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Kevin D

Working from home excuses

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Been working from home, which is nice, but unfortunately it's made my traditional excuses for missing work obsolete. Typically I would rotate between having a headache(1 day), food poisoning(2-3 days) and having to return to Scotland on a personal matter(4-5 days). They've served me very well over the years, but are not good excuses when working from home.

 

I need a new repertoire and would kindly ask for some good excuses for calling in sick when working from home. Ideally, they would be reusable, prompt no follow up questions and plausible.

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You've fallen into a Dave Usher Golfing Tutelage zone on You Tube and suddenly snapped out of it and realised you've smashed the house up with a 7 iron 

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You’re overthinking things. All those excuses will still be fine if you’re working from home. 
 

If you’ve got kids you never have to scramble around for an excuse again. Just say they’re sick and you have to look after them. 

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The Jehovahs Witnesses' knocked on your door and convinced you that preaching the good lords name and converting heathens is now your calling and if they sack you that's religious intorance.

 

Your defence?

 

They made you stay at home and exposed you to this.

 

You could even get compensation out of it if you really push it as no cunt wants to join a cult and they put you at risk and your fragile ikle mind wasne capable of saying 'No, no fuck the lord. I've got work to do. Go harass another cunt, cunts'

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13 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’ve had six non-existent nans and one grandad croak it in various jobs over the years to get time off. 
 

One time I pretended my ma had been in a car accident and I had to get off. 

Lad I used work with had to get a new passport as his had expired and he was going on holiday. 3 months later we had to prove we were eligible to work in the Uk as some paperwork thing, his passport was 6 year old when he showed it

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26 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

You’re overthinking things. All those excuses will still be fine if you’re working from home. 
 

If you’ve got kids you never have to scramble around for an excuse again. Just say they’re sick and you have to look after them. 

 

I've already tried the headache one, which used to be rock solid, and I received 2 calls and 3 texts throughout the day asking if I was starting to feel better.

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2 minutes ago, Kevin D said:

 

I've already tried the headache one, which used to be rock solid, and I received 2 calls and 3 texts throughout the day asking if I was starting to feel better.

Switch it to migraines. Need to be lie down in a darkened room, switched your phone off because the screen hurts your eyes etc...

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You've hit your head and might have got whiplash or concussion from it. Even go to the hospital for it once and they'll send you home with concussion or whiplash diagnosis and then you can say it's related to that incident where you've banged your head and you're fucked again. 

 

*I have never tried this. I usually say I have the shits - nobody wants to follow up on that. 

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The really obvious and very plausible one is an issue with your Internet line and you can't get through to the cunts as you've been on hold all day

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12 minutes ago, Remmie said:

The really obvious and very plausible one is an issue with your Internet line and you can't get through to the cunts as you've been on hold all day

We’ve had a woman at work who’s village near Wigan has really shit internet.  She’s basically had a year off on full pay. 

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