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Premier League Round Up (Oct 31 - Nov 2 2020)

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Back on top then. Despite everything that has happened so far this season, all the setbacks, all the criticism and the doubts thrown our way, we’re back on top after another eventful weekend in which Everton took another step back towards the mediocrity in which they’ve resided for decades, United delivered a pitiful showing against Arsenal and Harry Kane further enhanced his claim to be the league’s biggest cheat.

 

But the main takeaway from the weekend is we’re back on top of the pile again. I’m taking nothing for granted and I’m not claiming that we’ll stay there indefinitely, but it does put some perspective on where we’re at considering all the mad shit we’ve had throw at us over the past month. To come through all that and still be looking down on the rest says a lot.

 

All the talk of us crumbling without Van Dijk and how it opens the door for all the other challengers. Yeah I don’t really see it. Other than Man City, exactly who are these ‘challengers’ supposed to be? Everyone is dropping points and from week to week it’s impossible to predict the results as there’s always at least one mad scoreline we didn’t see coming. Actually this week was fairly predictable but that’s not been the case too often since footy returned.

 

It’s so topsy turvy that City might not even be the biggest threat to us and I’m open to the suggestion that the biggest challenge might come from elsewhere, but until that materialises I’ll just continue rooting against City, not least because I despise everything they stand for.

 

May as well start with them I suppose. They had an uninspiring but relatively comfortable 1-0 win at Bramall Lane. Kyle Walker’s low drive from 25 yards settled it and City had the better of the chances without ever really getting anywhere near top gear. Walker didn’t celebrate because he comes from a family of Blades fans and his parents still live in Sheffield.

 

That’s just reminded me, remember when they sold him to Spurs and then just immediately plugged in another Kyle at right back as his replacement, and Spurs went and bought him too?

 

What the fuck was his name? *googles*  Kyle Naughton. He’s at Swansea now. Fair play to him, he’s made a good living for himself as a Kyle Walker tribute act.

 

He’s got a long way to go before he reaches the level of James McCarthur though, who started out as a jarg James McCarthy at Wigan only for the roles to be reversed years later when they were re-united at Palace. McCarthur is now the headline act and McCarthy is… I was going to say he’s the By Jovi to McCarthur’s Bon Jovi but neither of those bums are worthy of such a lofty comparison. McCarthy is the Kyle Naughton to McCarthur's Kyle Walker.

 

Lundstram had the best chance for the Blades when he fired just over in the second half. They’re not scoring goals and they’re losing every week but their performances suggest that it might not take much for things to around and them to start picking up some wins. They're competitive, they just create fuck all.

 

Brewster hasn’t had a sniff of goal yet because they aren’t creating chances. Shearer picked out a load of instances where Brewster was ready to make a run but the ball just didn’t come into the box. This is the one thing Shearer is good for these days. He can highlight stuff like this as well as anyone but ask him to break down a penalty incident or a red card and he’s almost as bad as his pal SuperDan. I’ll get 'Right Said Fred' in a minute though. 

 

Hopefully the Blades can sort that out and Rhian can knock a few goals in, because if he’s not finishing chances he’s not doing much else. He looks a terrible fit for that team at the moment through no fault of his own. It’s like hiring Jamie Oliver for a dinner party and then not letting him cook. “Yeah Jamie, I know cooking is what you’re good at but I was thinking you might just stand around and watch while Lundstrom, Berge and Baldock take turns at burning toast instead”

 

As for City, I have lots of thoughts on them but I’ll say nothing more as we play them this weekend and I’m not going to risk jinxing anything by talking them down. I’ll say they’ve got more than enough quality to beat us if we aren’t at our best and I’ll leave it at that. 

 

 

 

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Great read Dave. You forgot to mention Wilson "being clever" to win his penalty. Got in front of Gomez and then went down with minimal contact - not enough to send him flying through the air in the way he did anyway. But then he's English, so..

 

Oh, and I run the line for my lads at the weekend and I'm shit hot. And a baldy. Just saying like.

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34 minutes ago, Rushies tash said:

Great read Dave. You forgot to mention Wilson "being clever" to win his penalty. Got in front of Gomez and then went down with minimal contact - not enough to send him flying through the air in the way he did anyway. But then he's English, so..

 

Oh, and I run the line for my lads at the weekend and I'm shit hot. And a baldy. Just saying like.

Doesn't apply to linos, only pundits and refs.

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Do other Brummies even consider Villa fans to be Brummies? I always thought the rest of Birmingham treated them like the Crazies in Escape From New York - crawling out of the sewers after dark and banging on manhole covers to signal each other.

