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Premier League Round Up (Jun 19-22 2020)

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Ok, the games are coming thick and fast and it’s difficult to keep up. The best way to do this I think it to do the Round Up after each round of fixtures, but because there’s no break in between this means that the next round of games will have started before I can get this out there.

 

For example, I’m writing this while Leicester and Brighton are playing, and there’s another game after that. Those will be in the next round up, not this one, so bear with me as I’ll try to keep up as best I can.

 

Right, to kick this one off we go back to last Friday’s game at the new White Hart Lane or whatever the fuck they decided to call it…

 

*checks google*

 

Hahahaha Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Fucking hell. Bet they paid a fortune to some marketing dick in a suit to come up with that one too. Christ. If that’s the best they could come up I’d love to hear the suggestions that were rejected.

 

Anyway, Spurs took the lead against Ole’s resurgent Yernited (mad the way they’ve been talked up lately. They seemed to get better with every week they didn’t play) when Bergwijn sliced thorough the middle of the United defence and beat De Gea with a shot that was straight at him. How many times have we seen that over the last year or two? 

 

Maguire’s ‘defending’ was a sight to behold too, as Bergwijn went round him like he was a cone on the training field, but De Gea’s blunder meant that most people overlooked that. Not Roy Keane. He wanted to murder both of them with his bare hands.

 

Ok that’s not true. He only wanted to murder De Gea. He’d have been happy enough just slapping Maguire about a bit. I don’t care what people think of Roy Keane, I’m going to come out and say that his assassination of Maguire and De Gea is the best thing I’ve seen since footy came back. It’s an admittedly low bar.

 

The goal wasn’t really deserved and I thought Spurs were fucking woeful. After going ahead they sat back and tried to ‘Mourinho’ a result out of it. Why are they playing like that when they’ve got talented attacking players and one of the best centre forwards in Europe? That’s a rhetorical question. I know why. We all know why. It’s who he is. He can’t help himself.

 

Enjoy the next couple of years, Spurs fans, because this is what you can expect on a weekly basis. The football is going to be brutal but Daniel Levy won’t be sacking Jose any time soon as he’ll need to pay him off, and that’s simply not an option with Levy controlling the purse strings. 

 

With Spurs just camped in their own half United were able to apply some pressure but it wasn’t until Pogba arrived that they looked threatening. He was good to be fair. I don’t say that often because I’m not a liar, but credit where it’s due he looked decent in this game.

 

He played one terrific through ball that caused a collective orgasm among his army of twitter virgins. They’ll be showing the gif of that for the next decade in response to anything and everything, because that’s what the Fifa generation do. It’s not just United fans, but they might just be the worst for it. 

 

Arsenal are bad too, you only have to see how many times that gif of Pepe sort of slightly not really dribbling past Virgil has been posted. But United fans seem to be the specialists in celebrating minor moments and making out that they’re much more significant than they actually are.

 

When Henderson lifts the Premier League trophy you’ll see underneath a clip of Pogba playing that pass along with the comment “yeah but can he do this?”.

 

Kevin De Bruyne will surge past three players, ping a sixty yard ball to Sterling and then race into the box to convert the cross and you’ll see the Pogba pass with the comment “My midfielder > your midfielder”

 

I’m not even kidding. United fans have gone fucking loopy these last few years since they became shite. They’ve been spoiled and now don’t have a clue how to handle not being successful, so they’re claiming all sorts of little ‘victories’ and embarrassing themselves on social media.

 

These absolute dangers will big up Wan Bissaka as the best right back in the world just because he slide tackled some fucking slapdick winger from Carlisle or Rotherham in a League Cup tie.

 

They usually have names like @Tactical_McTominay, @Martialista, @Rashfordology, @Pogba-Fernandez-Goal! or some other cringey shit like that. Cunts.

 

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got the same type of wanker posting the same kind of shit about our players (usually Keita doing a stepover). The difference is we’re miles clear at the top of the table and we’re the reigning World and European Champs so we can do that without looking like our hard drives should be checked. 

 

Actually that’s not true, the Keita obsessives definitely need their hard drives checking too, but I digress.

 

So yeah, Pogba made the difference after he came on and United drew level when he skipped past the lumbering Dier and then conned his way to a penalty, which was converted by Fernandez, who is surely the most over-rated player since…well since Pogba actually. In fairness Fernandez is actually very good, he’s just been massively overhyped due to United’s midfield having been so fucking bad until he arrived.

 

Tell you what though, Jon Moss hasn’t lost anything during the lockdown. Either in poundage or incompetence. He was fat and shit before the break and he’s still fat and shit now.

