Christmas 2020

[Chip Butty]

[tokyojoe]

Her Indoors is 'tidying up' as her Mum is coming tomorrow. I made the mortal sin of coming back from the shop and put my feet on the kitchen floor after she'd cleaned it. There would have been less of a commotion if I'd have put a pick axe through the window.

 

Another crisis later erupts. She can't find two Christmas stockings to put prezzies in for me and her Mum. So fucking what, I'm 64 and her Mum is 92, we're not exactly kids. The hunt is still going on as I can hear various crashes, bangs and wallops as she demolishes the house trying to find them. Whether they will be found before tonight and the ensuing Royal visit tomorrow remains to be seen.

 

On the plus side no sight or sound of bint. The benefitsmobile is parked across the road and is staying put so she can sit and stew over HI's sister's place (her Mums). Seems no one is speaking to anyone there anyway (due to bint) so no doubt that will be a rip roaring occasion.

 

Here will be just dull and boring unless Her Indoors demolishes the house and I have to pitch a tent. No booze for me anyway. I was getting some deliivered through the lockdown and so on until Bob the builder turned up in September and put all his tools in the garage where the booze was being parked. So I thought 'fuck it' and that continued through Go Sober For October (Macmillan Nuses) and through till now. Only raised £95 but didn't really publicise it. Next year I'll collar you lot.

 

Anyway while I enter full miserable cunt mode you lot have a great time and try not to get too fucking pissed.

 

Cheers all. Any updates will be published.

[Harry's Lad]

Dotty would like to wish you all the best Christmas you can possibly have.

 

[tokyojoe]

Hoovers going full blast now in preparation for tomorrows shitfest. That'll run out of charge soon so that'll be another meltdown.

 

She's on the phone to her Mum now, still banging on about the fucking missing stockings.

Edited December 24, 2020 by tokyojoe
Update

[Davelfc]

[Rico1304]

Beat this!
 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

43 minutes ago, T T O said:

Send John McClaine in.

[Tony Moanero]

 

[Anubis]

On 21/12/2020 at 21:53, tokyojoe said:

It’s looming big now. Bint stayed at Cockney Wanker’s during the lockdown ending 2nd December  but (as I predicted anyway) has miraculously returned to her parents. She is no doubt awaiting her usual free meal as she is incapable of coping for herself. Utterly fucking useless at everything, bone idle, never had a proper job, zero personality, nearly 50 and still living at her parents but always seems to be granted her every wish.

 

Her Indoors has rather foolishly agreed to be hostess for this years shitfest and understandably will not entertain bint as she has been in a different bubble or whatever the fuck that is. However while the distribution of bint and everyone else for that matter is now degenerating into the usual crossfire the latest developments now indicate that it will just be me and Her Indoors here. Think her Mum can come though (92 and is dependent).

 

Anyway bint must be wishing she'd stayed at chez wankers as her mum (H.I.'s sister) isn't talking to bint and won't cook for her. This must be somewhat distressing for bint as a boiled egg and / or a slice of toast is beyond her pond life level of intellect.

 

Anyway Her Indoors announces this evening that her and her sister are off to the local Marks & Sparks in the morning for when it opens.

 

At 6 o' fucking clock.

 

Yours truly has calculated that allowing for making madams morning cuppa and sorting the moggies out I will have to rise at four fucking thirty.

 

 

 

Fucking hate Christmas me.

 

Just need to know that Bint supports Spurs for a full-house.

 

Ah, the spirit of Christmas. Peace on earth and goodwill to all men. And Bints.

[PestiRed]

That beautiful part of the morning when the wife has gone to the bathroom, the daughter is playing with grandma and her new toys in the room, the cooking prep has been done and there’s nothing now to do except have a quiet coffee and read the internet 

[KMD7]

 

[YorkshireRed]

11 hours ago, tokyojoe said:

Here will be just dull and boring unless Her Indoors demolishes the house and I have to pitch a tent.

Whatever turns you on!

[tokyojoe]

5 hours ago, Anubis said:

 

Just need to know that Bint supports Spurs for a full-house.

 

Ah, the spirit of Christmas. Peace on earth and goodwill to all men. And Bints.

Her son supports Spurs, her mum Arsenal. So no fucking idea really. She was hopng her son would make it as a pro player (he is a good lad) but that would just have given her someone else to ponce money off.

[tokyojoe]

Just been bollocked for merely putting my jeans in the wrong place, must have disturbed a couple of microbes awaiting the Royal visit.

 

I'm going for a walk.

 

 

 

Fuck Christmas.

[Grinch]

It's begun.  The missus has a big head on her cause she can't drink this year.  Well I'm m not pregnant. 

[Creator Supreme]

48 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

Just been bollocked for merely putting my jeans in the wrong place, must have disturbed a couple of microbes awaiting the Royal visit.

 

I'm going for a walk.

 

 

 

Fuck Christmas.

Seconded! Motion carried!

[Chocoholic]

 

[Vincent Vega]

Tokyojoe’s house. 

[Scott_M]

WHAT A FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS 

 

[Elite]

1 hour ago, Scott_M said:

WHAT A FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS 

 

Worse than the queen's speech that.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Scott_M said:

WHAT A FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS 

 

Jesus is not pleased. 

[tokyojoe]

Bint, her Mum & Dad and son have turned up. The're having to stay out in the back garden, it's fucking freezing.

 

.....................titters to himself.

 

A picture of chez wanker's is bcoming available, apparantly looks fucking ridiculous with al lthe decs on it. Tasteless is the words I've heard used. If I get it I'll put it on here.

 

 

 

 

Everyone pissed yet?

[Rushies tash]

Once again, Mrs Tash did an amazing job with the dinner and is currently having a well deserved nap. Cue another drink for me I think.

[Scott_M]

2 hours ago, Fluter in Dakota said:

Jesus is not pleased. 

2 hours ago, Elite said:

Worse than the queen's speech that.

BANTZ.

[Paulie Dangerously]

First time doing Christmas for me today. Smashed it. Any haters will be negged.