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Where are you on the MW scale ?


sir roger
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Was speaking to a cousin at the weekend who reminded me of a long-forgotten invention by my dad's late brother. 

 

Based on the ph scale of acid/alkali and sharing the same numerical system , he espoused that every bloke you know could be rated on entertainment value and how much you enjoyed being in their company by whether they were more Eric Morecambe or Ernie Wise , going from Morecambe 1 to Wise 14. As an example , I once asked him what a new prospective son in law rated, and without looking up from the Echo he said ' Wise 12 and a mingebag to boot '.

 

So

1) Where would you place yourself on the scale ?

2) Who in your life is or was nearest Morecambe 1 and why ?

3) Who in your life is or was nearest Wise 14 and why ?

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1) at my peak as a young guy , I was attractive to ladies , sporty and had a million stories so would have been around Morecambe 3 , but now I am duller than a Covid lockdown and am left desperately hoping I am clinging to Morecambe status at around level 6.

 

2) Long standing members with a good memory might remember me describing the exploits of a friend of my youth who had sex with a one-legged young lady in Widnes and was not put off sealing the deal with a girl in Kensington who had a dead and rapidly decomposing alsatian in her bath. He was the most unreliable person I have ever met and any arranged meeting of a social or sporting nature ran a 50-50 chance of him not turning up , but he was great company and you were never more than 5 minutes away from a belly laugh with him.

 

3) I once worked for a bank manager who was the most boring and vindictive bastard I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. He was posh and bumbled and blustered like Johnson, he tucked a serviette down his shirt collar to eat tea and biscuits at break and after us complaining once about the temperature in the branch insisted that he had lost his ability to sweat during the war and basically told us to fuck off. I would have had to have been on overtime rates to even spend a minute with him that I didn't have to.

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1 hour ago, sir roger said:

1) at my peak as a young guy , I was attractive to ladies , sporty and had a million stories so would have been around Morecambe 3 , but now I am duller than a Covid lockdown and am left desperately hoping I am clinging to Morecambe status at around level 6.

 

2) Long standing members with a good memory might remember me describing the exploits of a friend of my youth who had sex with a one-legged young lady in Widnes and was not put off sealing the deal with a girl in Kensington who had a dead and rapidly decomposing alsatian in her bath. He was the most unreliable person I have ever met and any arranged meeting of a social or sporting nature ran a 50-50 chance of him not turning up , but he was great company and you were never more than 5 minutes away from a belly laugh with him.

 

3) I once worked for a bank manager who was the most boring and vindictive bastard I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. He was posh and bumbled and blustered like Johnson, he tucked a serviette down his shirt collar to eat tea and biscuits at break and after us complaining once about the temperature in the branch insisted that he had lost his ability to sweat during the war and basically told us to fuck off. I would have had to have been on overtime rates to even spend a minute with him that I didn't have to.

Did number three frequent Pizza Express in Woking?

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1) Where would you place yourself on the scale ?

 

Not really sure, 4-6 on a good day, 8-10 on a bad 'un I suppose, I'm pretty milquetoast. Fluoroantimonic acid after 3 pints, Lithium Hydride after 8.

 

2) Who in your life is or was nearest Morecambe 1 and why ?

 

Probably a few of the guys I house shared with at Uni, some definite 2s in there, unfailingly funny and good natured.

 

3) Who in your life is or was nearest Wise 14 and why ?

 

My ex-fiance, miserable, selfish, lazy bitch. And a guy who I had the misfortune to be on placement with (in fucking Swindon as well), who fully earned his nickname of 'atmosphere hoover'. I've never known anyone who could suck the life out of a conversation or night out as quickly as he could.

 

Bit of a shame on Ernie though, he was a brilliant straight man.

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1. Probably like a 10. I'm quite nice and energetic with the people I care about or am interested to get to know, but I'm very cold and distant with pretty much anybody else. I'm one of those people that assholes who should mind their own business will say about me that I look perpetually depressed or should smile more. They're cunts, but they're not actually wrong. 

 

2. I have a friend who is objectively a dick, but has so much charisma he gets away with it with literally everyone. Can get anyone to like him, no matter what.

 

3. There was this guy in uni who came out of nowhere and tried to infiltrate himself into our friend group in such an inorganic way. Just invited himself to trips and nights out and stuff, despite having almost zero in common with anyone. Bizarre. 

 

 

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On 06/01/2021 at 19:04, Rushies tash said:

1) It depends but I'm definitely more Ernie than Eric these days.

 

2) Mrs Tash is the closest I know to 1, as evidenced by her antics on here in the past.

 

3) Some of the people I work with make me look like the love child of Eric Morcombe, John Belushi and Noel Coward.

How is the lovely Mrs Tash enjoying Arsenal’s endeavours?

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fuck knows

 

Unless you know me or you initiate a conversation you'll likely think im a boring prick who doesn't talk.

When you do talk to me, you'll probably think that was 99% correct but know im not a arsehole and i'll help you out if i can. 

 

When i was in hospital the sneaky cunts put me on anti depressants because i didn't talk to anyone unless they spoke to me,and just listening to books and read,watched tv. Always polite etc. Happily my mum or sister noticed on my charts(luckily my sister is a ITU nurse) and went nuts as they had already told them thats who i am and its nothing to worry about. 

 

 

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