What is the most dangerous thing in your house?

[Stouffer]

My starter for 10.

 

[Bjornebye]

Her. 

[Harry's Lad]

My Missus without a doubt.

[TheBitch]

My monkey armed with a knife.

[Bobby Hundreds]

My morning absent mind. Last week I went to make a brew and some cereal and put a tea bag in a bowl and poured hot water in. 

[Mook]

My eldest Son.

 

The way he's going, he'll be robbing banks by the time he's 10 & annexing Poland shortly afterwards.

[Harry's Lad]

4 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

I’ve got a big fuck off axe, just like this one. I use it to split logs not chasing Mrs Kurtz into the bathroom though. 

You should.

You might find out what she pisses out of.

[Bobby Hundreds]

1 minute ago, Harry's Lad said:

You should.

You might find out what she pisses out of.

Her axe wound

[Chocoholic]

Argos catalogue. Have you felt the weight of one of those fuckers? 

 

Here's a scenario: The annoying neighbour comes round, spouting shite, I could smash him over the the head with the Argos, (wrapped in a disposable plastic bag, just in case) make sure he's well done for. Drag him back round to his, call the Police, and be casually thumbing through the murder weapon when I open the door to them, and they'd never suspect a thing.

[Pete]

My wife.

[Chocoholic]

1 minute ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

I think the fact that you posted a confession on here may give them pause for thought though. 

That's not a confession, that's a hypothetical scenario of something that's not happened... yet... written by a forumite called Chocoholic. Deffo not me.

[Chip Butty]

These hands and my Bruce Lee Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, scream.

 

fuckin deadly like lad. 

[Elite]

Tramadol, I could overdose any cunt with it 

[Captain Turdseye]

5 minutes ago, Elite said:

Tramadol, I could overdose any cunt with it 

Not me, son. 

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Not me, son. 

You might have built up a tolerance mate but I think 100 pills washed down with a can of Fosters will just about see you off.

[ZonkoVille77]

Bottle of Absinthe. 

I hope I never have to open it. 

[Carradona]

Our open fire in the sitting room where our 4 year old and 6 year old kids are constantly kicking footballs and throwing eachother around.

[littletedwest]

I have a chainsaw and an axe along with the hand eye coordination of a 90 year old parkinson sufferer who's been drinking special brew

[Tony Moanero]

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Tony Moanero said:

How did I know you’d watch QVC 

[Bruce Spanner]

3 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

When we had the restaurant one of the chefs took the top of his knuckle off with one of those.

 

He genuinely put an elastic band around his wrist, covered his hand in a blue food bag an just continued his shift until we noticed he was in the verge of dying, crazy Brazilian fucker.

[Captain Turdseye]

2 hours ago, Elite said:

You might have built up a tolerance mate but I think 100 pills washed down with a can of Fosters will just about see you off.

You didn’t say anything about Fosters. Yeah, that’s me fucked. 

[Chocoholic]

2 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Yeah there’s your watertight defence right there. Probably won’t even get to trial once the CPS read that. You’re in the clear, get the fucking neighbour round. 

I knew you'd see sense!

[easytoslip]

Me and the Hoover, we've come to blows before as I can't understand its reasoning and why it makes life even more difficult. 

[TheHowieLama]

Liquor cabinet.