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Spurs signed Kyle Walker and then Kyle Naughton all those years ago. Before Walker moved to Man City, one of his understudies at right-back was Kyle Walker-Peters who is currently at Southampton. And back in Bale's first spell at Spurs, they had another speedy winger with the same chimp-like physiology as the Welshman. A proper doppelganger with the same haircut as Bale too, before Bale grew it out and added the topknot. I'm sure there's a Chas N Dave song with pertinent lyrics.

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I feel your dislike of us with a higher level of testosterone & a higher metabolism (ie bald folk) boarders on racism. 

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13 minutes ago, Scott_M said:

I feel your dislike of us with a higher level of testosterone & a higher metabolism (ie bald folk) boarders on racism. 

nope, it's called baldism, similar to neverton being top of the league, hair today gone tomorrow

 

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'It’s no co-incidence to me that the best pundits all have hair while the bald ones are the least trustworthy."

 

Majestic prose. Better than Dickens, frankly. 

 

As a 41 year old with a full head of hair I can only concur. At my last haircut the barber mentioned how thick my hair is. Like a cottage with a thatched roof my head. Solid as a rock. 

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56 minutes ago, Peter Cormack said:

You forgot Rio in your assessment of bald pundits Dave, another useless know nothing oxygen thief. Is Mcmanaman the exception that proves the rule.

Rio isn't bald?

 

McManaman the pundit is ok, but McManaman the commentator is irritatING as fuck with his over-pronunciatING of every word that ends in ING.

 

Jamie Redknapp is probably the exception that proves that rule.

 

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1 hour ago, Peter Cormack said:

You forgot Rio in your assessment of bald pundits Dave, another useless know nothing oxygen thief.

 

He clearly dyes his beard as it looks unnaturally dark. I don't think he uses Just For Men. More like HP or Epson.

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Baldism has been a thing on this site for a while. Alice Bands and Man Buns are problem areas not baldies. Us bald men should take offence, we need a safe space.

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Dave, you neglected to mention how your boy Bamford missed an absolute sitter just before Leeds gifted Leicester their opening goal.

 

As for refs and decisions - I've been watching top flight footy for 55 years and I no longer have any idea what's going to be called a foul anymore, there are so many inconsistencies and anomalies. Get something on the ball, but catch the man on the follow through = foul.......except sometimes (e.g. the Burnley lad who got studs on the ball before wiping out Robbo). The handing out of yellow cards is utterly random now, too.

 

As for last week's penalties - the one on Mo was more clear cut than any of the others, Wilson, Grealish, Bellerin, Kane, - but you wouldn't think that from the media. 

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Great summing up of our other favourite clubs Dave, especially the BS.

 

Also “are you forgetting that they are Spurs?”

 

Fucking hate Spurs me.

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5 hours ago, dave u said:

Rio isn't bald?

 

McManaman the pundit is ok, but McManaman the commentator is irritatING as fuck with his over-pronunciatING of every word that ends in ING.

 

Jamie Redknapp is probably the exception that proves that rule.

 

FuckING this. Thought it was just me getting driven crazy about it. He sounds like a copper trying to sound educated when reading out a statement on telly.

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Harsh on Mike Dean, who doesn't deserve to be on that list of baldy no-marks. Is Anthony Taylor lined up to ref us at the week-end? Try watching the Watford v Stoke highlights on YouTube and have a look at the Watford equaliser; a truly awful decision and proof that keepers aren't always protected

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7 hours ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Baldism has been a thing on this site for a while. Alice Bands and Man Buns are problem areas not baldies. Us bald men should take offence, we need a safe space.

Or a Wig!

Oh and thank the Holy Fuck that Bamford didn't score this week

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The thing about Harry Claim is a parallel with "baldy" Shearer in the 1990s -  the PL referees let them get away with all that backing in and falling over to get a free kick or penalty as they are the England captain. Then when they play in international games they get short shrift from referees that actually see what is going on.

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19 hours ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Baldism has been a thing on this site for a while. Alice Bands and Man Buns are problem areas not baldies. Us bald men should take offence, we need a safe space.

Or get a rabbit tattooed on your heads ; as from afar it looks like HARE !!!! .....I know terrible I'll get me coat

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My dad uses that joke all the time.

 

For the record, my dad still has a thick head of (pure white) hair, as did his dad before him. I have their strong genes to thank for my healthy, shiny mane.

 

I got lucky there as if I'd taken after my mum's side of the family... well the men are generally bald as coots, including Tom R and Zeke.

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