Jobs you'd have loved if you were smart enough

[General Dryness]

Session musician. I'm a decent bass player but my theory sucks, and you have to be right on top of that to get the work, sight reading and stuff. Just couldn't knuckle down to it.

[cochyn]

1 hour ago, General Dryness said:

Session musician. I'm a decent bass player but my theory sucks, and you have to be right on top of that to get the work, sight reading and stuff. Just couldn't knuckle down to it.

Its insane watching them play. You can literally put any sheet music in front of them and they'll smash out a definitive version in the way you or I would read a kids ladybird book. 

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

Maybe you aren’t as smart as you think you are. I’ve worked with literally hundreds of people over the years who’ve started out digging holes in roads or fitting meters and ended up in senior management earning 6 figures (and more) salaries.  

I have never said I was smart. My comment was simply in reply to the idea that hard work very rarely,on its own,leads to success. There must be quite a few nurses and even care workers who are really swinging the lead if they're not rolling in it!

[Scooby Dudek]

Particle physicist. I was very good at maths in school but hated physics so much I didn't take it at o level. Ended up becoming a qualified engineer, but not a fan of engineering, really wish I had studied physics when younger.

[A Red]

 

3 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Silly me! If only I'd have worked harder,me and the 50 million other Britons who live from payslip to payslip every month.

I would suggest that where you are financially is mainly down to the effort you have put in to get there. I'm not saying you could have worked harder. If you have had little ambition to move on and were happy to stay in a comfort zone you cannot blame anyone else other than yourself. I dont.

[A Red]

3 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Hard work is only relevant if you have the luck/connections to begin with.

Nope. If you and me have the same beginnings yet you want to move on more than me and have ambition and work harder, you will usually end up better off in life than me.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Working hard is key but it has to be relevant. Identify how you want to progress and seek out courses/training/upskilling etc and then looking for opportunities. If you're labouring for a brickie (nothing wrong with it) and bust your balls day in day out you aren't going to be site lead because of it. The work needs to be towards a path with progression.

 

I'd guess a lot of people are just tired after their 40 hours a week and don't want to do the lateral work.

[easytoslip]

I always wanted to be a Game Show host, or someone who makes designs for supermarket carrier bags.

Ian Ayre was a few years down in our scabby school, the Cenny, like him or not he's done OK. 

[lifetime fan]

I’ve always loved my job but hated the cunts I’ve worked for. 
 

If I had my time again I’d have trained as a farrier. Self employed, going to work every day with the dog in the van with you and fucking loads of dirty horsey slags. 
 

It’s surprisingly good money too. 
 

One guy Carly knew ended up farrier to the GB Olympic equestrian team, with that and his private work he was making over half a million a year.  

[Rico1304]

27 minutes ago, A Red said:

 

I would suggest that where you are financially is mainly down to the effort you have put in to get there. I'm not saying you could have worked harder. If you have had little ambition to move on and were happy to stay in a comfort zone you cannot blame anyone else other than yourself. I dont.

Exactly. Every time I got a new job someone would ask ‘How’ve you got that?’  Well, it starts with looking at the jobs page, applying for it and then being interviewed. Staying in the same office and wanking on about other people getting on isn’t helping you.  Granted some people may get a job offered through the old boys network but 99% of them are advertised and follow a process. 

[Rico1304]

1 hour ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I have never said I was smart. My comment was simply in reply to the idea that hard work very rarely,on its own,leads to success. There must be quite a few nurses and even care workers who are really swinging the lead if they're not rolling in it!

If you work hard and are smart you’ll get on. Unless you don’t want to.   The idea that a job traps you and you can’t leave is weird. 

[Elite]

20 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

I’ve always loved my job but hated the cunts I’ve worked for. 
 

If I had my time again I’d have trained as a farrier. Self employed, going to work every day with the dog in the van with you and fucking loads of dirty horsey slags. 
 

It’s surprisingly good money too. 
 

One guy Carly knew ended up farrier to the GB Olympic equestrian team, with that and his private work he was making over half a million a year.  

What do you call a bird that shoes horses?

 

A Farrier pigeon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Gets coat*

 

 

[A Red]

58 minutes ago, Aw Geez said:

Working hard is key but it has to be relevant. Identify how you want to progress and seek out courses/training/upskilling etc and then looking for opportunities. If you're labouring for a brickie (nothing wrong with it) and bust your balls day in day out you aren't going to be site lead because of it. The work needs to be towards a path with progression.

 

I'd guess a lot of people are just tired after their 40 hours a week and don't want to do the lateral work.

The lad who labours for a brickie, then decides he wants to qualify to be one, then be self employed, then teams up with some other trades and starts a building company.....will quite possibly end up better off than just picking up a wage each week as a labourer.

 

The hard work isnt just carrying more bricks than other labourers, you're right, it's the thought and effort put in away from the site when the work is done 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

11 minutes ago, A Red said:

The lad who labours for a brickie, then decides he wants to qualify to be one, then be self employed, then teams up with some other trades and starts a building company.....will quite possibly end up better off than just picking up a wage each week as a labourer.

