Ninja and the Scared Birds

[Spy Bee]

I have a couple of cats and one of them - Ninja - is proving to be quite an adept hunter. He has brought a few dead mice, which is no major issue, but now he's developed a habit of bringing live birds into the house. This creates fucking chaos in the mornings. This week I have had a blue tit which I managed to usher out of the top floor skylight and this morning we had a blackbird, which I managed to get outside away from the cats, but I don't know if it was too injured to survive - it disappeared under the back gate with it's mum nearby.

 

Anyway, apart from putting a bell on the cat/s, which just seems cruel, is there anything I can do to stop or at least discourage this?

[Elite]

Equip the local birds with knives.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Dress up as a bird and slap your cat about a bit.

[Bjornebye]

Just tell bastard that each time he does it he goes down a dan. By the time he gets back to an orange belt he might book his ideas up. 

 

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

It's your fault for calling him "Ninja". You should have called him "Chippy tits" and he wouldn't be able to catch anything.

[Elite]

I know you said you don't want to put a bell on him but you've got to make him as conspicuous as possible. Strapping a ghetto blaster to his torso with 'I'm The Leader Of The Gang" by that nonce Gary Glitter blaring on loop should do the trick.

[Spy Bee]

1 minute ago, Elite said:

I know you said you don't want to put a bell on him but you've got to make him as conspicuous as possible. Strapping a ghetto blaster to his torso with 'I'm The Leader Of The Gang" by that nonce Gary Glitter blaring on loop should do the trick.

Should serve as a warning to all young birds at least.

[Bjornebye]

Send Mooks mouse round 

[Strontium]

Wearing a bell doesn't seem excessively cruel compared to having your goolies cut off, being fed tinned shite etc

[Spy Bee]

5 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Wearing a bell doesn't seem excessively cruel compared to having your goolies cut off, being fed tinned shite etc

Well, actually they only have the finest dried food. I just thinking after having his balls chopped off, hunting is all he has!

 

I've been reading up on it and apparently they adapt and still catch things even with a bell. I need a little cat flap bouncer of some kind; "If the bird's alive, you're not coming in!"

[Bjornebye]

9 minutes ago, Spy Bee said:

Well, actually they only have the finest dried food. I just thinking after having his balls chopped off, hunting is all he has!

 

I've been reading up on it and apparently they adapt and still catch things even with a bell. I need a little cat flap bouncer of some kind; "If the bird's alive, you're not coming in!"

Buy an Eagle. Perch it in the corner of the room and when Bruce strides back in with a swallow in his grasp and looks up he’ll fucking shit himself and you won’t see him for a while. 

[Trumo]

2 hours ago, Spy Bee said:

I have a couple of cats and one of them - Ninja - is proving to be quite an adept hunter. He has brought a few dead mice, which is no major issue, but now he's developed a habit of bringing live birds into the house. This creates fucking chaos in the mornings. This week I have had a blue tit which I managed to usher out of the top floor skylight and this morning we had a blackbird, which I managed to get outside away from the cats, but I don't know if it was too injured to survive - it disappeared under the back gate with it's mum nearby.

 

Anyway, apart from putting a bell on the cat/s, which just seems cruel, is there anything I can do to stop or at least discourage this?

 

Discourage this? What the fuck man, let it loose in the White House!

 

Oh, and bake the blackbird in a pie.

[manwiththestick]

Ours used to bring in all kinds, the two that spring to mind are a crow that was only stunned and ended up flying all around our house in a squawking panic and a frog, my god have you ever heard a frog scream? It's fucking horrible.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Send him to live with Paul McCartney for a week and see if he comes back as a vegetarian.

[Bjornebye]

15 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Send him to live with Paul McCartney for a week and see if he comes back as a vegetarian.

It will come back with one leg and wings. I can't see how this suggestion helps to be honest mate. 

[Rico1304]

Shoot any bird in the area.  

[Trumo]

3 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

Ours used to bring in all kinds, the two that spring to mind are a crow that was only stunned and ended up flying all around our house in a squawking panic and a frog, my god have you ever heard a frog scream? It's fucking horrible.

 

26 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Send him to live with Paul McCartney for a week and see if he comes back as a vegetarian.

 

Along with 'Ebony & Ivory', the nadir of Paul's music career.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Start bringing home giant owls and eagles: once he sees what a dominant hunter you are, he'll abandon his feeble attempts.

[Bjornebye]

7 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Start bringing home giant owls and eagles: once he sees what a dominant hunter you are, he'll abandon his feeble attempts.

You need to read other peoples replies. You can't just jump on other peoples ideas. Be original for fuck sake. 

 

Trying to help the poor fella here. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

 

7 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Buy an Eagle. Perch it in the corner of the room and when Bruce strides back in with a swallow in his grasp and looks up he’ll fucking shit himself and you won’t see him for a while. 

Buy an eagle?  What kind of mewling quim do you take Adam for?  He needs to catch the eagle, gut it and wear it's head as a hat.  That's how you let a cat know who the Alpha hunter is.

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

 

Buy an eagle?  What kind of mewling quim do you take Adam for?  He needs to catch the eagle, gut it and wear it's head as a hat.  That's how you let a cat know who the Alpha hunter is.

I stand corrected. 

 

 

"Not so hard now are you you little shit, go on, dare ya" 

 

 

 

[ZonkoVille77]

 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Take its teeth out and replace them with blunt dentures, sorted. 

 

Seriously, you can't stop it unless you put a bell on a collar, not that cruel in the big scheme of things, although his street cred will be zilch. Think I read/watched some programme years ago and they explained that cats like to bring their kill home so you can share in their victory, something about them seeing you as the King of the pride.

 

Just teach it to hunt Tories, jobs a good un. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Am I the only one who saw the thread title and assumed there was some cool new band getting all the kids excited?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

10 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Am I the only one who saw the thread title and assumed there was some cool new band getting all the kids excited?

 

I thought it was some new TV series about a Ninja stalking women.