Premier League Round Up (Feb 29 - Mar 1 2020)

[tlw content 16,639]

I really had to force myself to stick match of the day on and get stuck into this. Usually I quite look forward to Thursday’s and doing the Round Up, but this week I didn’t really want to do it at all. Because we lost a game. 

 

I didn’t want to sit through MOTD even though I knew at the end they’d be showing a league table with us 22 points clear at the top. Talk about split.

 

This is the first time this season that I’m writing a round up in a week when we’ve lost. Shit, I’ve only had to write one time after a week in which we’ve drawn, and we’re in fucking March! 

 

Although it hardly ever happens, losing really doesn’t feel nice and I’ve not handled it particularly well this week. That seems pretty bad on the surface. Fans of everyone else have seen their team lose plenty and draw even more. 

 

Out of curiosity I had a look at the league records of the top teams in the there divisions. Championship leaders West Brom have lost five and drawn twelve!! Second placed Leeds have lost eight and drawn eight. In League One leaders Coventry have only lost three but they’ve drawn 13. The top team in League Two, Swindon, have lost eight times.

 

We’ve lost one and drawn one, and I’m sat here struggling to motivate myself. In a way it’s a good thing as there was a time not so long ago when it happened so frequently that I was becoming used to it. It’s much better to be over-reacting to a rare defeat than to just be shrugging it off as “yeah we lost again”.

 

That being said, it’s time for me to man the fuck up and just get on with it, so without further ado, here’s what happened last weekend.

 

I’ll start with Friday night’s game at Carrow Road where Norwich pulled off an upset win over slumping Leicester.

 

That Iheanacho cunt had a goal ludicrously disallowed due to that terrible new ‘attacking player handball’ rule. The ball comes off the arm of defender and brushed Iheanacho’s hand before he runs through and scores. 

 

I hate that new rule, it’s pure shite and goals like that should never be disallowed unless a) it’s Wolves, just because it’s funny, or b) it’s Iheanacho because he’s a fucking scumbag and any goal he ever scores should be disallowed purely on the basis of that.

 

He wasn’t happy about it but tough shit. If he wants to score goals so much then he shouldn’t have deliberately missed that chance against City last season then, should he? Cunt.

 

Norwich won it when their full backs went all Trent and Robbo, as Aarons crossed to the far side of the box and Lewis lashed one into the bottom corner. Lovely goal that.

 

 

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[alles ist gut 4,639]

Top, top Peter Shilton analysis there, Dave.

[Jimmy Hills Chin 2,017]

Everton thought they’d won it late on when Maguire deflected a Calvert-Lewin shot into his own net. United appealed for offside but the linesman’s flag stayed down so the Blues celebrated wildly. And then VAR said “nah, fuck you Everton. For years you didn’t want to beat United so now that you do, tough shit”.

 

Repped for that paragraph alone.

[DaveT 692]

Didn't realise it was that gormless twat Kavanagh that sent off Ancelotti. Before going on to confirm his complete and utter twatishness on Tuesday night. Absolutely no-one will be surprised to learn that he comes from......... Manchester.

[rb14 1,896]

2 hours ago, tlw content said:

 “fuck this shit, I’m a lazy cunt, don’t expect me to drop back” and I’d just stay up front, goalhanging. 

Fixed that for you. 

 

2 hours ago, tlw content said:

...at the other end Jordan Pickford was saying “hold my beer” as he dived over the top of a Bruno Fernandes 30 yarder. Minutes earlier he was lucky not to concede a penalty as he punched Maguire in his big stupid head about two seconds before the ball arrived.

Now THAT'S what I pay my money for. Comedy genius. Ace. 

[Anubis 21,337]

This is from the Dier story on the BBC website today. It seems Jose isn’t happy with fucking up things on the pitch, but working diligently to put a dent in the corporate income as well...

 

 

Quote

The incident happened in the area behind the dugouts, which is a corporate section, and Mourinho criticised it for not housing "real Tottenham fans".

 

He added: "The people that are in these privileged positions by the tunnel, of course some are Tottenham fans.

 

"But I think a lot of corporate, a lot of invitation, a lot of people with special status [are in there] and probably it is the place of the stadium where I sometimes have doubts over if they are the real Tottenham fans, because these [real fans] are the ones who support the boys until the last."

 

[dave u 7,475]

5 hours ago, rb14 said:

Fixed that for you. 

 

Now THAT'S what I pay my money for. Comedy genius. Ace. 

 

You don't put baby in the corner, and you don't put Dave U at right back. Right back is for those who don't have the flair to play further forward and do the stuff that requires actual talent.

 

Where was it you played again? Oh yeah, it was right back. Enough said.

[dave u 7,475]

6 hours ago, alles ist gut said:

Top, top Peter Shilton analysis there, Dave.

When I wrote that I knew I was getting this response from you. Had a little chuckle as I wrote it purely because of that.

[dave u 7,475]

Also had a little chuckle because I was able to throw in one of my favourite quotes from Step Brothers.

 

"Stupid curly haired fuck" is an all timer.

[dylstar 1,224]

Dave Usher vs Peter Shilton....

 

[Trumo 16,072]

On the Pickford-Maguire thing you mentioned, it's physically impossible to NOT catch that massive slabhead even if you do have tiny arms.

 

On the Shilton-Maradona thing, you're right that he doesn't get nearly enough criticism for going into lumbering oaf mode when challenging for that ball. It's like he couldn't get off the ground at all from a standing start. Same with when he conceded from a deflected Brehme free kick in the 1990 semi final. He was practically standing on his goal line and still somehow managed to get lobbed. David Seaman was a bit like that at times. Incredibly agile one moment, concrete-booted oaf the next.

[rb14 1,896]

5 hours ago, dave u said:

Where was it you played again? Oh yeah, it was right back. Enough said.

 

Indeed. I was that marauding right back, controlling the whole right side of the pitch and delivering pinpoint crosses for you to somehow lumber into the net. Where I led, TAA tries to emulate now. Except I'm younger and better looking. @Ted will back me up.

[dave u 7,475]

"No one grows up wanting to be Gary Neville". 

 

Except Roger.

[sir roger 8,652]

21 hours ago, DaveT said:

Didn't realise it was that gormless twat Kavanagh that sent off Ancelotti. Before going on to confirm his complete and utter twatishness on Tuesday night. Absolutely no-one will be surprised to learn that he comes from......... Manchester.

Had never really noticed this guy until I was asking who had our next match and a mate described him as ' That pasty-faced , Nicholas Cage looking Manc cunt '.