissed with, save for 3 or 4 guards.

 

Full rollercoaster of emotions that day, and certainly both an eye opener and deterrent to ending up in somewhere like that.

 

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5 hours ago, jonnyp said:

Prison experience for me was from when I played a lot of rugby when I was younger.
 

The league we were in had a game against a maximum security prison team in the north east somewhere. I remember as a young fella what a sobering experience the whole episode was, from having to get all your details checked out by the government, far in advance of the game, being searched, then the reality of the numerous checks as each iron barred gate opened, closed loudly and locked behind you.

 

A real weird atmosphere and briefing on what to expect, what-if scenarios etc., before finally getting escorted out on to the pitch, which was double fenced all the way round, in the middle of prison. From the cells ‘fortunate’ enough to have a pitch side view, there were prisoners faces screaming dogs abuse from the barred windows! 
 

The pitch itself was pristine, but the shock of seeing there were overhead wires to prevent helicopters dropping in for rescue attempts, was soon replaced by the horror of seeing about 150 prisoners stood around the touch line.

 

So, the game kicks off and immediately it was clear that the overhead wires would restrict the kicking game and/or add to the excitement of the game, as the ball dropped straight back down with no territory gained.
 

Their team was mostly prisoners but with some guards in it too and we were obviously expecting some sort of Mean Machine script to unfold. Motivating comments from the crowd of “rip his fucking throat out”, and “you look good in those shorts son”, meant the full width of the pitch wasn’t utilised that frequently.

 

To this date, I would say that this was the physically hardest but fairest game I’ve ever played in, with zero foul play. One of the guards who played explained to us afterwards when we mentioned it, that it was because if any prisoner crossed a line, they would lose their hard gained privileges for themselves and the whole team. So, in short it gave them a ‘fair’ outlet for their anger and frustration, a break from prison routine, as well as better facilities and food.

 

A great game, both teams played well and it finished as a good scoring respectable draw, but when the final whistle blew, there was a pitch invasion! I figured it was literally my end of game, as prisoners swamped us all, but to my great relief and then joy, they were all patting us on the back and saying things like “Thanks for coming here lads”, “Thanks for coming to play”, “Really appreciate you coming”. A humbling and rewarding feeling.

 

Again one of the guards later explained, that many of the teams they were drawn against would forgoe the game and points, so they’d train without getting a game. The more trusted prisoners didn’t get their two hours standing round a pitch for entertainment and the rest of the prisoners didn’t get their break in routine and probably no opportunity to gamble.

 

The after beers session in the officers mess was also the strangest after game drinks I’ve been to, as the opposing team wasn’t there to get pissed with, save for 3 or 4 guards.

 

Full rollercoaster of emotions that day, and certainly both an eye opener and deterrent to ending up in somewhere like that.

 

I've heard of those overhead wires in non uk Prisons but not in UK ones. I expect the only helicopter likely to arrive in a UK prison back then was the cunt from the Barratt Homes advert.

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15 hours ago, RJ Fan club said:

You were probably quite close to it’s nest.

 

Barn owl once swooped 2ft above me as I walked in a barn (well of sorts) on the South Downs, hands down the most impressive wild creature I’ve ever seen in close quarters. And I include Red Deer, Whales and Crocs in that  

We had one sat on the lawn just looking into the kitchen; its expression basically said, "this is my garden now". Never seen it again tho'.

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7 hours ago, jonnyp said:

Prison experience for me was from when I played a lot of rugby when I was younger.
 

The league we were in had a game against a maximum security prison team in the north east somewhere. I remember as a young fella what a sobering experience the whole episode was, from having to get all your details checked out by the government, far in advance of the game, being searched, then the reality of the numerous checks as each iron barred gate opened, closed loudly and locked behind you.

 

A real weird atmosphere and briefing on what to expect, what-if scenarios etc., before finally getting escorted out on to the pitch, which was double fenced all the way round, in the middle of prison. From the cells ‘fortunate’ enough to have a pitch side view, there were prisoners faces screaming dogs abuse from the barred windows! 
 

The pitch itself was pristine, but the shock of seeing there were overhead wires to prevent helicopters dropping in for rescue attempts, was soon replaced by the horror of seeing about 150 prisoners stood around the touch line.

 

So, the game kicks off and immediately it was clear that the overhead wires would restrict the kicking game and/or add to the excitement of the game, as the ball dropped straight back down with no territory gained.
 

