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Carvalho Diablo

Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.

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1 hour ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been attacked by an animal?

I've been surrounded by wild dogs 2 nights running in Thailand. There were only 3 of them the first time round and they were barking and snarling, but I was in a foul fucking mood anyway so just took my anger out on them kicking stones aggressively and just shouting any old shit and they soon scarpered. The second day there were fucking loads of them and I've exhaggerated saying I got surrounded by them this time, I saw the burly wild cunts prowling the empty streets ahead and fucking legged it into the cool bosom of a seven eleven.

 

What a shit story. Another mate who went to Thailand was surrounded by wild dogs on the beach while he was lying in his sleeping bag, his bird and her mate wre nearby. He had to fight the fuckers off with a knife and drew blood on one of them. Later on in the trip he was with some mates on a motorbike and they were getting chased by dogs, one of the guys run one of the fuckers over. Wild dogs are a menace out there.

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7 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been attacked by an animal?

Does a cat count? A girli know used to have a cat that was pretty feral and it used to fly out and attack me from under couches, on top of shelves, it had the full range of Solid Snake sneaking abilities. A horrifically evil creature, i'm not going to lie i was tempted to launch it across the room on several occasions.  

 

Also got pinned to the deck (by the neck) by an Alsation when i was about 8, which was nice. Somehow it was all my fault as well. 

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7 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been attacked by an animal?

 

Was attacked by a Japanese Akita which tore my arms to shreds as I protected my throat, which it was going for.

 

I'd had the dog for two years at this point and in hindsight there had been warning signs...

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I got chased by a feral dog in Romania.  I’d gone for a run along a river bank and this dog took exception.  It got itself all wound up and was coming closer and closer.  I’d just resigned myself to being bitten and dying of rabies when a bloke fishing in the river twatted it with his carp rod and it fucked off.  On that same trip I went for another run around a park and a massive branch fell off a tree.  It was like Final Destination.  

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7 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been attacked by an animal?

We had a cat once that sounds a bit like the one Total Longo describes.

It used to wait on the landing and swipe at you claws out when you went up the stairs snarling and it was forever attacking the Labrador we had which was the gentlest  dog you could imagine. 

Fucking evil little twat it was. 

 

I got chased by a ram on a camping holiday when I was 13. 

It was during that hot summer of 1976 when you didn't have much energy. I found some then alright, I had to launch myself over a stile to escape it, much to the amusement of other campers.

 

 

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46 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

I got chased by a feral dog in Romania.  I’d gone for a run along a river bank and this dog took exception.  It got itself all wound up and was coming closer and closer.  I’d just resigned myself to being bitten and dying of rabies when a bloke fishing in the river twatted it with his carp rod and it fucked off.  On that same trip I went for another run around a park and a massive branch fell off a tree.  It was like Final Destination.  

Wild dogs are everywhere in Romania. I once went for a walk from my hotel and turned a corner to find at least twenty just sitting basking in the evening sun. Not sure this lot we’re interested in me but I didn’t hang around to find out. 
 

One that did object to my presence was the dog I disturbed sleeping in the entrance to the office when I made the error of arriving early. I got myself trapped between the departing taxi, the office door and an unhappy canine. Fortunately I backed off when the taxi moved and it calmed down.


When I recounted this story to my coworkers later, nobody cared. That hurt more than the close encounter with mad dog. 

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1 hour ago, Harry's Lad said:

We had a cat once that sounds a bit like the one Total Longo describes.

It used to wait on the landing and swipe at you claws out when you went up the stairs snarling and it was forever attacking the Labrador we had which was the gentlest  dog you could imagine. 

Fucking evil little twat it was. 

 

I got chased by a ram on a camping holiday when I was 13. 

It was during that hot summer of 1976 when you didn't have much energy. I found some then alright, I had to launch myself over a stile to escape it, much to the amusement of other campers.

 

 

Me and my ex got chased by a gang of Rams in Tunisia. Fancied a stroll off the beaten track. Ended up in some shit derelict estate, crossed some small bridge and saw these fuckers the other side but further down. As we got to the end of the bridge the nosiest one had started heading towards us, next thing they all start coming for us. Naturally we legged it. 

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2 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

Was attacked by a Japanese Akita which tore my arms to shreds as I protected my throat, which it was going for.

 

I'd had the dog for two years at this point and in hindsight there had been warning signs...

Fuckin hell fella, guessing it's no more?

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24 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

Yeah, we took a trip to doggy dignitas the day after.

 

The look in his eyes knew he'd fucked up.

Bet it did.

