Local Weirdos

[Section_31]

There's a bloke lives at the back of us and he uses a jet washer on his patio, but when he does he wears those fly fisherman's dungarees that go right up to your shoulders. About this time of year he always burns bushes in his back garden for some reason, but he waits until it's night time and does it while wearing a miner's headlamp. 

 

Bloke over the road often sits in his car reading the paper. Suspect he hates his wife, but he literally just sits there for half an hour reading the paper. 

 

When I was a kid there was a bloke called 'Harry' lived in our close. His curtain nets were always dirty and his garden overgrown. Kids would just play in there and it was sort of a mark of bravery that 'Harry' might come out and chase you with a spade or something. He never did, in fact in the best part of 15 years - I never actually saw 'Harry'. 

[s(k)aturation]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

There's a bloke lives at the back of us and he uses a jet washer on his patio, but when he does he wears those fly fisherman's dungarees that go right up to your shoulders. About this time of year he always burns bushes in his back garden for some reason, but he waits until it's night time and does it while wearing a miner's headlamp. 

 

Bloke over the road often sits in his car reading the paper. Suspect he hates his wife, but he literally just sits there for half an hour reading the paper. 

 

When I was a kid there was a bloke called 'Harry' lived in our close. His curtain nets were always dirty and his garden overgrown. Kids would just play in there and it was sort of a mark of bravery that 'Harry' might come out and chase you with a spade or something. He never did, in fact in the best part of 15 years - I never actually saw 'Harry'. 

 

Sounds like a modern, prosaic take on "Penny Lane".

Pouring rain.

Very strange.

 

 

 

[General Dryness]

Somebody walked down my street today playing a french horn. I think that's what it was. I only saw them from the back. They were wearing a cape of some sort.

 

Shittest superhero ever.

[Trumo]

If he wore yellow waders with his headlamp, he'd look like that cyclops Minion.

 

There's a bloke who lives either at the end of our street or just round the corner, not sure where. Either way, for years he's regularly sat on a deckchair by the low wall on that corner. I've never seen him with a paper or a book (I doubt he's the type who can operate a mobile phone or tablet), and occasionally he's been sat there with a thermos. Quite a few people have done similar during the lockdowns but this behaviour from him goes back years.

[cloggypop]

2 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Somebody walked down my street today playing a french horn. I think that's what it was. I only saw them from the back. They were wearing a cape of some sort.

 

Shittest superhero ever.

Boss. There's a bloke here that walks around the outskirts of town playing bagpipes. Seen him a few times now. I assume it's an instrument that nobody at home wants to hear them practising. 

[Karl_b]

There's a guy in Sheffield that wanders around shouting at people and telling them off. He wears a black tracksuit top, black shorts and pulled up black football socks at all times. We have therefore nicknamed him the 'Referee of Life'. 

 

"That prick just pushed passed me to get on the bus. Come here lad whilst I take your name."

 

"Fed a pigeon despite the signs asking you not to? Yellow card!"

[cloggypop]

We have a bloke that sings the Smiths loudly while cycling but Amsterdam has an old bloke who constantly cycles around in his speedos. Been doing it for years. 

 

[Karl_b]

4 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

Boss. There's a bloke here that walks around the outskirts of town playing bagpipes. Seen him a few times now. I assume it's an instrument that nobody at home wants to hear them practising. 

I fucking hate, hate, bagpipes. 

[Bruce Spanner]

2 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

We have a bloke that sings the Smiths loudly while cycling but Amsterdam has an old bloke who constantly cycles around in his speedos. Been doing it for years. 

 

Is the bloke who wanders around ringing a bell and shouting still about.

 

When I was there quite a bit you could always rely on him to freak you out if the mushrooms had kicked in.

[Trumo]

11 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Somebody walked down my street today playing a french horn. I think that's what it was. I only saw them from the back. They were wearing a cape of some sort.

 

Shittest superhero ever.

 

Then he fell down a open manhole cover, and the dastardly supervillian Sad Trombone Man was on it in a flash.

 

 

[cloggypop]

2 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I fucking hate, hate, bagpipes. 

The Dutch call them doedelzak (pronounced doodlesack) which is a great word. 

[cloggypop]

1 minute ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Is the bloke who wanders around ringing a bell and shouting still about.

 

When I was there quite a bit you could always rely on him to freak you out if the mushrooms had kicked in.

