Quantcast
Things I can't do that seemingly everyone else can - Page 5 - GF - General Forum - The Liverpool Way Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Colonel Kurtz

Things I can't do that seemingly everyone else can

Recommended Posts

23 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Throw. 

 

I've never been able to throw things properly. Always, my arm bends camply before generating almost negative power and the object I'm chucking goes a pathetic distance. Imagine a normal person doing their best to throw like a girl with their bad arm.  That's my best effort. 

 

It's haunted me since childhood. 

Haha what type of kid can't throw, maybe skimming stones is more your game. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I'm surprised the sports teacher didnt suggest the Javelin,Discus or Shot Putt with impressive throwing like that. 'Here you go lad,just pretend its a cricket ball.'

No point the tall fatties dominated those. I guess generally speaking it takes weight to move weight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Haha what type of kid can't throw, maybe skimming stones is more your game. 

I can’t throw either. Mrs Kurtz and our sons are all good cricketers so I’m the family embarrassment. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Preston Red said:

Painting is another. Not DIY painting but artist painting. I'm a whizz with colouring pencils on drawings and an airbrush on models but give me a brush and it looks like a three year old has painted it.

Absolutely this. I can draw fuck all. I even own a t-shirt with this on the front... 

 

horse-20120129-163137.jpg

 

...and honestly, my attempt wouldn't be as good as #4. 

 

I can't use PlayStation controllers. Keyboard-based computer games no problem. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, rb14 said:

 

 

I can't use PlayStation controllers. Keyboard-based computer games no problem. 

My attempts at playing against my kids on the PS4 always end up like this:

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
41 minutes ago, rb14 said:

 

I can't use PlayStation controllers. Keyboard-based computer games no problem. 

I know the order of all the buttons, circle, square etc. I have used the controller for years and everytinr I need to press X, I can press X or square I press square. However, when I have a game where I need to press different buttons in a non specific order, I always press the wrong button. I just cannot remember where they are, even though I know where they are.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rice, I can't boil rice, no matter how hard I try I always fuck it up, feels good getting that out.

 

I'm pretty good in a kitchen, but, for whatever reason, I have a real blind spot for boiling rice.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Early mornings. I went through a stage of having an early night and getting up around 6.00a.m every day to 'sieze the day'. I'd be wiped out by 1 o'clock and need a nap which turned into three hours of proper sleep. Wake me up at 9:00 a.m and I can power through to 3:00 a.m no trouble and wake up fine at 9:00a.m again on the dot the next day.  I love early mornings and the promise being up at the lark brings. But can I fuck do it productively.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

I can’t throw either. Mrs Kurtz and our sons are all good cricketers so I’m the family embarrassment. 

Haha, no good in the outfield then? I used to be able to throw a boss stone with accuracy but now it would dislocate my shoulder or some injury. 

Like when I was just outside my local and two kids where kicking a ball about and it came way, I successfully trapped it with my left  onto the right and passed it back only to fall on my shoulder in bulk, the kids were laughing and just as well nobody was having a smoke outside the pub. Grim. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, cochyn said:

Early mornings. I went through a stage of having an early night and getting up around 6.30a.m every day to 'sieze the day'. I'd be wiped out by 1 o'clock and need a nap which turned into three hours of proper sleep. Wake me up at 9:00 a.m and I can power through to 3:00 a.m no trouble and wake up fine at 9:00a.m again on the dot the next day.  I love early mornings and the promise being up at the lark brings. But can I fuck do it productively.

Exactly the same. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Rice, I can't boil rice, no matter how hard I try I always fuck it up, feels good getting that out.

 

I'm pretty good in a kitchen, but, for whatever reason, I have a real blind spot for boiling rice.

Microwave rice in a bag,three minutes and Robert is your Auntie's husband. Have it every day. Uncle Ben's rice is two minutes in the microwave as well. Happy to help.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Microwave rice in a bag,three minutes and Robert is your Auntie's husband. Have it every day. Uncle Ben's rice is two minutes in the microwave as well. Happy to help.

 

Oh, I can boil rice in a microwave, without fail everytime, but pan, nah, fuck that, always goes wrong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I could never spot an online scammer. My luck changed when I met my bride to be. I say met, just waiting her flight to land from Nigeria  Happy days 

Edited by Stevom54
Spelling
  • Like 1
  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Stevom54 said:

I could never spot an online scammer. My luck changed when I met my bride to be. I say met, just waiting her flight to land from Nigeria  Happy days 

With jokes like that you will go down a storm on here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was shit at DIY until I bought my own house and then learnt that DIY is essentially fucking everything up the first time but realising youre a thick cunt and if you did it this way you'd of been sound, the next time you do it its a much easier task. Also one of the biggest bullshit statements ever is a bad workman blames his tools. Having the right equipment makes all the difference.

  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, rb14 said:

Absolutely this. I can draw fuck all. I even own a t-shirt with this on the front... 

 

horse-20120129-163137.jpg

 

...and honestly, my attempt wouldn't be as good as #4. 

 

I can't use PlayStation controllers. Keyboard-based computer games no problem. 

Hahahaha that T-shirt is awesome!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Microwave rice in a bag,three minutes and Robert is your Auntie's husband. Have it every day. Uncle Ben's rice is two minutes in the microwave as well. Happy to help.

Negged for appalling punctuation. 

59 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Microwave rice in a bag,three minutes and Robert is your Auntie's husband. Have it every day. Uncle Ben's rice is two minutes in the microwave as well. Happy to help.

Sexist AND homophobic. And that other one about gender reassignment. 

59 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Microwave rice in a bag,three minutes and Robert is your Auntie's husband. Have it every day. Uncle Ben's rice is two minutes in the microwave as well. Happy to help.

Racist. 

59 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Microwave rice in a bag,three minutes and Robert is your Auntie's husband. Have it every day. Uncle Ben's rice is two minutes in the microwave as well. Happy to help.

Show off.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have zero artistic ability whatsoever, no design skills, no imagination. 
 

When people explain how something will ‘look when it’s done’ I nod along but in my head have no idea what they mean. 
 

I’m clueless when it comes to music, I know for example on a keyboard it’s high notes to low notes but could never put that into practice and string three together.


I’m useless at anything DIY related, no idea about cars. If anything breaks I throw it out without any attempt to mend.

 

I paid a stack of dosh for Phillips Hue lighting but it looked a chore to set up and complicated so they’re operating as normal bulbs at about 30 quid a shot. Same with Alexa - got three of them in the house as the dream was to have the whole place pretty much voice activated, basically 2 are unused and the one in the kitchen is nothing but the worlds most expensive timer. 

 

 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pressing the shoot button when I want to shoot, or the cross button when I want to cross, in computer games based on a certain unmentionable sport.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
51 minutes ago, Pidge said:

Pressing the shoot button when I want to shoot, or the cross button when I want to cross, in computer games based on a certain unmentionable sport.

Same. Except every button I press results in GBH/ ABH on an opponent's er, partcipant. I'm lucky to finish with 7 of my own participants in this unmentionable you mention. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

I was shit at DIY until I bought my own house and then learnt that DIY is essentially fucking everything up the first time but realising youre a thick cunt and if you did it this way you'd of been sound, the next time you do it its a much easier task. Also one of the biggest bullshit statements ever is a bad workman blames his tools. Having the right equipment makes all the difference.

I hated DIY until I moved into my current house, everything seems to go wrong at some point in this house but I usually end up having to fix it. 

 

I had to build a large double wardrobe in a small box room in the middle of summer, hardest thing I've ever had to do as it was in such a confined space then lift it onto a corner piece. Done in at the end of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×