Local Weirdos

[Elite]

Johnny Welly is St. Helens finest. He's as mad as a box of frogs and verbally abused me countless times for nothing but he's great. Real character.

 

 

[Geoff Woade]

There’s (or was) a fairly young ginger lad in Warrington who dresses in full military uniforms and marches round the place. 
Quite dashing to be fair although the Scots Guard outfit complete with kilt did cause a few double takes.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

7 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

She will be adding to the thread later, talking about the local weirdo who used to watch her gardening, in his Ethel Austin shorts, eating Monster Munch.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

7 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

7 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

Or Salt and Vinegar Discos.

[Dougie Do'ins]

11 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

Last time I saw her was in March. She screeched out that she was going to die and no one helps her or cares about her when they wont give her any money. Usually hangs round the doorway in Sainsbury's or William Hill. 

 

I told her to fuck off last year when she started following me into the train station because I had no ciggies to give her after she had been saying she was on the verge of death 10 seconds before. 

 

She shouted out "You're eeevvvvilllll" to some fella when he kept telling her that he carries no cash and that smackheads days of begging for cash are numbered with the onset of a cashless society. 

She made a brief appearance when the first lockdown was lifted and eat out to help out was in full flow.

 

Help me! Please!

 

She must be furloughed again.

[Rushies tash]

1 hour ago, skaro said:

 

Was walking down the Acton Hight St one night and I passed a phone box with the phone ringing.

I'd had a couple of pints so I thought, I'll answer it.

Was a Polish hooker, propositioning.

 

Did you?

[Bjornebye]

15 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

She made a brief appearance when the first lockdown was lifted and eat out to help out was in full flow.

 

 

She must be furloughed again.

Hahahaha

5 minutes ago, Rushies tash said:

Did you?

My thoughts exactly. 

 

 

 

Can't believe nobodies mentioned the long haired Irish romantic walking round Widnes like a prick with his tail between his legs 

[Tony Moanero]

36 minutes ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

She will be adding to the thread later, talking about the local weirdo who used to watch her gardening, in his Ethel Austin shorts, eating Monster Munch.

 

[Curly]

8 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

I used to live opposite an attractive middle-aged woman who did the gardening dressed up to the nines - high heels, everything. 

 

[Tj hooker]

Remember hearing about a guy from the local area who was a bit eccentric never actually saw him though , He was drinking in a local with a few out of towners who were getting the last bus home but old Crad the Garth offered them a lift in his " car " .

The trouble being he didn't have a car or even drive so at the end of the night he says to the fellas I'll meet you outside with the car so they get outside and old Crad is literally standing there with an imaginary Sterring wheel and shouting brmmm brmmm jump in lads , he ended the night in A & E after getting filled in 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Tj hooker said:

Remember hearing about a guy from the local area who was a bit eccentric never actually saw him though , He was drinking in a local with a few out of towners who were getting the last bus home but old Crad the Garth offered them a lift in his " car " .

The trouble being he didn't have a car or even drive so at the end of the night he says to the fellas I'll meet you outside with the car so they get outside and old Crad is literally standing there with an imaginary Sterring wheel and shouting brmmm brmmm jump in lads , he ended the night in A & E after getting filled in 

Im glad you lived to tell the tale ... 

[Tj hooker]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

Im glad you lived to tell the tale ... 

Hahahaha Twat 

[Captain Turdseye]

Used to be a (presumably) schizophrenic fella in Runcorn called Jesus John. He was always muttering to himself and if you ever tried talking to him he’d try and convert you to Christianity or just talk jibberish. If you ever shouted “Jesus John” or “Fuck Jesus” at him he’d give you a chase. A fella I know got caught by him and had his head kicked in when he was a teenager, which would have been about 15 years before us. Despite the apparent danger we used to knock at his door trick or treating every night for a week leading up to Halloween because he dished out £5 and £10 notes like other people hand out lollipops. I remember one year I knocked three times after twice using the first tenner to buy a different £1 plastic mask from the corner shop. It’s pretty shitty thinking back but as a kid it didn’t really cross my mind. 
 

There was also a fella we named ‘Legger Man’ because if you played knock and run at his he’d come out and run after you every time without fail. Occasionally we’d spot him half an hour later on a pushbike looking for us and we’d all have to scarper again. 
 

Turdsette goes to a little village school and we have to drive down some country roads to get there. They’re quite narrow and there’s no footpaths so any pedestrians tend to step onto the grass verge as you pass. There’s this old girl who goes for a walk at the same time every afternoon and for a couple of years I was letting on to her and she’d give me a beaming smile and a wave back. Kind of heartwarming in a way. I just thought she was a really nice granny but she walked past my car outside the school a couple of months back making mad noises and cackling like a witch. Turns out she’s a fruit cake. I still let on every day but I move over just a little bit more in case she has a moment. 

