LinkedIn

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Has there ever been a bigger collection of pompous bellends in one place?

 

We've flirted with slagging off LinkedIn in many different threads but its high time we had a room to lock it in and give it the fucking shoeing it deserves.

 

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Also the self congratulatory posts. Fucking hell. Absolutely no shame.

 

There was some quote I've long since forgotten, something like "Never sing your own praises, jus work hard and let others do it for you" or something. Wanky quote? Maybe, but the sentiment is spot on. Everyone wants to pat themselves on the back for opening a bag of crisps these days.

 

"Can't believe just 3 years ago I started off on this incredible journey that led me to where I am today. Who would have thought.....". You went to uni. Well done, I mean its definitely an achievement, but trying to make it sound like you're Bilbo Baggins makes you sound more like Dildo Beggins.

[Section_31]

Worst one I ever saw was some twat who'd filmed his kid on a treadmill and said: "my son plays football, when he comes home he trains, no xbox, no Netflix. This is how you become the best."

 

Some other twat underneath was like "awesome, I'm going to show this to my son."

 

The lad is definitely going to end up in prison or selling mushrooms in Thailand.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

Worst one I ever saw was some twat who'd filmed his kid on a treadmill and said: "my son plays football, when he comes home he trains, no xbox, no Netflix. This is how you become the best."

 

Some other twat underneath was like "awesome, I'm going to show this to my son."

 

The lad is definitely going to end up in prison or selling mushrooms in Thailand.

 

Imagine your da showing you videos of some cunt on a treadmill saying "LOOK SON, LOOK AT HIM. WHY CAN'T YOU BE LKE THAT?".

[manwiththestick]

I read all LinkedIn posts in the voice of Bob Mortimer's Train Guy character.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

5 minutes ago, manwiththestick said:

I read all LinkedIn posts in the voice of Bob Mortimer's Train Guy character.

 

Repped for introducing me to that!

 

 

[Rico1304]

When I see ‘I’ve just delivered a major international project under budget and on time!’ I want to write underneath ‘Remember when we went out after work and you lost your laptop in a strip club and you got sucked off in a cubicle?’  

[YorkshireRed]

Shared on the FB thread that I’ve given up most of the social media platforms. I’m a bit over six weeks in and I’m not missing them at all.

 

I have to keep LinkedIn as it can be a source of new business for me but I sometimes think it’s the worst of the lot. Full of pompous, self congratulatory fucktards all pretending that their professional lives are thriving when, the reality is, this will not be the case for many of them.

 

Thirty seconds scrolling on LinkedIn can ruin my day. It’s a necessary evil, but it is evil. 

[Trumo]

Jibbed it off 4 years ago. I hardly ever looked at it anyway, but it was always full of people who change jobs every 18 months because anything else means you're "stuck in a rut", "not moving forward" and "not living your best life".

[Carvalho Diablo]

1 hour ago, Aw Geez said:

Has there ever been a bigger collection of pompous bellends in one place?

 

 

 

RAWK ?

[Bjornebye]

24 minutes ago, Trumo said:

Jibbed it off 4 years ago. I hardly ever looked at it anyway, but it was always full of people who change jobs every 18 months because anything else means you're "stuck in a rut", "not moving forward" and "not living your best life".

I can't stand that phrase. It doesn't even work. I'd seen it creeping in but I saw an instagram video of a girl I used to see years ago on holiday somewhere shit like Zante with the caption "living my best life" no you cunt you've got on a plane to go and spend time with the same sort of twats you hang round with at home but just in a warmer climate. Broaden your fucking horizons. 

[sir roger]

2 hours ago, Aw Geez said:

Also the self congratulatory posts. Fucking hell. Absolutely no shame.

 

There was some quote I've long since forgotten, something like "Never sing your own praises, jus work hard and let others do it for you" or something. Wanky quote? Maybe, but the sentiment is spot on. Everyone wants to pat themselves on the back for opening a bag of crisps these days.

 

"Can't believe just 3 years ago I started off on this incredible journey that led me to where I am today. Who would have thought.....". You went to uni. Well done, I mean its definitely an achievement, but trying to make it sound like you're Bilbo Baggins makes you sound more like Dildo Beggins.

Self praise is no recommendation. I find it quite embarrassing and uncomfortable when people are droning on about how great they are or how much money they have , used to be more an American trait.

[Elite]

35 minutes ago, sir roger said:

Self praise is no recommendation. I find it quite embarrassing and uncomfortable when people are droning on about how great they are or how much money they have , used to be more an American trait.

Unless you are a prize fighter, bigging yourself up makes you look like a twat.

[Karl_b]

LinkedIn is, and this is a bona-fide nailed on RiS Tuesday based FACT, fucking shite. 

[SasaS]

It used to be the main tool for recruiters. So people treated it as a collection of CVs.

[Section_31]

Just now, SasaS said:

It used to be the main tool for recruiters. So people treated it as a collection of CVs.

That's how it should be used, and to prove you're not a Billy bullshitter. If you say you worked for Tesla or something on your CV and they can't find any trace of you online saying the same thing it looks suss IMO.

 

It's supposed to have "evolved" since then though, into a way to network "collaboratively", whatever that means. Presumably it's a way for the platform to increase engagement because engagement equals money.

 

Thing is, unlike other social media nobody on there is your friend, so that model doesn't work the same and just results in people feeling they have to share stuff, virtually always shite.

[ZonkoVille77]

"We've come across your profile and we believe you too be a fantastic fit for a recently opened <insert mega fucking boring cuntfest>. Free Tea and Coffee available"

 

Yea, suck my unshaven balls. 

[Elite]

I imagine Chris Finch uses it for dating.

 

"Got a date with some slag off LinkedIn next week, apparently she's a visionary. Bet she won't see my 12 incher coming"

[Section_31]

It's amazing what counts as visionary in linkedin world too, you'd think they invented the Spitfire or the clothes peg.

 

"Seize the day!" Yeah thanks for that dickhead. 

[manwiththestick]

Surely you mean Carpe Diem muchacho?

[stringvest]

Capachoochoos ahoy

 

Never off it, me.

[littletedwest]

2 hours ago, ZonkoVille77 said:

"We've come across your profile and we believe you too be a fantastic fit for a recently opened <insert mega fucking boring cuntfest>. Free Tea and Coffee available"

 

Yea, suck my unshaven balls. 

Yeah I got someone asking me be a nurse in Nottingham a few months ago. I'm a fat mobile phone salesman from near wigan so not sure were they got that idea from 

[Section_31]

Oh great, a Linkedin connection request. 

 

 

 

"I come bearing glad tidings and fortune! Opportunities abound! I note that you peddle  (insert business here) and wanted to see how we could work together for our mutual benefit. My initial thought is that you should give me some money." 

[General Dryness]

On 16/12/2020 at 07:22, stringvest said:

Capachoochoos ahoy

 

Never off it, me.

 

[tokyojoe]

Just had an email offering to prepare a 'professional' Linkedin profile for me. Only wanted 250 quid.

 

 

Erm, yeah, right.