 

He actually gave two pens to United. One was allowed to stand and the other was overturned by VAR. The truth is neither of them were pens. Pogba dived for the first and Fernandez dived for the second. Thank fuck for VAR or Fernandez would have gotten away with that.

 

I genuinely don’t get how come more wasn’t made of the Pogba one though. Everyone other than me and Jose seems to have just said “yeah clear penalty, you can’t do that in the box”. Do what? That’s not a foul in a million years. I know Eric Dier is shit but what’s he supposed to do there? 

 

Pogba went past him and then reached back to hold him off. Dier sort of reaches out to move Pogba’s arm out of the way and then Pogba just fell down. Dier doesn’t push or pull him, he doesn’t really do anything at all. 

 

Still, if he had moved his feet in the first place instead of standing there leaden footed like some kind of Harry Maguire tribute act then the penalty incident doesn’t happen. 

 

He’s terrible. Always has been. That’s why I always used to refer to him as Eric Dire until he nailed Sergio Ramos and I felt that he deserved a little bit of respect for that so I started to spell his name correctly. 

 

So God bless him for that horrendous challenge on Ramos but the lad is a terrible football player. Remember when there was a national debate about whether he was better than Henderson? Kinell. Like arguing that (insert any band you like) are better than Bon Jovi. Absolute insanity.

 

Spurs are now an awful shadow of the side they were under Pochettino. It’s night and day in terms of how they play, but is anyone other than Daniel Levy surprised by that? Why would you appoint that fucker? Busted flush.

 

Still, it could be worse. They could be Arsenal. Rant incoming....

 

This is just a teaser, click here to view the full article

 

Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

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Top stuff Dave back on form with that. Loved the Arsenal rant.

 

As for the Pogba / Keita twitter accounts I find they don't usually support either Utd or Liverpool and just are fixated on those players and will twist facts and go to any length to back the players no matter what. If Pogba left Utd to Madrid you'd find @Pogba-Fernandez-Goal! would be @Pogba-Benzema-Goal! within seconds of the move happening 

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15 hours ago, tlw content said:

. Like arguing that (insert any band you like) are better than Bon Jovi. Absolute insanity.

Top stuff as always Dave, but this sentence makes me think you’re losing it. I’m now a bit worried about your mental health.

Bon f*** Jovi? Their rank as a band must be somewhere around where Kidderminster is in footy.

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So, moving on. Palace looked quite good didn’t they? That doesn’t bode well for us as we take them on tomorrow in an empty Anfield. They were a lot more comfortable at Bournemouth than the 2-0 scoreline suggests.


Nope.

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2 hours ago, DalyanPete said:

It's an abuse of power.

 

An abuse of power would have been to ban you, and let's be clear on this; people have been banned for far less than I'm seeing in this thread.

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Not a fan of the current Arsenal team then?  It's stuff like this that made me buy & renew my season ticket here 

Fantastic rant.

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3 hours ago, dave u said:

Regrettably having to drop some neg bombs on the musically tone deaf brigade. 

3 hours ago, dave u said:

Regrettably having to drop some neg bombs on the musically tone deaf brigade. 

Now I know no-marks like David Gilmour isn't even fit to string the great Bon Jovi's guitar. How could I be so wrong?

As the Americans now praise their president for protecting them from Covid-19, I now bow my head in admiration of your musical superiority.

I’m no longer a little worried about your sanity, I’m deeply concerned ;-)

.

 

 

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1 hour ago, dave u said:

 

An abuse of power would have been to ban you, and let's be clear on this; people have been banned for far less than I'm seeing in this thread.

Well....I am shocked, if not a little hurt!

I'm guessing the Bon man at Anfield was the bestest for you?

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4 hours ago, DalyanPete said:

Well....I am shocked, if not a little hurt!

I'm guessing the Bon man at Anfield was the bestest for you?

 

Best visiting performance at Anfield since Palace beat us years ago.

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7 minutes ago, dave u said:

 

Best visiting performance at Anfield since Palace beat us years ago.

Nice one, am I right in thinking he upset a few blues in the crowd or was that another gig?

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On 25/06/2020 at 18:53, DalyanPete said:

Nice one, am I right in thinking he upset a few blues in the crowd or was that another gig?

 

He did. Made a reference to being at the home of the European Champions.

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On 25/06/2020 at 19:45, dave u said:

Regrettably having to drop some neg bombs on the musically tone deaf brigade. 

@Paul ban him please.

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There seem to be hundreds of Twitter accounts devoted to Mesuit Ozil. I don't understand why you would have a Twitter account and base it around one player, it seems strange to me. 

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