Local Weirdos

[sir roger]

You live on Summerisle don't you ?

[sir roger]

Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

Ha ha. Yes he’s saying reports of anti snail prejudice are massively over exaggerated by his opponents on neighbouring plots. 

ha ha will be back to rep

[Edward.]

An old bloke around here wearing a flat cap and an old filthy mac, used to direct traffic and stand in the middle of the road, when people pulled up he would give them the v's and tell them to fuck off. Mad Capper he was called. An old woman Liverpool near my Nanas house used to come out with a whip if you closed the car door too loudly and give you loads of abuse. 

 

Basically all of my clients at work are pretty weird.

[Tony Moanero]

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

17 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Bloke on my allotments lines up in a row all the snails he finds on his plot then shouts obscenities at them before stamping on them. His plot is full of overgrown fruit trees, old washing machines and bricks. We call him crazy snail man. 

Probably just coming out of his shell.

[Bjornebye]

18 minutes ago, Edward. said:

An old bloke around here wearing a flat cap and an old filthy mac, used to direct traffic and stand in the middle of the road, when people pulled up he would give them the v's and tell them to fuck off. Mad Capper he was called. An old woman Liverpool near my Nanas house used to come out with a whip if you closed the car door too loudly and give you loads of abuse. 

 

Basically all of my clients at work are pretty weird.

He wasn't the fella on Liverpool Rd by the Bluebell in Huyton who used to run out and just tell traffic to fuck off was he?  He did it for years in the mid 90's. I can barely remember a time he wasn't there. Cars would slow down to tell him to fuck off back for a laugh and he'd start punching thin air offering straighteners to everyone. 

[Bjornebye]

21 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

I hope you never had a wank over it Tony because you're maa had just stuck a mirror on the back of the gate. 

[Edward.]

5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

He wasn't the fella on Liverpool Rd by the Bluebell in Huyton who used to run out and just tell traffic to fuck off was he?  He did it for years in the mid 90's. I can barely remember a time he wasn't there. Cars would slow down to tell him to fuck off back for a laugh and he'd start punching thin air offering straighteners to everyone. 

No this bloke is in Northumberland, we used to follow him around whispering, he used to turn around and call us Russian spies. Actually thinking about where we live now is right next his favourite haunt, right on a crossroads junction where people have to stop or slow down. He also lived next door to a mate, he would sit half in the house and half out and just swing the door backwards and forwards making weir noises. Funny at the time now that I am a mature adult not so much.

[Tony Moanero]

16 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I hope you never had a wank over it Tony because you're maa had just stuck a mirror on the back of the gate. 

Nah. I used to be a professional wanker but I’m semi-retired now.

[Section_31]

46 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

Our neighbour (who looks like Barron Greenback) often tells me about a neighbour on the other side who used to sunbathe naked. 

 

"She was very attractive." 

 

Yeah you  told me last week.

 

"Very very attractive." 

[ZonkoVille77]

An odd bloke with an awful stammer lived around from my mums when we were growing up. He was a gardener of sorts, doing odd jobs for people here and there. Even when nobody requested it he'd arrive in a garden with a shovel and wheelbarrow and start lashing onto work and sometimes not leaving for hours during which time people would feel they'd need to offer him a brew or to feed him. Nobody ever really knew his name though because his stammer was so bad that all you'd get from him was something sounding like 'ick, so he got to be known as "Mick-Or-Rick" by everyone which I still think is ace. 

 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

9 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Nah. I used to be a professional wanker but I’m semi-retired now.

Was it getting hard on you mate.

[s(k)aturation]

2 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Was it getting hard on you mate.

 

Are you here all week?

 

 

[KMD7]

2 hours ago, cloggypop said:

Haven't noticed him. That in Amsterdam? Have to be a special sort of loon to stand out there. 

First thing I saw when I landed in Amsterdam 20 years ago for a weekend was a transvestite about 6'4, stick thin wearing a pink see through raincoat and just a bikini walking their dog down the street in the pissing rain at 2pm in the day. No one batted an eyelid. 

[Harry's Lad]

There used to be an old fella who was known as Boyo who used to get up on dance floor, put his right arm behind his back while raising his left arm as if holding someone and waltz around the whole room, really 'into' it.

Half the time there wasn't any music.

Someone would shout "Alright Boyo", his reply was always "The Boy's alright".

Pisshead, but more than a little eccentric.

[Pidge]

1 hour ago, skaro said:

 

There was a bloke in Acton Hight St when I lived in London in the autumn of 1989....

