Poetry

[Elite]

2 hours ago, Edward. said:

Try blackout poetry. Google it. It's a good start.

I'm scared to Google that as there's blue waffle potential.

[Dr Nowt]

Not big into poetry as a rule, but I did write a lockdown haiku about one of my best mates recently. He's called Nick and we all still take the piss 30 years on about how he wore school shoes under his PE kit for a time, and later had to bear the shame of owning Nicks trainers; "Nick's Nicks". Never gets bored of it, does Nick.

 

It's about early family outings during his horribly depressing, culture-less childhood, being dragged up in the midlands.

 

---

 

'Picnics by power stations'

 

Nick picnics, in Nicks

The power station looms large

Spam, chips and cancer

 

---

 

He really liked it, when I put it in our What's App group the other Saturday.

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Dr Nowt said:

Not big into poetry as a rule, but I did write a lockdown haiku about one of my best mates recently. He's called Nick and we all still take the piss 30 years on about how he wore school shoes under his PE kit for a time, and later had to bear the shame of owning Nicks trainers; "Nick's Nicks". Never gets bored of it, does Nick.

 

It's about early family outings during his horribly depressing, culture-less childhood, being dragged up in the midlands.

 

---

 

'Picnics by power stations'

 

Nick picnics, in Nicks

The power station looms large

Spam, chips and cancer

 

---

 

He really liked it, when I put it in our What's App group the other Saturday.

I like it. 

[Elite]

1 minute ago, Dr Nowt said:

Not big into poetry as a rule, but I did write a lockdown haiku about one of my best mates recently. He's called Nick and we all still take the piss 30 years on about how he wore school shoes under his PE kit for a time, and later had to bear the shame of owning Nicks trainers; "Nick's Nicks". Never gets bored of it, does Nick.

 

It's about early family outings during his horribly depressing, culture-less childhood, being dragged up in the midlands.

 

---

 

'Picnics by power stations'

 

Nick picnics, in Nicks

The power station looms large

Spam, chips and cancer

 

---

 

He really liked it, when I put it in our What's App group the other Saturday.

Not bad, drags on a bit though.

[Captain Turdseye]

I feel like I’ve gotten to know Nick after reading that. 

[Dr Nowt]

8 minutes ago, Elite said:

Not bad, drags on a bit though.

 

[Dr Nowt]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I feel like I’ve gotten to know Nick after reading that. 

Such is it's profundity.

 

Might publish a book of poetry myself to be honest.

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

Such is it's profundity.

 

Might publish a book of poetry myself to be honest.

Nah. I want to read "Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper does Tinder" 

[Captain Howdy]

Philip Larkin is where the parties at

[Elite]

5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Nah. I want to read "Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper does Tinder" 

There's only room for one poet on the dating scene...

 

[Dr Nowt]

9 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Nah. I want to read "Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper does Tinder" 

Too Hot To Handle stuff, that.

[Elite]

1 minute ago, Dr Nowt said:

Too Hot To Handle stuff, that.

Well I imagine a lot of them have syphilis so they're not lying.

[Edward.]

3 hours ago, Elite said:

I'm scared to Google that as there's blue waffle potential.

I wouldn't do that to anybody.

[Edward.]

Typing in blue waffle even though I know.

[Elite]

A wise man once said,

Don't have sex twice in the same bed,

The screws will become loose,

The headboard will rattle

And shagging your bird quietly will turn into a bit of a battle.

 

 

 

 

[Dr Nowt]

Buoyed by the success of my previous haiku, I have ventured further into blistering commentary on current affairs.

 

Last night, a mate said his 14 year old nephew was writing Maddie McCann poems. I set myself two minutes max to write a Maddie-themed haiku. No more than 120 seconds later, this important piece of culture had been published. On What’s App.
 

‘Patatas bravas’

 

Fuck, tapas again
Dad always comes back early
Hope mum checks the boot

 

(5-7-5)

[Kevin D]

 

[VladimirIlyich]

On 23/05/2020 at 14:27, Elite said:

My poems end up boring as fuck though. What sort of triggers do you use to evoke emotion from the reader?

There was a young lady from Nantucket....loads of stuff to inspire you there.

 

Or to slightly plagiarise a war poet 'Boom,boom,boom,boom'

[polymerpunkah]

Blood red

Skin shed

Not dead

Arbutus

Are beauteous

 

My one and only poem.

I tried to get it published. 

They told me to go climb a tree.

Philistines.

[Captain Turdseye]

2 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

There was a young lady from Nantucket....loads of stuff to inspire you there.

 

Or to slightly plagiarise a war poet 'Boom,boom,boom,boom'

The Vengaboys were war poets?

[Pureblood]

But Why No Face Masks?

By TK41

 

"Test, test, test" at the WHO's behest

Daily briefings and all the rest

Shielding loved ones in the family nest

But why no face masks?

 

High inoculums and viral loads

It came from pangolins, bats or toads?

Cummings driving down the longest of roads

But why no face masks?

 

Polybasic furin cleavage sites

Protestors fighting for their rights

Curfews for the city nights

But why no face masks?

 

Hydroxychloriquine, Remdesivir

Panic! Panic! The end is near!

Petrol pump prices not so dear

But why no face masks?

 

(C) 2020

[Bjornebye]

There was a young girl called Madeleine...

 

The end. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fuck me thats grim. Even for the GF. 

[Code]

Pickles and mussels.
Pancakes with wine.

Pints and pudding.

Porridge with swine.

Seagulls cross the ocean.

Poetry in motion.
 

The end.

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

6 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

The Vengaboys were war poets?

They didnt Arsene about.

[Bruce Spanner]

7 hours ago, polymerpunkah said:

Blood red

Skin shed

Not dead

Arbutus

Are beauteous

 

My one and only poem.

I tried to get it published. 

They told me to go climb a tree.

Philistines.

Not gonna lie, I thought about it for a while, I really tried to see your side, but they were right, sorry.

 

Dont be sad, just look at it as somewhere you don’t need to place your energies anymore, or a place that doesn’t bring hurt your way.