Haven't noticed him. That in Amsterdam? Have to be a special sort of loon to stand out there. 

[sir roger]

Just shows the way things have changed   remember the wife saying as a kid she told her mum that there was a creepy guy in the area asking to take pictures of the kids and giving them home made lemon curd if they did , and her mum telling her off for running away as she 'loved lemon curd '

[Bruce Spanner]

Just now, cloggypop said:

Haven't noticed him. That in Amsterdam? Have to be a special sort of loon to stand out there. 

Yeah, he used to walk around central bellowing and ringing a bell.

[cloggypop]

Just now, Bruce Spanner said:

Yeah, he used to walk around central bellowing and ringing a bell.

Doesn't ring a bell. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soz. 

[easytoslip]

There was a fella years ago around our way who used walk around doing the Woody Woodpecker noise, me mate and our kid took this cider sign from an offy and tormented him with it, it was like a a Woody Woodpecker shout off. 

They followed him to where he lived and he had 2 or 3 pairs of massive minty Y Fronts for curtains. 

There's one down here who rides around on a bike that's got loads of mirrors on, like a Mods Scooter, and flags with music blaring out, there's also a younger one doing the same now so perhaps it's his son and he's taken up the cause. 

I can remember quite a few when I was a kid

 

[Bruce Spanner]

8 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

Doesn't ring a bell. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soz. 

Bellend.

[cloggypop]

4 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

There was a fella years ago around our way who used walk around doing the Woody Woodpecker noise, me mate and our kid took this cider sign from an offy and tormented him with it, it was like a a Woody Woodpecker shout off. 

They followed him to where he lived and he had 2 or 3 pairs of massive minty Y Fronts for curtains. 

There's one down here who rides around on a bike that's got loads of mirrors on, like a Mods Scooter, and flags with music blaring out, there's also a younger one doing the same now so perhaps it's his son and he's taken up the cause. 

I can remember quite a few when I was a kid

 

[easytoslip]

Just remembered another loon, you could hear this crackpot streets away, he used do like a kind of laugh that got louder Hoohoohoohahahahaha, we used to laugh like fuck but it was probably a bit unnerving if you was a young girl, bonkers. 

[Jairzinho]

Handbag man.

 

Probably in his late 40s who used to march through town wearing an unbelievably short pair of shorts all year round. Always carrying a large handbag. Occasionally used to hang around in the parks looking incredibly shifty. 

 

A 100 carrot nonce.

 

 

 

And this fella - 

 

 

[manwiththestick]

There's this big black fella who used to approach us when we were kids asking to feel our muscles, not sure if that classes as weird.

[Section_31]

* waits for Dr Troy to enter thread.

[s(k)aturation]

 

There was a bloke in Acton Hight St when I lived in London in the autumn of 1989....

He was part of the Carlsberg Special Brew street set.

We Australians living above the Captain Cook Hotel were very fond of him.

Atop the hill near the Safeway Supermarket - like clockwork, and yet seemingly randomly from out of the throng - he would suddenly launch at you.  Full tilt.... Ever so wobbly and morningly drunken, slightly built, yet intimidating... a 25-yard run up, apparently intent on disturbing your furniture, middle stump.

Then just as you thought him and his stinking check suit were going to envelop you, scone you... he'd veer away - piss elegantly, almost gracefully - at the last second.

 

And you'd be free, unmolested, to go and buy your mad-cow-riddled rump steak, Heinz Baked Beans, potato gems and pint can of Coke.

 

We used to call him "Dennis Lillee".

 

 

 

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Said this before but Porsche wanker over the road thinks he has a gym bod, at least 60 and a string of piss. Tends to mow the lawn without a shirt on and in running shorts, hiking boots and weightlifting gloves.

 

Women next door to my uncle use to hoover the path.

 

Lad a few doors away from Porsche twat uses scissors on the lawn edging and brushes his gravel.

 

Older fella in our close use to be a builder, drives but uses a wheelbarrow all the time. ‘ one house brick here Billy ‘ ‘Hang on I’ll get my barrow ‘

[sir roger]

Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

Bloke on my allotments lines up in a row all the snails he finds on his plot then shouts obscenities at them before stamping on them. His plot is full of overgrown fruit trees, old washing machines and bricks. We call him crazy snail man. 

Fucking Corbyn