I have theory (untried) people are such dog lovers they never go for the kill when dogs are attacking humans. I got bit on the arse when jogging, a Norris Green dog as well. Kick the fucka back and hear shouts of, "out of order that mate"

 

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11 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been attacked by an animal?

5 minutes after reading I swatted a wasp, didn't know it had somehow gone under my foot in my sandal. Fucka stung me.

Wasps in November is just wrong.

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Witnessed an Ostrich attack. On holiday years ago with the wife. She was pregnant with our eldest, who’s now seventeen.

 

The weather wasn’t cracking so I signed up for a quad bike excursion, leaving the wife to whatever wives do when their significant others bugger off. 
 

Turned out, I was the only one on the trip so I had all on keeping up with my guide who was the Tunisian Barry Sheen. 
 

We ended up at an Ostrich farm, for reasons that were never clear, other than the guide knew someone who worked there.
 

On the way up to the ‘farmhouse’ one of the Ostriches was blocking our path. At the very moment my guide began to tell me there was nothing to worry about, the giant bird screeched like the devil, rose up and went for him. He dived off his quad bike and into a ditch. It didn’t go for me, presumably because it respected foreigners. 
 

After the incident my guide was something of a nervous wreck. Fortunately his mate had weed so we smoked that and calmed him down. Fuck knows how I managed to get back to the hotel without falling off but I did. 

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There used to be a huge angry St Bernard dog in the massive front garden of a house on the corner of Eastern Avenue/Alderwood Avenue in Speke. Big dog, more like a lion. It used to bark like fuck over the fence at anybody walking past. I would always walk that way on my way to and from the pub and because I was dead hard and often bladdered, I’d walk past barking back at it. 
 

Came around the corner one day and it’d got out of the garden and was going mad at some poor bastard taking shelter in the bus stop. It immediately turned round and came towards me, stopping about 6ft shy of me leaving me pinned up against the garden fence and scared to move. Every time I slid along the fence by a couple of inches it’d start going even madder. 
 

There was some people in a garden over the road trying to get it’s attention and get it away from me but the dog wouldn’t have it. I spent a couple of minutes there, on the brink of tears, thinking that I was gonna get mauled to death by the big bastard but eventually it got bored and started to wander off, just as a bus pulled up. I sprinted to the bus and jumped on even though I only lived about five hundred yards down the road. 
 

Never, ever barked at it again when I walked past. 

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3 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

I got chased by a feral dog in Romania.  I’d gone for a run along a river bank and this dog took exception.  It got itself all wound up and was coming closer and closer.  I’d just resigned myself to being bitten and dying of rabies when a bloke fishing in the river twatted it with his carp rod and it fucked off.  On that same trip I went for another run around a park and a massive branch fell off a tree.  It was like Final Destination.  

Nigel Pearson over here.

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About 20 years ago, when I was getting the bus home from work. I was sat at the back just day dreaming, when I felt a pain in my right ankle. I thought it must've been an ankle hair getting pinched by my sock, so I just scratched at it with my left foot, without looking.

 

Anyway, a hundred yards up the road and this pain stabbed me again, so I again repeated the left foot rub / leg scratch manoeuvre. The bus then pulled up at my stop and I got off as the bus idled for 5 minutes.

 

When I got off though, I rolled up my trouser leg to discover a bee hanging off my ankle, it's stinger barb clearly affixed, so I brushed the stripey cunt off and began walking home.

 

I got 10 yards further up the road but I was so enraged by this cowardly assault that I turned around and went back to confront my assailant.

 

The bee was lying on the pavement where I'd left it, but I was so angered by it's cowardly and unprovoked attack that I decided to teach the sadistic little buzzing twat a lesson by jumping up and down on it several times to finish it.

 

The bus was still parked there, right next to my righteous come back victory battering, the passengers looking at me as if I was off my rocker. Cheeky bastards.

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12 hours ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...been attacked by an animal?

I got attacked by a swan in Bowness.

 

I had just had a lovely breakfast, minding my own business, reading a book over two pots of tea and a hearty full English (I won't tell you what was on the plate as I don't want to start a war).  So I am sauntering towards the bit of the lake where the ferries go from, and this swan is walking towards me on the footpath.  Not wanting a broken arm, I started to growl and make menacing noises at this swan, but it was having none of it.  Kept walking towards me, by this time there was hissing and the wings were out (both from the swan), so as soon as it got within swiping distance, I clocked it round the head quite hard with my book.  That was enough to make it turn round, so I helped it on its way with a gentle boot up the arse to help it take to the air.  This was in November, so there weren't too many people about, thank fuck.

 

The book was by Christopher Hitchens.  I thought of the irony as I whacked the unfortunate bird, because if it was the author, he would have just stood there arguing with it for 25 minutes.

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