What's the best single thing to put on buttered toast?

[Bjornebye]

7 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Absolutely nothing wrong with cold buttered toast. Ideally the toast cools before the butter is applied 

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

28 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Absolutely nothing wrong with cold buttered toast. Ideally the toast cools before the butter is applied 

I have some sympathy with this.
 

I enjoy my buttered soldiers to be cold before dipping them into a boiled egg, same goes for the central slice with the fried egg (or poached) on top as part of a cooked breakfast. 

 

Cold buttered toast on its own seems a peculiar state of affairs but each to their own. 

[Bjornebye]

I almost panic in my haste to get the butter onto the toast right away. Nothing worse than butter not melting into the toast. 

[Remmie]

19 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I almost panic in my haste to get the butter onto the toast right away. Nothing worse than butter not melting into the toast. 

Don't get me wrong, I like hot buttered toast best, but once in a blue moon cold toast and butter makes a nice change. Better than soggy toast where it has cooled with the butter. 

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Don't get me wrong, I like hot buttered toast best, but once in a blue moon cold toast and butter makes a nice change. Better than soggy toast where it has cooled with the butter. 

I've just typed 'snuff' into google and this was the first image

 

 

[Bjornebye]

http://www.foodurchin.com/2014/06/the-travesty-of-cold-toast.html

 

I shouldn't be getting into this. I have lots of other things to do. Other things to write about. Lots of things. I am very busy. Time is money, money is time and all that.

But I just can't let this lie. I discovered something today that is so appalling, I decided that I just had to do something about it. People need to know about this pervading sickness that is threatening to undermine society (or breakfast time at the very least).

So, what's it all about Alfie?

Well, it all started this morning as I mooched around in the kitchen in my underwear, going through the usual rigmarole of getting ready for the day. It's always tough getting going on a Monday, especially if you are trying to shake off the shackles of a mild hangover. I took receivership of a new fridge freezer at the weekend and celebrated by filling the thing with booze and I partied with it until quite late. I was bonding you see.

Anyway, some restorative coffee and toast was in order and I went through my usual process of slapping two slices of Mighty White under the grill; paying close attention with bleary eyes and a slightly aching bent back. It's quite meditative really, stooping and watching bread crisp and brown under the warm glow of a fork-shaped element. Besides, our grill is quite crap, you have to shift the bread around, otherwise you never get an even tan. I then whipped them out, piping hot and slathered some soft butter across with a swish that D'Artagnan would proud of. Using a knife of course, not a sword. I waited a moment or two, watching as the butter melted into the scratched landscape, islands of yellow fat that form cloudy reefs, before slowly sinking away. I then bit into the toast and all was right with the world.

Being the sort of guy who likes to share in his experiences, I then tweeted this -
 

- thinking that a) my opinion on this was totally right and irrefutable and b) that everyone would be in agreement with this fact, thus vainly stroking my ego and making me feel like a hundred million dollars.

However, it seems that not all people agree with this. It seems that some people prefer to wait for their toast to turn COLD before spreading butter across, citing that they prefer the crunchy texture of barren, stiffened bread. Some people even went so far as to say that they like to BURN their toast, leave it to cool and then they like to spread a blanket of butter and then jam (or Marmite) so that the whole topping coagulates into some marbleized, miasmic mess.

These people are clearly freaks and should not be allowed anywhere near a fork-shaped element (however inefficient). Or a toaster for that matter. That some of these people pertain to be some sort of experts in food (some have written books, some have even been on the TV) is even more galling. Since when has it ever been acceptable to let your toast go cold? Would you call a crouton toast? No. Would you return and eat a slice of charred bread, left and forgotten for 12 hours? No. Would you do the same with crumpets? No no no no no.

B&B's across the land have been getting away with it for years but to find out that people are doing this in the comfort of their own homes is disturbing. This suggestion of cold toast is madness and it needs to stop and it needs to stop NOW. 

So don't do it people......just don't.

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I've just typed 'snuff' into google and this was the first image

 

 

Fucking state of that.

 

[Remmie]

5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I've just typed 'snuff' into google and this was the first image

 

 

What snuff were you hoping to find? 

[Bjornebye]

17 minutes ago, Remmie said:

What snuff were you hoping to find? 

Something less disgusting 

[Burkray09]

im offended by jam/marmalade.

 

it is one or the other and i go marmalade.

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Something less disgusting 

You've changed 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Remmie said:

You've changed 

You spread cold butter on cold toast. 

[Remmie]

[Redder Lurtz]

On 16/08/2021 at 16:50, KMD7 said:

Ha! My 4th choice would have been Heinz Sandwich Spread. I enjoy slumming it too.

Jesus, do they still make that? 

[Redder Lurtz]

On 15/08/2021 at 21:51, Remmie said:

Scrambled egg got my vote but it has to be done properly not some of the shit you get on continental buffets. I like some finely grated cheddar in there as well. 

Kudos for putting grated cheese in scrambled eggs. Isn't it you who puts their eggs in a blender before cooking them? 

[KMD7]

44 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

Jesus, do they still make that? 

They do! 

[Remmie]

54 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

Kudos for putting grated cheese in scrambled eggs. Isn't it you who puts their eggs in a blender before cooking them? 