[manwiththestick]

8 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Used to be a (presumably) schizophrenic fella in Runcorn called Jesus John. He was always muttering to himself and if you ever tried talking to him he’d try and convert you to Christianity or just talk jibberish. If you ever shouted “Jesus John” or “Fuck Jesus” at him he’d give you a chase. A fella I know got caught by him and had his head kicked in when he was a teenager, which would have been about 15 years before us. Despite the apparent danger we used to knock at his door trick or treating every night for a week leading up to Halloween because he dished out £5 and £10 notes like other people hand out lollipops. I remember one year I knocked three times after twice using the first tenner to buy a different £1 plastic mask from the corner shop. It’s pretty shitty thinking back but as a kid it didn’t really cross my mind. 
 

There was also a fella we named ‘Legger Man’ because if you played knock and run at his he’d come out and run after you every time without fail. Occasionally we’d spot him half an hour later on a pushbike looking for us and we’d all have to scarper again. 
 

Turdsette goes to a little village school and we have to drive down some country roads to get there. They’re quite narrow and there’s no footpaths so any pedestrians tend to step onto the grass verge as you pass. There’s this old girl who goes for a walk at the same time every afternoon and for a couple of years I was letting on to her and she’d give me a beaming smile and a wave back. Kind of heartwarming in a way. I just thought she was a really nice granny but she walked past my car outside the school a couple of months back making mad noises and cackling like a witch. Turns out she’s a fruit cake. I still let on every day but I move over just a little bit more in case she has a moment. 

Haha, we had a legger man but we called him Action Man as he looked like an ex military fella and he'd chase fuck out of us if we did knock and run or hedge hopping on his house. I was a fast runner in my youth and I'd like to think he played a part.

[Trumo]

22 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

...he’d try and convert you to Christianity or just talk jibberish...

 

I fail to see the difference.

[Bjornebye]

7 minutes ago, Trumo said:

 

I fail to see the difference.

Racist 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

2 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Anyone heard the town crier lately ? The woman usually walking round town begging for money by wailing her woes. Used to hear her on Old Hall Street at least once a week.  

My daughter lives on Parr St and mentioned someone like that a few weeks back.

[VladimirIlyich]

1 hour ago, Jarvinja Ilnow said:

She will be adding to the thread later, talking about the local weirdo who used to watch her gardening, in his Ethel Austin shorts, eating Monster Munch.

There was another local weirdo who lived near my parents house before I left home and he was named Frank,or 'Frank the Plank' and obviously suffered from mental illness and used to go around talking to himself or nobody in particular. He used to have loud arguments with a dog he had and the dog was as docile as fuck,a dozy Black Labrador that was no problem to anybody. He had thick black NHS specs and always wore a suit jacket and mismatched pants that hadn't been washed in decades. I look back and feel really sorry for the fella as he obviously needed help but it was back when the Thatcher mob were shutting down all the day care centres and psychiatric units to make themselves richer through tax cuts like they always do.

[s(k)aturation]

1 hour ago, Rushies tash said:

Did you?

 

Nie, dziękuję

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

13 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

There was another local weirdo who lived near my parents house before I left home and he was named Frank,or 'Frank the Plank' and obviously suffered from mental illness and used to go around talking to himself or nobody in particular. He used to have loud arguments with a dog he had and the dog was as docile as fuck,a dozy Black Labrador that was no problem to anybody. He had thick black NHS specs and always wore a suit jacket and mismatched pants that hadn't been washed in decades. I look back and feel really sorry for the fella as he obviously needed help but it was back when the Thatcher mob were shutting down all the day care centres and psychiatric units to make themselves richer through tax cuts like they always do.

Was he harranging the dog about the best crisps, Findus pancakes or who can wear a tank top the best?

 

I guess the poor dog was the 'care' in the 'community' that we were all told about. To be fair, for a low paid Serco employee, the dog obviously stuck to his task.

[Remmie]

5 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

There was this fella around ours growing up that we called tinnabeans on account of him always going in our local shop and buying a tin of baked beans, sitting on the bench outside the shop, opening the beans with a tin opener that he carried around with him and eating them cold with a plassy spoon.

 

 

Pro-beaner behaviour 

3 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Sorry to be uncool but what the fuck is a beer coat 

Shitting mumra, all the bizarre slang and terminology you come out with and you don't know beer coat, you, you, you....errrr coat hanger. 

[Rushies tash]

20 minutes ago, skaro said:

 

Nie, dziękuję

To co mówisz!

 

Also remember seeing a fight among some drunks in Acton. One lad got twatted over the head with a crow bar. He was sat there literally with his head split open (6 inch gash, fucking horrible) and he was only worried about where his can had gone and wanted to get off back to the park where they hung out.

[cloggypop]

Acton Bronson

[Remmie]

3 minutes ago, Rushies tash said:

To co mówisz!

 

Also remember seeing a fight among some drunks in Acton. One lad got twatted over the head with a crow bar. He was sat there literally with his head split open (6 inch gash, fucking horrible) and he was only worried about where his can had gone and wanted to get off back to the park where they hung out.

I saw a couple of homeless guys having an argument in Edinburgh when the one with a walking stick started walking off but the other guy kept shouting at him and he lost it, turned back, called him a radge cunt and showed such proficiency hurling and then beating the other guy with his stick it didn't really seem like he needed it.