Jump to content
YorkshireRed

Resilience (The ability to bounce back)

Recommended Posts

18 minutes ago, mattyq said:

 

Look at someone like Trump who's had a million setbacks that seemingly bounced off him to no effect.

Helps to start out with a few hundred million.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

The prayer of St. Augustine.

 

Grant me the courage to change what I can change, the serenity to accept what I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.

I should know that given I went to a Primary School of the same name,but I dont. There was a beatnik teacher there who had the whole school singing House of The Rising Sun in assembly,interspersed with The Long and Winding Road,Let it Be,Blowin in The Wind and Me and Bobby McGhee. Great stuff for young minds to listen to.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think getting older helps. I’m 56 now and reckon with a fair wind, I’ve got 20 years left. I remember stuff from 20 years ago as clear as day so I know how quick that can go. Once you realise the nature of your own mortality, it gives you massive sense of perspective. You really don’t get very long on this planet so try not to sweat the small stuff. I’ve learnt never turn down the chance to have a drink, a fuck or a pee.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I should know that given I went to a Primary School of the same name,but I dont. There was a beatnik teacher there who had the whole school singing House of The Rising Sun in assembly,interspersed with The Long and Winding Road,Let it Be,Blowin in The Wind and Me and Bobby McGhee. Great stuff for young minds to listen to.

I went to St Eddie's. We had a Geordie teacher who taught us The Lambton Worm.

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I spoke to a counsellor yesterday, who recommended 'mindfulness' as a way to cope with frustration and anxiety. Has anyone used any particularly helpful apps that they'd recommend?

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Karl_b said:

I spoke to a counsellor yesterday, who recommended 'mindfulness' as a way to cope with frustration and anxiety. Has anyone used any particularly helpful apps that they'd recommend?

I use a meditation app called Balance which incorporates some mindfulness techniques (somebody from here recommended it). It’s free for the first year but is quite pricey after that so, if you use it, set a reminder to cancel. 

 

There’s also one called ‘The Mindfulness App’. I haven’t used it but it’s highly rated in the App Store. 
 

Another one to look at is Headspace.

 

Hope you find something that works for you. 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Karl_b said:

I spoke to a counsellor yesterday, who recommended 'mindfulness' as a way to cope with frustration and anxiety. Has anyone used any particularly helpful apps that they'd recommend?

I tried one called Headspace? I think. I tried it once and it was ok.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, RJ Fan club said:

I drink.

 

Works for me 

So do I.

 

I feel so lucky that I don't have any kind of mental ill health.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Karl_b said:

I spoke to a counsellor yesterday, who recommended 'mindfulness' as a way to cope with frustration and anxiety. Has anyone used any particularly helpful apps that they'd recommend?

To be honest,this is a standard answer nowadays.If people weren't having to work themselves half to death to barely scrape by or worrying how to find money to buy clothes and food,pay for heating and just worry themselves to death. The rise in mental health issues are directly linked to how our society is run,the selfishness and greed have to have a negative effect.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 08/10/2021 at 17:12, Karl_b said:

In the context of forthcoming parenthood,

One thing that bothers me is the stress that some books put on parents to be and new parents, you do your best, you're not expected to be a perfect parent. All books have an agenda and not all are suited to each parent and child yet many take it to the nth degree. More so if we've hardly had a good childhood experience ourselves.   

 

It's not about being a perfect parent - it's about being good enough. Was that meal perfect or was it good enough... was that bed time story perfect or was it good enough, did that bath time routine go perfectly or was it good enough, was that trip to the park perfect or was it good enough. Society puts pressures on us to make us think we need to be textbook perfect. I only wish i'd have come to that realisation earlier, trying to be perfect absolutely obliterated my MH when mine were little.  Once I'd dealt with that, i had the most feral but well behaved children possible. 









There are two ways to look at the OP, mentally I'm incredibly resilient. I've not always been that way, there were times when each day was a battle (especially when the kids were really little) just as i joined here i had 2 close bereavements in 2 months, my nan and my cousin (23). My nan was my stay, she left me some funds in her will, as a result i was absolutely vilified by family members, i had to go into supported accommodation with panic alarms and police locators on it. A few months later a family member had suggested i was committing insurance fraud so had to go through rounds of questioning for that, on and on it went. I eventually cut pretty much all family out of my life. They were affecting my ability to move forward. My second daughter then became ill and lost her vision, i bumped into my sister in the supermarket and told her, so family slowly crept back in. Anyway - a decade down the line they're gone again. They totally try and drag me back to that life that i moved on from. That period of my life stretched me so thin that i refuse to go back there, as alluded to earlier by Cochyn, it's not a case of bouncing back, it's bouncing forward. We should learn from our challenges, our triggers, our struggles. Do what we need to do to maintain our wellbeing where possible. If that means changing aspects of our life, change what you can top protect your own wellbeing. 

 

Jobs shit, don't like it - get a new one. 

Neighbours are cunts - move. 

Siblings are shits - tell them to leave. 

 

 

Yeah, I maybe over simplifying it, but am I? What is your wellbeing worth? To me it's everything. 

 

Physical resilience - I'm totally shit these days. I've developed sepsis 3 times in the last 2 years. 3 fucking times, each time down to a shitty hospital and it's staff not listening or recognising symptoms. Last time though, yeah all hell broke lose on that ward. It should never be down to a patient to notice the monitors are tanking and for the patient to raise the alarm address it. Ski and i joke about this hospital now and what it's next attempt to see me off will be from. Anyway, recovery from that one is still ongoing. 