Not quite, though maybe pre-electrical whisk many moons ago I may have done that, not sure. I just whisk the living crap out of them to get loads of air in them to be light and fluffy, then cook them on a bain-marie with butter and olive oil. 

 

Can't abide twats squirting ketchup all over their scrambled egg, it completely overpowers all the subtle eggy goodness. I suppose if they are served up some watery shite that's been kept warm it might make it marginally more edible, but for well cooked eggs you can get in the fucking bin.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Remmie said:

Not quite, though maybe pre-electrical whisk many moons ago I may have done that, not sure. I just whisk the living crap out of them to get loads of air in them to be light and fluffy, then cook them on a bain-marie with butter and olive oil. 

 

Can't abide twats squirting ketchup all over their scrambled egg, it completely overpowers all the subtle eggy goodness. I suppose if they are served up some watery shite thats been kept warm it might make it marginally more edible, but for well cooked eggs you can get in the fucking bin.

Not a fan of ketchup on eggs at all. Bacon and sausage yeah. 

[Redder Lurtz]

1 hour ago, Remmie said:

Not quite, though maybe pre-electrical whisk many moons ago I may have done that, not sure. I just whisk the living crap out of them to get loads of air in them to be light and fluffy, then cook them on a bain-marie with butter and olive oil. 

 

Can't abide twats squirting ketchup all over their scrambled egg, it completely overpowers all the subtle eggy goodness. I suppose if they are served up some watery shite that's been kept warm it might make it marginally more edible, but for well cooked eggs you can get in the fucking bin.

Jesus christ.  Ketchup on scrambled eggs should be punishable by death 

[Strontium]

Poached egg is winning the poll. The GF is gentrified these days.

[Tony Moanero]

Black pepper is all you need on scrambled egg.

[Mook]

9 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Black pepper is all you need on scrambled egg.

Tony, what was the name of that 80s programme/film with the kids and the scary guy is walking out the crater? I can't find it on Google & it's doing my head in.

[Mook]

Ignore me, found it. It was from 1971 but I definitely remember seeing it as a kid & being terrified.

 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0380093/

 

 

[General Dryness]

13 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

http://www.foodurchin.com/2014/06/the-travesty-of-cold-toast.html

 

I shouldn't be getting into this. I have lots of other things to do. Other things to write about. Lots of things. I am very busy. Time is money, money is time and all that.

But I just can't let this lie. I discovered something today that is so appalling, I decided that I just had to do something about it. People need to know about this pervading sickness that is threatening to undermine society (or breakfast time at the very least).

So, what's it all about Alfie?

Well, it all started this morning as I mooched around in the kitchen in my underwear, going through the usual rigmarole of getting ready for the day. It's always tough getting going on a Monday, especially if you are trying to shake off the shackles of a mild hangover. I took receivership of a new fridge freezer at the weekend and celebrated by filling the thing with booze and I partied with it until quite late. I was bonding you see.

Anyway, some restorative coffee and toast was in order and I went through my usual process of slapping two slices of Mighty White under the grill; paying close attention with bleary eyes and a slightly aching bent back. It's quite meditative really, stooping and watching bread crisp and brown under the warm glow of a fork-shaped element. Besides, our grill is quite crap, you have to shift the bread around, otherwise you never get an even tan. I then whipped them out, piping hot and slathered some soft butter across with a swish that D'Artagnan would proud of. Using a knife of course, not a sword. I waited a moment or two, watching as the butter melted into the scratched landscape, islands of yellow fat that form cloudy reefs, before slowly sinking away. I then bit into the toast and all was right with the world.

Being the sort of guy who likes to share in his experiences, I then tweeted this -
 

- thinking that a) my opinion on this was totally right and irrefutable and b) that everyone would be in agreement with this fact, thus vainly stroking my ego and making me feel like a hundred million dollars.

However, it seems that not all people agree with this. It seems that some people prefer to wait for their toast to turn COLD before spreading butter across, citing that they prefer the crunchy texture of barren, stiffened bread. Some people even went so far as to say that they like to BURN their toast, leave it to cool and then they like to spread a blanket of butter and then jam (or Marmite) so that the whole topping coagulates into some marbleized, miasmic mess.

These people are clearly freaks and should not be allowed anywhere near a fork-shaped element (however inefficient). Or a toaster for that matter. That some of these people pertain to be some sort of experts in food (some have written books, some have even been on the TV) is even more galling. Since when has it ever been acceptable to let your toast go cold? Would you call a crouton toast? No. Would you return and eat a slice of charred bread, left and forgotten for 12 hours? No. Would you do the same with crumpets? No no no no no.

B&B's across the land have been getting away with it for years but to find out that people are doing this in the comfort of their own homes is disturbing. This suggestion of cold toast is madness and it needs to stop and it needs to stop NOW. 

So don't do it people......just don't.

I can see his point, but he comes across as an absolute bellwhiff. So he can fuck off for having a shit grill and no toaster.

[VladimirIlyich]

On 16/08/2021 at 16:03, YorkshireRed said:

I’ve seen a few votes for this but not a single one for meat paste.

 

The GF has become a save haven for the bourgeoisie.

Pate is vile.