THE TLW TAVERN (no virus talk allowed, just small talk pub bollocks)

[Tony Moanero]

I could just go a ham and tomato butty. Are you still using Smart Price bread, you minge?

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Hey, @Tony Moanero have you seen what someone's written about your Ma on the bog wall?

[Tony Moanero]

2 minutes ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

Hey, @Tony Moanero have you seen what someone's written about your Ma on the bog wall?

I wrote it myself, mate.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 13/03/2020 at 11:40, cloggypop said:

 

On 13/03/2020 at 18:46, Dave D said:

Got a new girl starting tonight. Shes quite shy so go easy on her

 

Fucking lockdown has taken its toll.

 

[Jennings]

2 hours ago, Dave D said:

You were barred pre-lockdown because your bird pissed on the cutlery tray if I recall correctly.

People complained for months afterwards that my chicken soup starter tasted like rancid piss

To be honest mate, a number of your punters from here said they thought your soup actually tasted better after that incident.

[Tj hooker]

Make a moooooove

[Alan Sex]

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup. 

[tokyojoe]

3 minutes ago, Alan Sex said:

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup. 

Well shut up or everyone will want one.

[Dave D]

1 hour ago, Tony Moanero said:

I could just go a ham and tomato butty. Are you still using Smart Price bread, you minge?

Havent had a delivery of bread since we reopened.

 

Luckily for you Tony, I found this in the fridge, must have been there prior to lockdown. Probably a bit dry so Ive reduced it to £3.50 from £3.69 

 

  

[Bjornebye]

Someones shit on the hand dryer. 

[Dave D]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Someones shit on the hand dryer. 

At least they were in the general vicinity of the loos. We've got a fair few regulars who like to shit their pants whilst sat at the bar  

[Bjornebye]

58 minutes ago, Dave D said:

At least they were in the general vicinity of the loos. We've got a fair few regulars who like to shit their pants whilst sat at the bar  

Its Stringvest. He does it for attention. 

[Tony Moanero]

Got any Hall & Oates on the jukey, mate?

[Guest]

19 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Got any Hall & Oates on the jukey, mate?

You want to order breakfast from the jukebox?

[alles ist gut]

Stick the cricket on, will yer?
 

I know it’s raining, that’s not the point

[VladimirIlyich]

Who farted? Or are you making egg butties again Landlord?

[Bjornebye]

"I've just had 3 of'em round the back" 

[Dave D]

16 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

Got any Hall & Oates on the jukey, mate?

Yeah- stick a quid in- she takes a while to fire up and plays most songs on too high a speed, other than that shes a beauty

 

 

[Dave D]

I had to remove the Jive Bunny records for security reasons 

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, Dave D said:

Yeah- stick a quid in- she takes a while to fire up and plays most songs on too high a speed, other than that shes a beauty

 

 

How many songs for a quid? 

[Bjornebye]

Someone keeps writing "QED" in lippy on the mirrors in the Gents 

[Dave D]

1 minute ago, Fluter in Dakota said:

How many songs for a quid? 

One and a half.

 

Or just the intro of Bat Out Of Hell 

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, Dave D said:

One and a half.

 

Or just the intro of Bat Out Of Hell 

Have you got "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that"? 

[Davelfc]

Give me a double something, someone just showed me a pic of old madonna in her knickers and I need to clear the taste of the vomit from my mouth. 

[VladimirIlyich]

18 minutes ago, Dave D said:

Yeah- stick a quid in- she takes a while to fire up and plays most songs on too high a speed, other than that shes a beauty

 

 

I came here to get away from the missus,thank you!