 

The hard work isnt just carrying more bricks than other labourers, you're right, it's the thought and effort put in away from the site when the work is done 

 

Exactly, hard work, aspiration, and a bit of intelligence to figure out the details and take advantage of opportunities.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

An Archie Text. Got an O’Level in TD but the qualifications and time required seemed a bit drawn out. 

[lifetime fan]

Hard work will always help buts it’s probably only 50/50 as knowing the right people. 
 

My brother left school with 3 GCSE’s, trained as a brickie and then gave that up as although he loved it in the summer he hated it in winter and is even more of a lazy cunt than I am.

Some of his drinking mates got him a job repairing pallets and he then got friendly with the plant boss who is a red. They’re both massive pissheads and have always looked out for each other since. They’ve both now had over half a dozen promotions, earn a lot of money, lovely company cars and benefits. 
 

There was one infamous incident when one of them, still over the influence of alcohol and narcotics from earlier that morning crashed a forklift truck causing tens of thousands of pounds of damage and they covered for each other and the cctv footage ‘was lost’. 
 

They’re both doing fucking well out of it. 

[Bjornebye]

Lie on your CV. 

 

"Says here you were a Port Shipping Director? What Port was that?"

 

"Wolverhampton" 

 

 

[lifetime fan]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

Lie on your CV. 

 

"Says here you were a Port Shipping Director? What Port was that?"

 

"Wolverhampton" 

 

 

How many jobs ask to see proof of your degree once you’ve had your first job after uni? 
 

Nearly everyone I know ups their degree by at least one level on their CV. 
 

Interviews are just an organised lieathon back and forth anyway. 

[lifetime fan]

For obvious reasons there was quite a few years I ‘massaged’ the dates of employment on my CV to avoid naming a hospital I had worked at. 

[3 Stacks]

Hard work has less to do with success than luck, knowing the right people and being irrationally confident. Especially the last one. If you can sell yourself well, you're basically golden. My problem is that I don't think anything I've done is impressive enough to shout to the rooftops about. But that's what you need to do in interviews.

[Harry Squatter]

Owning my own building firm where I could do plastering, joinery, plumbing and landscape gardening. Would be great to buy a wreck of a property and turn it into something amazing without needing anyone else's help. 

 

Every builder I know who has their own company is loaded. 

[Bobby Hundreds]

I've the exact same mindset as Jeff Bezos and the like but my drive is aimed towards getting away with doing as little as possible often to the point it takes me more effort in the avoidance than it would the action, such is my drive. At achieving fuck all I've hit all my goals but I'm going to keep striving to rest on my laurels.

[lifetime fan]

1 minute ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

I've the exact same mindset as Jeff Bezos and the like but my drive is aimed towards getting away with doing as little as possible often to the point it takes me more effort in the avoidance than it would the action, such is my drive. At achieving fuck all I've hit all my goals but I'm going to keep striving to rest on my laurels.

Having a certain job where you can do that is fucking ace. 

From autumn 2004 I had a job where I was covering two different sites. I’d call both about 10ish still led in my bed scratching my balls to say I had to visit both sites that day, I’d be there when I could but in case of emergency just call me and I’d be there in 30 minutes. 
 

I’d then go have a cup of tea at both sites and stay for dinner with the one that had the best food on offer that day. 
 

I’d then say I’m at the other site for the rest of the afternoon but just give me a call anytime!
 

Then go home, have a wank, watch SSN and open a beer at 4 o’clock. 
 

That summer of 2005...the unmentionable, the ashes series, the amount I posted on here...I reckon I must have been working a maximum of a day a week. 
 

After 18 months I got a promotion as both sites told management they loved the fact I’d always answer my phone and emails. 

I went from working flexitime Monday to Thursday to 7 days a week, shift work including nights and bank holidays for £3k extra a year. 
 

Stupid, stupid cunt! 

 

[Dougie Do'ins]

10 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

I know a few multi millionaires through my job (in the city) and one thing that defines them all is relentless obsession about work. The richest guy I know works 7 days a week, no family and no other interests. He could have retired years ago but still works 14 hour days whereas most of us would be on the beach. 

 

Seriously, what sort of existence is that ? 

 

I'm wondering if this desire to work those sort of hours would still be there if he wasn't earning the kind of money that's got him to be a multi millionaire. 

 

I know a couple of lads who work on the rigs. Each time they're sat together, it's like a competition between them at who's earning the most money. 

 

[lifetime fan]

4 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Seriously, what sort of existence is that ? 

 

I'm wondering if this desire to work those sort of hours would still be there if he wasn't earning the kind of money that's got him to be a multi millionaire. 

 

I know a couple of lads who work on the rigs. Each time they're sat together, it's like a competition between them at who's earning the most money. 

 

The rigs is great money, I’ve known about a dozen lads who have worked on them over the years. 
 

Every single one of them has been divorced, convicted of drunk driving and got fucked over financially on the divorce whilst it was commonly accepted the wives were all fucking around behind their backs. 
 

A mate was telling me there’s actually an online group for wives of rig workers who share tales of how to catch, marry and fuck over a rig worker.