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Colonel Kurtz

Things I can't do that seemingly everyone else can

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This is a thread about stuff you can't do that everyone else can. It's not abstract shit like sharing your feelings or saying sorry, it's mundane stuff like changing a tyre or drawing a horse. My own is playing darts, just can't do it, can't hit the board to save my life. I have spent a lot of time in pubs so pool, bar billiards, pinball, I'm pretty good at all of these but seem to have a mental block when it comes to throwing pointy sticks at a cork board. There, I have finally said it. 

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5 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

This is a thread about stuff you can't do that everyone else cam. It's not abstract shit like sharing your feelings or saying sorry, it's mundane stuff like changing a tyre or drawing a horse. My own is playing darts, just can't do it, can't hit the board to save my life. I have spent a lot of time in pubs so pool, bar billiards, pinball, I'm pretty good at all of these but seem to have a mental block when it comes to throwing pointy sticks at a cork board. There, I have finally said it. 

Spell can correctly? 

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Not necessarily something that everyone can do but I can't ice skate or ski. I've tried all types. I've had someone try to train me to water-ski who in his own words said in 30 years of water ski'ing and teaching you are the only person I've never been able to get up on the water. Went ski'ing 5 years ago, nah not for me, apres ski though..... Ice skating was a joke, some old lady (and I mean old she was late 70s) had to help me back to the side when I drifted into the middle of the rink. 

 

I think I just over-think it. 

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12 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

This is a thread about stuff you can't do that everyone else cam. It's not abstract shit like sharing your feelings or saying sorry, it's mundane stuff like changing a tyre or drawing a horse. My own is playing darts, just can't do it, can't hit the board to save my life. I have spent a lot of time in pubs so pool, bar billiards, pinball, I'm pretty good at all of these but seem to have a mental block when it comes to throwing pointy sticks at a cork board. There, I have finally said it. 

I’m dreadful at every sport I’ve ever tried bar swimming and ten pin bowling. I haven’t swam or bowled for about twenty-five years so I’d probably be shit at them as well. 

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5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Not necessarily something that everyone can do but I can't ice skate or ski. I've tried all types. I've had someone try to train me to water-ski who in his own words said in 30 years of water ski'ing and teaching you are the only person I've never been able to get up on the water. Went ski'ing 5 years ago, nah not for me, apres ski though..... Ice skating was a joke, some old lady (and I mean old she was late 70s) had to help me back to the side when I drifted into the middle of the rink. 

 

I think I just over-think it. 

I can’t roller skate or skateboard. I got a skateboard for Christmas one year and couldn’t get the hang of it at all. I took to kneeling on it with one leg and propelling myself along the pavement with the other. That was until an older boy came along, wellied me up the arse and called me a fanny.

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13 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Not necessarily something that everyone can do but I can't ice skate or ski. I've tried all types. I've had someone try to train me to water-ski who in his own words said in 30 years of water ski'ing and teaching you are the only person I've never been able to get up on the water. Went ski'ing 5 years ago, nah not for me, apres ski though..... Ice skating was a joke, some old lady (and I mean old she was late 70s) had to help me back to the side when I drifted into the middle of the rink. 

 

I think I just over-think it. 

I skiied for 5 days in Italy and in the end I was doing OK. But it would be a stretch to say I was good at it. The ski lifts were a public menace and the number of ambulances driving to stricken skiers was enough to make it a once in a lifetime experience. 

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Having not ridden a bike since I was a kid, about ten years ago whilst on holiday in Cornwall, my wife wanted us to hire bikes and cycle from Wadebridge to Padstow, along the Camel Trail. We got less than fifty yards from the hire shop, when I realised I couldn’t steer the thing and had to abandon the idea.

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9 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

I can’t roller skate or skateboard. I got a skateboard for Christmas one year and couldn’t get the hang of it at all. I took to kneeling on it with one leg and propelling myself along the pavement with the other. That was until an older boy came along, wellied me up the arse and called me a fanny.

 

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3 minutes ago, Fluter in Dakota said:

I skiied for 5 days in Italy and in the end I was doing OK. But it would be a stretch to say I was good at it. The ski lifts were a public menace and the number of ambulances driving to stricken skiers was enough to make it a once in a lifetime experience. 

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3 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Having not ridden a bike since I was a kid, about ten years ago whilst on holiday in Cornwall, my wife wanted us to hire bikes and cycle from Wadebridge to Padstow, along the Camel Trail. We got less than fifty yards from the hire shop, when I realised I couldn’t steer the thing and had to abandon the idea.

Blimey, you should have got some stabilisers. 

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4 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Having not ridden a bike since I was a kid, about ten years ago whilst on holiday in Cornwall, my wife wanted us to hire bikes and cycle from Wadebridge to Padstow, along the Camel Trail. We got less than fifty yards from the hire shop, when I realised I couldn’t steer the thing and had to abandon the idea.

I was just saying that the other day, our kid said get a bike to lose weight and all that but I reckon I'd kill myself, used to be ace on a bike with cow horns but now I don't think so. 

Loss of grip and coordination, so wouldn't chance it. 

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27 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

 

I’m dreadful at every sport I’ve ever tried

I dream of kicking a football and having it travel the approximate direction and distance I intended.

 

That thing that the professionals do all the time, where someone pings a ball 40 yards and it lands exactly where a teammate is and he just kills it stone dead on his foot - that’s done with CGI. It has to be.

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4 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

I dream of kicking a football and having it travel the approximate direction and distance I intended.

 

That thing that the professionals do all the time, where someone pings a ball 40 yards and it lands exactly where a teammate is and he just kills it stone dead on his foot - that’s done with CGI. It has to be.

I can’t trap a ball. Goodness knows how people do keepy uppies, I cant get the ball off the ground. Always hoped I would find a pair of Dead-Shot Keen’s old boots but never did.

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7 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

I can’t trap a ball. Goodness knows how people do keepy uppies, I cant get the ball off the ground. Always hoped I would find a pair of Dead-Shot Keen’s old boots but never did.

Keepy uppies is another one. I can do about 2 at best. 

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11 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

I can’t trap a ball. Goodness knows how people do keepy uppies, I cant get the ball off the ground. Always hoped I would find a pair of Dead-Shot Keen’s old boots but never did.

When I was young I practiced keepy uppies and got to over 250. No way could I do it now. I once also trapped a football under my foot instantly from pace and the defender in front of me looked at me like I was from another planet. 

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13 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Riding a scooter. Used to have one as a teenager so hired a Vespa in Rome. It was a nightmare. Mrs Kurtz got off and walked back to the hotel. 

I got on my mate's scooter once when I was about 20. I got off it again within a few seconds in a bush in the garden across the road. 

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