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Has any one ever...? Tell us about it.


Carvalho Diablo
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5 hours ago, easytoslip said:

My mate done that but he was on his way out when all of a sudden he had to go, he jumped over into a garden full of bushes and as he crouched down with an exploding arse a dog came bounding over amd knocked him sideways with the owner in pursuit shouting. 

He quickly pulled his kecks up covered in shite and got away but obviously didnt get to go out. Ive mentioned that before i think. 

My mate was on his way down to Southsea for the weekend and crashing at mine. He lived on the wirral at the time and had murder with his missus the night before so needed to get away from her for a few days. Anyway hungover as fuck he gets the train down. Calls me after his train got in half panicking half laughing. He'd been caught short as he started walking (hungover, back on the ale on the train etc) and ran down an alleyway in Somerstown for an impromptu curl out. Mid shit a door he hadn't seen opens behind him. he was shitting on some fellas doorstep, literally. Fella just looks down at him and goes "Oh you dirty bastard" and slams the door while my mate is looking up at him just saying "I'm so sorry mate" 

 

I'm godfather to his twin daughters. 

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23 hours ago, Elite said:

Anyone ever pissed in someone's house and I don't mean by using the toilet?

Does pissing out of the window count?

I was in a mate's house and I woke up (pissed, of course) absolutely bursting and unable to find the door out of the room, let alone the bog. The window was the only sensible choice.

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43 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

My mate was on his way down to Southsea for the weekend and crashing at mine. He lived on the wirral at the time and had murder with his missus the night before so needed to get away from her for a few days. Anyway hungover as fuck he gets the train down. Calls me after his train got in half panicking half laughing. He'd been caught short as he started walking (hungover, back on the ale on the train etc) and ran down an alleyway in Somerstown for an impromptu curl out. Mid shit a door he hadn't seen opens behind him. he was shitting on some fellas doorstep, literally. Fella just looks down at him and goes "Oh you dirty bastard" and slams the door while my mate is looking up at him just saying "I'm so sorry mate" 

 

I'm godfather to his twin daughters. 

Haha. The nearest i got it happening to me was a few years ago  id got off the train and was at the cashpoint, them ones in Whitechapel, when all of a sudden i felt rumblings so i said to her hang on here and legged it over to Betfreds opposite and got in toilet and me arse felt like Karaktoa exploding, but there was no bog roll so i had to use a T Shirt out from grip, there was no way i could put it back so i left it in there though feeling a cunt for doing so. It was filthy anyway and its a wonder i never caught an unpronounceable disease off the toilet seat. 

High St bookies can provide a service. 

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2 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Haha. The nearest i got it happening to me was a few years ago  id got off the train and was at the cashpoint, them ones in Whitechapel, when all of a sudden i felt rumblings so i said to her hang on here and legged it over to Betfreds opposite and got in toilet and me arse felt like Karaktoa exploding, but there was no bog roll so i had to use a T Shirt out from grip, there was no way i could put it back so i left it in there though feeling a cunt for doing so. It was filthy anyway and its a wonder i never caught an unpronounceable disease off the toilet seat. 

High St bookies can provide a service. 

tiolet3.jpg

 

 

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13 hours ago, tokyojoe said:

That looks like the bog in the Eagle, near Limey. Don't know if it's still there. THe Eagle that is, not Limey.

That pub was mentioned in another thread some time ago, and fucked if i can remember it or if its still there, all i know is the Crown obviously Skelhorn St gone along with that cafe behind the Crown where the Premier Inn is now. 

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On 20/11/2021 at 11:10, Carvalho Diablo said:

Heading up to Newcastle to see Neil Young, I'd arranged to meet with @Chairman Meow  and my mate Sievo a few years back, I'd taken the afternoon off work so had arranged to mate Sievo that afternoon at the Union Rooms for a few pints.

 

I got there early, got my drink and went to sit outside in the small terrace beer garden at the front, it was summer time, I sat down, took a drink and that was it, I was out like a fucking light.

 

Next thing I know, Sievo is patting me on the shoulder to wake me up. I'd been fast asleep for close on 2 hours, problem was however, I could feel my face, nose and ears had caught the sun.

 

Met up with Chairman Miaow later on and the gig was great.

 

Got up for work the next day though and fucking hell, Simon Weston was starring back at me from the bathroom mirror. Worst of all though we're my ears, they were bright red, peeling and seeping, swollen and sticking out from my head at unnatural angles.

 

Every cunt at work, punters included, pulled the piss out of me for days afterwards. The only relief I got was from Boots emergency burn cream.