He was part of the Carlsberg Special Brew street set.

We Australians living above the Captain Cook Hotel were very fond of him.

Atop the hill near the Safeway Supermarket - like clockwork, and yet seemingly randomly from out of the throng - he would suddenly launch at you.  Full tilt.... Ever so wobbly and morningly drunken, slightly built, yet intimidating... a 25-yard run up, apparently intent on disturbing your furniture, middle stump.

Then just as you thought him and his stinking check suit were going to envelop you, scone you... he'd veer away - piss elegantly, almost gracefully - at the last second.

 

And you'd be free, unmolested, to go and buy your mad-cow-riddled rump steak, Heinz Baked Beans, potato gems and pint can of Coke.

 

We used to call him "Dennis Lillee".

 

 

 

Acton a hotspot for the Aussies then? Used to go to a (bit grim) bar there called the redback, name might more sense now.

[s(k)aturation]

2 minutes ago, Pidge said:

Acton a hotspot for the Aussies then? Used to go to a (bit grim) bar there called the redback, name might more sense now.

 

Was probably the name-change from the Captain Cook.

Right next to a rail bridge?

 

 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

21 minutes ago, skaro said:

 

Are you here all week?

 

 

If I can pull it off!

[Harry Squatter]

There's a lad over the road from me who looks like a fat Dean Gaffney but never speaks. When you let on to him he just moves his head slightly and looks at you like one of those creatures out of the beast master who have no mouths. 

 

Walks everywhere and always seems to end up in random peoples houses. When I've walked back from the station I've seen him coming out of about 10 different houses but never speaking to any of the people there. 

 

His sister is a big fat mess who is always on the phone giving people grief but he just walks slowly behind her in shorts even if it is the middle of winter. Both are in their late twenties and have never worked.

[dockers_strike]

Think one of my neighbours thinks Im the local weirdo because I stopped their incompetent daughter driving over my garden then telling them if they want to cut down a big fuck off tree in their garden, you do it from the top not the bottom and just let it fall into the street!

[easytoslip]

Is Leccy Legs still about? Outside The Blob.

[Section_31]

My uncle lives in a very small close in Widnes, there's no standout oddball but collectively they're pretty odd. For instance, every time someone buys some new electrical goods they put the box outside the front door so people can see what they've got. But if they find out he's bought something and not told them, or not put the box out, they get arsey with him. 

[Captain Howdy]

Tony beep beep, is he still doing his stuff? Been mentioned on here before but those of a certain age may remember “cherry blossom” from Wavertree High Street, used to cover his baldy head in thick layers of black shoe polish, he’s dead now I believe. His shoes were filthy

[Harry Squatter]

 I remember when I lived in Crosby there was some scruffy cunt with long grey hair called Tanner. Tom Ross might have seen him at some point as Tanner was a celebrity round Crosby. 

 

Basically Tanner was a bus driver but loved drinking, he crashed a bus once into the building at the bottom of South Road, luckily when no one was on board. He got the sack and continued on his downward spiral of drinking. 

 

He would wander round Crosby absolutely smashed off a bottle or two of whisky and no one had ever seen him sober. He looked like a cross between Uncle Peter from Vic Reeves and Jimmy Saville and wore the same Tartan bomber jacket for years plus he stuck of piss. 

 

Tanner loved fighting but the bad news for him was that he wasn't very good at it and would get filled in regularly. He would take on anyone from school kids to sted heads. 

 

I was on the bus in South Road once when he got on and started pointing at people, he decided to point at some fella in overalls and start calling him a cunt, this fella knocked him out and picked him up to throw him onto the back seat. The driver then had to get him off the bus. As soon as Tanner was off the bus he spewed up everywhere at the bus stop which was crowded and everyone dispersed. 

 

I am surprised he didn't have a go at me as I had blasted a footy at his head when he was bladdered in Coronation Park a few years earlier.

 

About two years after the bus incident i was in Mcdonalds in Moor Lane post pub with a load of people and in walks Tanner shitfaced. He did his usual pointing and swearing at people in the queue but everyone just laughed at him. He then went over to 5 grocks sitting down and smacked a drink out of one of their hands and it went all over his white t shirt. Next thing I heard was a loud scream as all 5 were laying into him. The McDonalds manager had to come out and do his Mills Lane impression saying he had enough. Tanner walked out with a broken nose and a badly cut face. 

 

I think he died in the mid nineties, not sure whether someone battered him or his liver packed in. 

[cloggypop]

Cherry Blossom is now Donald Trump’s personal lawyer.