THE TLW TAVERN (no virus talk allowed, just small talk pub bollocks)

[Captain Turdseye]

This isn’t a pub, it’s a fucking wine bar. 

[Dave D]

1 hour ago, Trumo said:

 

As long as I'm before Mook.

Dont worry- Mook was here for opening time.

His temperature was quite low- he said he was surprised as he had been puking up all night. 

[Anubis]

An virus walks into a tavern. The bartender says "we don't serve viruses here." The virus says "well you're not a very good host."

[Dave D]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

This isn’t a pub, it’s a fucking wine bar. 

Wine does tend to be our best seller 9am-1030am

[Bjornebye]

A pint of Guinness and turn the jukebox up. I’ve just put 40 quids worth of Dubliners and Wolfetones records on. 

[Elite]

An Englishman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint of Guinness, the bartender says "Shouldn't you be in self isolation?", The Englishman replies "No, as per Government guidelines I'm under 70, have no underlying health conditions and am showing no current symptoms of a persistent cough or a fever."

[TheBitch]

Pint and 2 E's please, Barb'. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Shakespeare tried to walk into a pub, but apparently he was bard.

[Trumo]

You, draughtsclaat, Pimms all round!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

32 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Shakespeare tried to walk into a pub, but apparently he was bard.

I saw Vincent van Gogh over by the bogs, before.  I said "Vinny, wanna pint?"

He said "No thanks. Got one 'ere."

[VladimirIlyich]

3 hours ago, AngryofTuebrook said:

I saw Vincent van Gogh over by the bogs, before.  I said "Vinny, wanna pint?"

He said "No thanks. Got one 'ere."

I'm calling for a Constable after that.

[manwiththestick]

An electron walks into a bar, two pints of your strongest ale and a couple of whiskey chasers please barman, my wife has left me, took the kids, my job is under threat  I'm getting old and on the way to an early grave with stress.

 

Crikey , says the batman, what's with all the negativity?

[redinblack62]

9 hours ago, Elite said:

An Englishman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint of Guinness, the bartender says "Shouldn't you be in self isolation?", The Englishman replies "No, as per Government guidelines I'm under 70, have no underlying health conditions and am showing no current symptoms of a persistent cough or a fever."

"Bartender?"

[Jennings]

Who are those army punks playing pool? I think I know one from school.

[A Red]

I just saw Tom Jones. Again.

[Alan Sex]

11 hours ago, Trumo said:

 

As long as I'm before Mook.

Trumo: Mooky, have you been taking your temperature rectally with this thermometer?

 

Mook: Why do you ask?

 

Trumo: it tastes just like my cock. 

 

 

[sir roger]

Is that Stanley Johnson over in the corner ?

[Tony Moanero]

12 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

This isn’t a pub, it’s a fucking wine bar. 

Stig bevvies with Wicksy in the Dagmar.

 

[Dave D]

Notice to Patrons

 

In accordance with government advice we have now had to shut the TLW Tavern until further notice.

 

We fully understand that will mean no where to drink until you piss your pants so have put a 100 litre water butt outside.

 

We all know you will all miss the famous TLW tavern mixed grill so will be offering delivery to our regulars

[Bjornebye]

A 100 litre butt? Poor Mook will freeze overnight 

[Mendoza]

 

[Bjornebye]

 

 

 

 

 

[manwiththestick]

25 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

 

 

 

 

Elizabeth Shue was outstanding in that film.

[VladimirIlyich]

Is this place still open? You are in breach of the curfew and licensing conditions. 

[Dave D]

10 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Is this place still open? You are in breach of the curfew and licensing conditions.