What have you achieved today?

[Remmie]

I did a plop a full foot long, had to use the toilet brush to first pull it out of the u-bend to garner an approximate size and subsequently harpoon the watery mudchild into stinky twins before it could be adequately vanquished.

 

I felt like I was walking on the moon afterwards, all light and bouncey.

[Dr Nowt]

Just earnestly called my dog a prick.

 

One step away from swearing at inanimate objects as though expecting a response.

[Jairzinho]

Swerved a potentially enormous fuck up at work which, had it gone wrong, would have probably resulted in me and every other worker at the company losing their job.

 

Basically did a foot long shit in my kecks.

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

I did a shit the other day which looked exactly the same shape, size, colour and texture as a battered fish from the chippy. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I had my first shit at Chez PB's for the first time in nearly 2 weeks and it was a delight. Also raided the crisp and chocolate cupboard so I'll no doubt have another shit later. Need a Siesta now, I'm fucked. 

[KMD7]

Fixed the airlock in the bathroom taps.

[Mook]

Forgot to take the recycling bin out & it doesn't get collected for another two weeks.

[Bjornebye]

This thread reminded me I had a few things to do. Just cleaned the inside of the washing machine out and put some of that solution stuff through it on a high temperature wash. I've also just used some drain un-blocker for the kitchen plugs (despite the temptation just to drink the bottle) because she insists on not always fully scraping her plates before they go in the sink. 

 

When I opened the cupboards under the sink one of her glass serving things that she insists on cluttering the cupboard with fell out and smashed on the floor. It was an accident and she will be pissed off but the essential stuff under there has a bit more breathing space now so I'll take that as a minor accomplishment. 

[Bobby Hundreds]

It's been a very long time since I've achieved anything of interest.

[Champ]

You’ve inspired me to get off my arse...

[Guest]

I found out that Philip Schofield is gay and I also had a nice sausage and bacon sandwich. These two achievements are most definitely not linked and are purely coincidental.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

25 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

This thread reminded me I had a few things to do. Just cleaned the inside of the washing machine out and put some of that solution stuff through it on a high temperature wash. I've also just used some drain un-blocker for the kitchen plugs (despite the temptation just to drink the bottle) because she insists on not always fully scraping her plates before they go in the sink. 

 

When I opened the cupboards under the sink one of her glass serving things that she insists on cluttering the cupboard with fell out and smashed on the floor. It was an accident and she will be pissed off but the essential stuff under there has a bit more breathing space now so I'll take that as a minor accomplishment. 

Ah, the age old dilemma, own up straight away or hide it. My record remains my dad's spade, which I broke as a kid, and he didn't notice for about a year. When he finally wrestled it from the back of his shed it fell into two pieces and I meekly said "oh no, you broke it".

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Ah, the age old dilemma, own up straight away or hide it. My record remains my dad's spade, which I broke as a kid, and he didn't notice for about a year. When he finally wrestled it from the back of his shed it fell into two pieces and I meekly said "oh no, you broke it".

She won't notice its gone until Christmas when no doubt pin-point the exact date and time it broke. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Talked my way out of attending a Labour Party meeting tonight by feigning illness. It’s the CLP thing to select who we’re nominating but I’d rather stay at home and catch up on that Barrymore bollocks from last night. They’ve also stupidly scheduled a branch meeting for tomorrow morning and I’m afraid I might not recover in time to attend. 

[sir roger]

7 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Talked my way out of attending a Labour Party meeting tonight by feigning illness. It’s the CLP thing to select who we’re nominating but I’d rather stay at home and catch up on that Barrymore bollocks from last night. They’ve also stupidly scheduled a branch meeting for tomorrow morning and I’m afraid I might not recover in time to attend. 

Big Game Beaut , you were at the front when the cameras were there.

[Trumo]

He was the one windmilling his cock.

[sir roger]

5 minutes ago, Trumo said:

He was the one windmilling his cock.

He calls it his Matt Hancock now.

[halewood pete]

1 hour ago, Nelly-Torres said:

I did a shit the other day which looked exactly the same shape, size, colour and texture as a battered fish from the chippy. 

Please name the chippy so I can avoid it

[Paulie Dangerously]

Taught a class of 7 and 8 year olds a song about a dragon called Leslie 

[Bjornebye]

19 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

Taught a class of 7 and 8 year olds a song about a dragon called Leslie

Leslie? PC Gone mad

 

 

 

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

8 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Leslie? PC Gone mad

 

 

 

 

It's about a dragon who needs friends, but only wants one the same colour as itself but then learns that whatever colour the dragon is they are all the same inside and that colour doesn't matter.  

[Chairman Meow]

Nothing.

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

It's about a dragon who needs friends, but only wants one the same colour as itself but then learns that whatever colour the dragon is they are all the same inside and that colour doesn't matter.  

Aren't all dragons green though? 

 

Is the story based on John Leslie and Abi Titmouse having a threesome with a black prostitute?

 

What sort of fucking are you delivering Paulie and how can I attend 

[Rico1304]

3 hours ago, Jairzinho said:

Swerved a potentially enormous fuck up at work which, had it gone wrong, would have probably resulted in me and every other worker at the company losing their job.

 

Basically did a foot long shit in my kecks.

Our loss is Spain’s gain. 

[Aventus]

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