Their team was mostly prisoners but with some guards in it too and we were obviously expecting some sort of Mean Machine script to unfold. Motivating comments from the crowd of “rip his fucking throat out”, and “you look good in those shorts son”, meant the full width of the pitch wasn’t utilised that frequently.

 

To this date, I would say that this was the physically hardest but fairest game I’ve ever played in, with zero foul play. One of the guards who played explained to us afterwards when we mentioned it, that it was because if any prisoner crossed a line, they would lose their hard gained privileges for themselves and the whole team. So, in short it gave them a ‘fair’ outlet for their anger and frustration, a break from prison routine, as well as better facilities and food.

 

A great game, both teams played well and it finished as a good scoring respectable draw, but when the final whistle blew, there was a pitch invasion! I figured it was literally my end of game, as prisoners swamped us all, but to my great relief and then joy, they were all patting us on the back and saying things like “Thanks for coming here lads”, “Thanks for coming to play”, “Really appreciate you coming”. A humbling and rewarding feeling.

 

Again one of the guards later explained, that many of the teams they were drawn against would forgoe the game and points, so they’d train without getting a game. The more trusted prisoners didn’t get their two hours standing round a pitch for entertainment and the rest of the prisoners didn’t get their break in routine and probably no opportunity to gamble.

 

The after beers session in the officers mess was also the strangest after game drinks I’ve been to, as the opposing team wasn’t there to get pissed with, save for 3 or 4 guards.

 

Full rollercoaster of emotions that day, and certainly both an eye opener and deterrent to ending up in somewhere like that.

 

Was that Frankland in Durham?

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7 hours ago, jonnyp said:

Prison experience for me was from when I played a lot of rugby when I was younger.
 

The league we were in had a game against a maximum security prison team in the north east somewhere. I remember as a young fella what a sobering experience the whole episode was, from having to get all your details checked out by the government, far in advance of the game, being searched, then the reality of the numerous checks as each iron barred gate opened, closed loudly and locked behind you.

 

A real weird atmosphere and briefing on what to expect, what-if scenarios etc., before finally getting escorted out on to the pitch, which was double fenced all the way round, in the middle of prison. From the cells ‘fortunate’ enough to have a pitch side view, there were prisoners faces screaming dogs abuse from the barred windows! 
 

The pitch itself was pristine, but the shock of seeing there were overhead wires to prevent helicopters dropping in for rescue attempts, was soon replaced by the horror of seeing about 150 prisoners stood around the touch line.

 

So, the game kicks off and immediately it was clear that the overhead wires would restrict the kicking game and/or add to the excitement of the game, as the ball dropped straight back down with no territory gained.
 

Their team was mostly prisoners but with some guards in it too and we were obviously expecting some sort of Mean Machine script to unfold. Motivating comments from the crowd of “rip his fucking throat out”, and “you look good in those shorts son”, meant the full width of the pitch wasn’t utilised that frequently.

 

To this date, I would say that this was the physically hardest but fairest game I’ve ever played in, with zero foul play. One of the guards who played explained to us afterwards when we mentioned it, that it was because if any prisoner crossed a line, they would lose their hard gained privileges for themselves and the whole team. So, in short it gave them a ‘fair’ outlet for their anger and frustration, a break from prison routine, as well as better facilities and food.

 

A great game, both teams played well and it finished as a good scoring respectable draw, but when the final whistle blew, there was a pitch invasion! I figured it was literally my end of game, as prisoners swamped us all, but to my great relief and then joy, they were all patting us on the back and saying things like “Thanks for coming here lads”, “Thanks for coming to play”, “Really appreciate you coming”. A humbling and rewarding feeling.

 

Again one of the guards later explained, that many of the teams they were drawn against would forgoe the game and points, so they’d train without getting a game. The more trusted prisoners didn’t get their two hours standing round a pitch for entertainment and the rest of the prisoners didn’t get their break in routine and probably no opportunity to gamble.

 

The after beers session in the officers mess was also the strangest after game drinks I’ve been to, as the opposing team wasn’t there to get pissed with, save for 3 or 4 guards.

 

Full rollercoaster of emotions that day, and certainly both an eye opener and deterrent to ending up in somewhere like that.

 

Great match report, had everything.

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4 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Lacked a shower scene.

Yea, but had the tease of sexual imagination of men in shorts. If that's your thing.

DaveU match reports are dead to me.

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1 hour ago, jonnyp said:

May well have been, but can’t remember. South of Sunderland, North of Doncaster.

Some bad bastards in there.

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