 

Daft bastard.

 

 

 

When we met up for the match at St. James for the Olympics you had been stood outside the pub for quite a while and likewise outside the Cluny before the Scott Ian thing.

 

To be honest until you posted that I actually just thought that your face was always bright red. 

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19 minutes ago, Chairman Meow said:

 

When we met up for the match at St. James for the Olympics you had been stood outside the pub for quite a while and likewise outside the Cluny before the Scott Ian thing.

 

To be honest until you posted that I actually just thought that your face was always bright red. 

Hahaha

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18 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Similar to others fell asleep on the bus to work hungover, took me all the way to town, then back again, woke up at almost the exact point I got on back near home, got off and phoned in work sick.

I used to live in Runcorn and work in Liverpool. I'd routinely doze on the bus home, but I wouldn't miss my stop, because the stink of West Bank Widnes would let me know I had 10 minutes to go, then the smell of cinnamon or nutmeg or whatever from the Lion Brands factory would let me know I had 5 minutes to go.

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5 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...jammed a finger in a car door?

Yes and I'm still missing half a thumb nail (It was a car boot my ex slammed and nearly took my thumb off) the nail won't grow back properly. 

3 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...had to kick down a door?

I've had to smash a small window in an old front door to get in while I was locked out and my mate was asleep bladdered on the couch, I couldn't actually see the fucker through the letterbox and hear him snoring. 

31 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Similar to others fell asleep on the bus to work hungover, took me all the way to town, then back again, woke up at almost the exact point I got on back near home, got off and phoned in work sick.

When I was staying in Widnes a few years back I'd had a few bottles of red on the sunday and was on the bus to work in town on the monday morning. Got through Tarbock and could feel myself going pale and getting serious sweats, get to Belle Vale and the bus pulls up at a bus stop, the vibrations went right through my stomach and I threw up. Uncontrollable as well, a good 3/4 spews. Thankfully (and by some miracle because it was usually packed) it wasn't that busy so I got off the bus. Crossed the road and got the bus home. Public transport with a hangover is brutal. 

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25 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Yes and I'm still missing half a thumb nail (It was a car boot my ex slammed and nearly took my thumb off) the nail won't grow back properly. 

I've had to smash a small window in an old front door to get in while I was locked out and my mate was asleep bladdered on the couch, I couldn't actually see the fucker through the letterbox and hear him snoring. 

When I was staying in Widnes a few years back I'd had a few bottles of red on the sunday and was on the bus to work in town on the monday morning. Got through Tarbock and could feel myself going pale and getting serious sweats, get to Belle Vale and the bus pulls up at a bus stop, the vibrations went right through my stomach and I threw up. Uncontrollable as well, a good 3/4 spews. Thankfully (and by some miracle because it was usually packed) it wasn't that busy so I got off the bus. Crossed the road and got the bus home. Public transport with a hangover is brutal. 

I meant I 'could' see the fucker.  He works at Heathrow these days. Dopey cunt will probably end up with a plane landing on him. 

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1 hour ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Has anyone ever...had to kick down a door?

I had to break into a house I was living in with mates after uni the week after we’d moved out at the end of our contract, but we went in through a window rather than smashing the back door.

 

our landlord was a bit of a prick who you could never contact, and when we moved out we had forgotten to take the digibox think you used to get from digital tv providers, and so couldn’t get back out deposit from them when we cancelled unless we got it back.

 

We’d already returned our keys and the landlord refused to meet us to let us in to grab it, so me and one of the lads I lived with (who is much smaller than me) went round, climbed into the yard from the alley behind, and then proceeded to remove the horizontal slat window panes from the top of the lounge window and I shoved him through it. We’d got in this way a few times when forgetting our keys while we lived there but now there was no tv and tv cabinet to help lower himself down, so instead he had to fall head first from about 2 metres up in the air to the floor.

 

anyway, he was in, unlocked the back door, we grabbed the digi box, put the glass panes back in and fucked off.

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3 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

I've had to smash a small window in an old front door to get in while I was locked out and my mate was asleep bladdered on the couch, I couldn't actually see the fucker through the letterbox and hear him snoring. 

 

Haha that reminds me of doing an all inclusive booze fest at Lloret de Mar near Barcelona. I was sharing a room with 2 mates and was knocking on the door for about half an hour but they were hammered, passed out and weren't answering. So I, rather brilliantly I might add, fooled reception into giving me the key for next door, let myself in there. I then went to the balcony and climbed from next door on to our balcony absolutely shitfaced and several stories up and finally got in to see my 2 dickhead mates sat up talking!

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