Featured: That was the week that was (Feb 22-28 2020)

[tlw content]

 

Saturday Feb 22:

 

Hahaha Timo Werner is a case isn’t he? As if the interview the other night wasn’t enough of a hint he doubled down on it today in an interview with Sky Germany in which he hailed Klopp as the world’s best coach and then insisted that everyone knows he’s a perfect fit for how Klopp likes to play. What’s next? Breaking out in Allez Allez Allez maybe? This is even more blatant than Torres sending us a come and get me plea by wearing an armband with YNWA on it.

 

More transfer speculation as Alex Bruce - son of Steve - reckons we’ll sign Todd Cantwell and he compared him to Jack Grealish and James Maddison. All three have something in common in that they look like massive twats. Where they differ is that in the case of Grealish looks can be deceiving, but the other two are exactly what it says on the tin. And the tin says ‘Twat’. Diving twats, although Cantwell is marginally less of a twat than Maddison. We’d better not fucking sign him though.

 

Speaking of Grealish, he was asked about rumours linking him with us and United. “Of course it’s nice.

Who doesn’t like to be talked about in a nice way? But, to be honest, I try and take everything with a pinch of salt. I had it all five years ago when I broke through and I was getting talked about a lot. I was 19 years old, going online reading about myself and I couldn’t believe it. 

 

“I was in the papers all the time and they were asking: ‘Is this the new big thing?’ Then just one thing goes wrong and it all comes down on you like a ton of bricks. It is nice to read and nice to listen to, but I don’t let it get to me too much, because I know how quickly it can change.”

 

“I can’t help but think of playing for England because that is what I want to do. I hope I have done enough but I also think I can perform better and that is the God’s honest truth. People on the outside might say I am doing well, but I know for a fact I can do better and score more goals and get more assists.”

 

“What will be hard at the moment is with the position I am playing in at the moment, people would probably say I am playing as a winger. If you look at England’s wingers, I doubt I would have much of a chance of starting in front of [Raheem] Sterling, [Jadon] Sancho and [Marcus] Rashford, who are all unbelievable players!

 

“I’ve always said my favourite position would be playing in midfield. That is where I would love to play for England. It is where I would want to play for Villa, but it just so happens at the moment I am playing well in the position I am in and it is better for the team.”

 

I really don’t want to like Grealish but it’s proving impossible not to. I love his attitude and he’s just not the wanker I always thought he was. I don’t think we have room for him as I wouldn’t want to impede the progress of Jones, but if another spot opened in midfield (if they decided to give up on Keita for example) then I’d be well up for us signing this lad. Who’s with me? Anyone?

 

Sunday Feb 23:

 

This Barcelona thing is mad. They’ve signed someone called Martin Braithwaite. I hear that name and immediately think “lower league Yorkshireman, probably plays for Rotherham” but this is Barcelona so obviously it’s not. So I assumed he must be one of those random South American lads with weird English sounding names. I assumed wrong. He’s actually Danish. He did play for Middlesbrough until fairly recently though, and he’s 28, so he may as well be some lower league chump. 

 

But Barcelona have signed him. And that isn’t even the maddest part. They signed him while the window was closed due to a loophole that allows you to sign players if you have injury problems. So the mighty Barcelona signed him from lowly Leganes by activating a release clause. And that still isn’t the maddest part. The maddest part is that Leganes are not allowed to sign a replacement. How fucked up is that?

 

Barca have got Messi and Griezemann and that Fati kid who is meant to be the next big thing, but they’re allowed to take the best player from a relegation threatened club who aren’t allowed to sign a replacement because they don’t have an injury crisis. What a fucking joke.

 

Just what the fuck has happened to Barca’s famed academy though if they can’t promote someone from there to sit on the bench? They must be in even worse shape than I thought they were.

 

 

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[manwiththestick]

Great Dumb and Dumber reference there. Can't believe you didn't mention Bobby's contribution of "Knowledge", that cracked me up and should be a GIF for years to come ala Lucas' "Unlukkee"

[scudger99]

You might be right about Grealish, but there's something about Madison that just screams "utter cock".  A fucking shoo in for United then.

If Keita is let go (which I doubt) Grealish might be a handy signing.  But only if he doesn't block Jones's progress.

[alles ist gut]

Top, top “totally redeemed themselves” analysis there, Dave.

[Anubis]

The bit that creased me about the inside Anfield video was when they come out of the Ref’s meeting and Alan Irvine wished Virg good luck. You’re the opposition, you are not supposed to be wishing your opponents luck, especially when you’re fighting relegation!

[sir roger]

1 hour ago, scudger99 said:

You might be right about Grealish, but there's something about Madison that just screams "utter cock".  A fucking shoo in for United then.

If Keita is let go (which I doubt) Grealish might be a handy signing.  But only if he doesn't block Jones's progress.

Was flicking past the Leicester / Norwich game on TV and Maddison was taking a corner. Fuck me, his arms are thinner than Aspas , so it's a no from me.

[rb14]

Good job. And no stupid words. You feelin' ok hun?

[Captain Turdseye]

We’ve got a ‘new’ official coconut milk partner? What happened to our old official coconut milk partner? The one that had Simon Mignolet baking cookies that were “really delicious and heelthy”?

 

Who knew there was such cut-throat competition between coconut milk companies in advertising space?

[aws]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

We’ve got a ‘new’ official coconut milk partner? What happened to our old official coconut milk partner? The one that had Simon Mignolet baking cookies that were “really delicious and heelthy”?

 

Who knew there was such cut-throat competition between coconut milk companies in advertising space?

I hate unnecessary change. We were unbeaten with our old partner. 

[dave u]

20 hours ago, scudger99 said:

You might be right about Grealish, but there's something about Madison that just screams "utter cock".  A fucking shoo in for United then.

If Keita is let go (which I doubt) Grealish might be a handy signing.  But only if he doesn't block Jones's progress.

 

Jones will take Lallana's spot in the rotation. I'd only sign another midfielder (ie Grealish) if someone else moved on. I doubt they'll give up on Keita but if they did I'd love us to go for Grealish. If Keita stays, then there's no need to sign anyone.

[Tj hooker]

Brilliant read