 

 

 

 

  • Upvote 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Karl_b said:

I spoke to a counsellor yesterday, who recommended 'mindfulness' as a way to cope with frustration and anxiety. Has anyone used any particularly helpful apps that they'd recommend?

Headspace, Calm, I mainly use and subscribe to a local one The Scouse Guru. All offer different yet helpful ways to manage your mindfulness. 
 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can be a bit Jekyll and Hyde sometimes, same as a lot of people I suppose, but sometimes it's almost as if I am deliberately trying to make life difficult for the people I love and who least deserve it.

I don't have much of a fuse temper wise and I can be moody.

 

The worse thing is, it's like I'm actually watching myself doing it and I'm saying to myself stop it you stupid cunt, but I can't.

Thankfully though, I'm not like this very often.

 

When I come out of it  I'm as affable as they come, or at least I think I am.

Mrs HL, my kids and grandkids have never wanted for anything and I consider them much more important than me.

 

I've only ever wanted to provide and make sure they're safe and secure.

They all come first, which is as it should be.

 

It might sound a bit twee, but my family, my dogs, the unmentionable, (as frustrating as that might be) and a fucking good sense of humour always seem to manage between them to give me the lift I need.

 

That and the fact I've always been bloody minded and  stubborn, with a will to succeed which is a frame of mind that has served me well and helped me deal with my health issues over the last 25 years.


I don't know if I have any mental health problems myself, sometimes I can feel a bit low, but doesn't everybody? but on the whole, I think I'm doing ok.

 

Having said that, I know that mental health issues, depression, anxiety etc, are very real and I feel for anybody who has any of these conditions to live with.

You have my respect and I hope you are all as well as you can be.

 

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

The worse thing is, it's like I'm actually watching myself doing it and I'm saying to myself stop it you stupid cunt, but I can't.

This definitely resonates with me. I actually have it both ways. I watch myself being a cunt and loath the person I see. Occasionally I also watch myself being the best of me and wonder who the fuck that person even is. I don’t like either of them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In this world, you need to be a bit of a cunt.

 

Obviously not to people who treat you with respect but there's plenty of people that will take advantage or show you a lack of courtesy, you need to be cunts with those fuckers pronto.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, Elite said:

In this world, you need to be a bit of a cunt.

 

Obviously not to people who treat you with respect but there's plenty of people that will take advantage or show you a lack of courtesy, you need to be cunts with those fuckers pronto.

I wouldn't even consider it being a cunt. Just respect yourself and don't let anyone treat you like a twat.

 

Also, don't get hung up on other people's opinions of you. If someone you care about thinks you're a bellend, that's a problem; if someone you couldn't give a shit about thinks it, so what?

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

I wouldn't even consider it being a cunt. Just respect yourself and don't let anyone treat you like a twat.

 

Also, don't get hung up on other people's opinions of you. If someone you care about thinks you're a bellend, that's a problem; if someone you couldn't give a shit about thinks it, so what?

Fucking spot on mate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
35 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

This definitely resonates with me. I actually have it both ways. I watch myself being a cunt and loath the person I see. Occasionally I also watch myself being the best of me and wonder who the fuck that person even is. I don’t like either of them. 

Yep. 100% this.

 

It's not who I want to be at all and I'm not for the vast majority of the time.

I know for the most part it's pure frustration though, not being able enough to do things that would have been a piece of piss to do and I get angry with myself for that and it boils over. I hate that.

 

Mrs HL has her moments as well though, so she more than gets her own back, not forgetting 30+ years of PMT!

 

We've been together for 38 years now, married for 35 of them, so we must be doing something right. 

 

 

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

To be honest,this is a standard answer nowadays.If people weren't having to work themselves half to death to barely scrape by or worrying how to find money to buy clothes and food,pay for heating and just worry themselves to death. The rise in mental health issues are directly linked to how our society is run,the selfishness and greed have to have a negative effect.

 

Aye. I find mindfulness a bit of a copout. I'm sure it might help a bit, but breathing exercises and the likes aren't going to help with the underlying issues. The NHS use mindfulness because it's easy to score and says you've accomplished a task that lets them discharge you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm with you all on the massive elephant in the room regarding mental health, namely it's all fluff unless you deal with the basics (food, shelter, love). However, going back to the thread title, resilience is something I have an issue with and finding coping mechanisms that mean I don't lie awake at night, trembling and feeling nauseous would be a welcome sticking plaster at this point!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I'm with you all on the massive elephant in the room regarding mental health, namely it's all fluff unless you deal with the basics (food, shelter, love). However, going back to the thread title, resilience is something I have an issue with and finding coping mechanisms that mean I don't lie awake at night, trembling and feeling nauseous would be a welcome sticking plaster at this point!

I do take the points about mindfulness mentioned above but I think something like this might be at least worth a try. It sounds like you need to do something. 

 

In all likelihood, no one thing will completely do the trick. You’ll perhaps need a combination of approaches, particularly to address the root cause. 
 

My advice, if that’s worth anything at all, is give it a try. If it doesn’t work straight away, try it again. Keep trying it and see if it starts to help at all over a few weeks. If, by then, it’s really not for you then try something else. 
 

I hope you know, particularly with your last sentence, that you are not alone. I guarantee there will be others who read that who experience similar. They might not want to share (I know that’s not going to be easy for some) but reading that will resonate.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×