Coronavirus

[Mudface]

2 minutes ago, Mook said:

Now that I think about it, my family might not be too keen, two of them are underage, my missus says the pub smells of old men & last time I took the cat down he stabbed some cunt who sold him a packet of fake snouts.

 

Let's wait 'til the F**tball is back on.

2025 it is.

[Jennings]

Corona Gaye

....you should have stayed at home Yesterday

 

 

 

[Rico1304]

How was it SD?  The row started with Virg and the PB went hyper loopy. He got caught talking shit and then went Rambo whilst flitting between reality and being tortured in Vietnam. 

[Anubis]

2 hours ago, Nelly-Torres said:

https://www.itv.com/news/2020-03-14/elderly-to-be-quarantined-for-four-months-in-wartime-style-mobilisation-to-combat-coronavirus/

We all know who our elderly neighbours are so it’s incumbent on us to ensure they are helped as well as family. My mum, dad and aunt are all in their late 70s early 80s

but fortunately live in the same street so that makes it easier. The only other elderly neighbour I can think of lives two doors down but has two sons who look in every day.

[Captain Turdseye]

13 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

How was it SD?  The row started with Virg and the PB went hyper loopy. He got caught talking shit and then went Rambo whilst flitting between reality and being tortured in Vietnam. 

Well how do you explain this then? Huh? It’s shocking to see that people are just absolving Mudface of the blame for the role he played in everything kicking off. As a Lib Dem yourself I would have thought you’d pick up on it, but no, you’ve got your own twisted agenda. 
 

On 13/03/2020 at 22:15, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

We're all going to die from a disease whose victims have an average age of 81.

 

On 13/03/2020 at 22:28, Mudface said:

You seem very keen to play this down. Are Lib Dems involved somewhere?

 

On 13/03/2020 at 22:29, Pistonbroke said:

 

Although older people are more susceptible to dying through this the average age in Italy alone is 45.9. So stop posting crap. 

 

[Rico1304]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Well how do you explain this then? Huh? It’s shocking to see that people are just absolving Mudface of the role he played in everything kicking off. As a Lib Dem yourself I would have thought you’d pick up on it, but no, you’ve got your own twisted agenda. 
 

 

 

 

Mud face highlighted the Lib Dem plot to destroy the world.  Obviously I deflected attention to PB. But now I’m going to have to kill everyone.  If you could book flights to Berlin in October I’d be grateful. 

[Sugar Ape]

Trump tests negative. 

[Mudface]

4 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Well how do you explain this then? Huh? It’s shocking to see that people are just absolving Mudface of the blame for the role he played in everything kicking off. As a Lib Dem yourself I would have thought you’d pick up on it, but no, you’ve got your own twisted agenda. 

Fuck. And I would have got away with it as well, if it hadn't been for you pesky kids an inaccessible and uneditable database.

[Sugar Ape]

Matt Hancock article in the Telegraph:

 

 

The coronavirus outbreak is the biggest public health emergency in a generation.

 

 It calls for dramatic action, at home and abroad, of the kind not normally seen in peacetime.

 

Our goal is clear. The over-riding objective is to protect life. Sadly 21 people have already died in the UK, and the fact that most had underlying health conditions does not make the grief of their families any lesser, nor our compassion for their family and friends any weaker. We must all do everything in our power to tackle this virus.

 

We have a plan, based on the expertise of world-leading scientists.

 

Herd immunity is not a part of it. That is a scientific concept, not a goal or a strategy. Our goal is to protect life from this virus, our strategy is to protect the most vulnerable and protect the NHS through contain, delay, research and mitigate.

 

We are working through our clear action plan. Like all our decisions, the plan is based on the bedrock of the science, with maximum transparency. We will do the right thing at the right time, based on the best available science. 

 

To protect life, we must protect the vulnerable, and protect the NHS and flatten the curve.

 

From the moment coronavirus emerged, we have followed those goals.

We have acted to contain the spread of the virus so far. We have carried out some of the highest number of tests in Europe, our surveillance testing is among the most sophisticated in the world and the UK’s plans for the rapid response to and mitigation of the spread of an epidemic are ranked number one above any other country by the Global Health Security Index. Most importantly of all, thanks to our record levels of tracing the number of people who came into contact with the first people who caught the virus, the initial growth was slowed significantly, and the growth of the virus in the UK has been slower than many major European countries.

 

This action has already prevented the NHS being put under greater pressure in its hardest season of the year. We have bought valuable time to prepare.

 

Last week we stepped into the next phase of our response. We took action to advise anyone with symptoms, however mild, to stay at home. This advice from the Chief Medical Officer will be reinforced with a national communications campaign so everyone knows what they can do: how you can play your part. The new campaign will set out the latest clinical advice, for people to stay at home for seven days if they develop a high temperature or new continuous cough. 

 

We can all keep doing our bit by continuing to wash our hands more often, for 20 seconds or more and having plenty of tissues around to ‘catch it, bin it, kill it’.

 

Following this new advice may sound simple, but it could be lifesaving for others around us, especially the most vulnerable.

 

Today, we take further action, with a call to arms for a drive to build the ventilators and other equipment the NHS will need. We are better equipped thanks to the NHS than most other countries, but we will need many more.

 

We now need any manufacturers to transform their production lines to make ventilators. We cannot make too many.

 

In the near future we will take further steps. SAGE has advised the next planned effective interventions will need to be instituted soon, including measures to ‘shield’ older and medically vulnerable people from the virus.

 

Everyone will need to help to ensure they get the support they need to stay at home, and to protect them from the consequences of isolation: loneliness, and a lack of support. Government, local councils, charities, friends and neighbours will need to be part of the national effort to support the shielded. We will provide expert advice and support as soon as we progress to this phase.

 

Next week we will publish our emergency bill, to give the Government the temporary powers we will need to help everyone get through this. The measures in it allow for the worst case scenario. I hope many of them won’t be needed. But we will ask Parliament for these powers in case they are.

 

Our generation has never been tested like this. Our grandparents were, during the Second World War, when our cities were bombed during the Blitz. Despite the pounding every night, the rationing, the loss of life, they pulled together in one gigantic national effort.

 

Today our generation is facing its own test, fighting a very real and new disease. We must fight the disease to protect life.
 

Everyone will be asked to make sacrifices, to protect themselves and others, especially those most vulnerable to this disease. With our clear action plan, listening to the advice of the best science, and taking the action we all must, I am sure we will rise to this challenge.

[Megadrive Man]

Just now, Sugar Ape said:

Trump tests negative. 

For?

[TheHowieLama]

3 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Trump tests negative. 

Exactly what he would say if he was positive.

[Rico1304]

2 minutes ago, MegadriveMan said:

For?

Intelligence 

[Mudface]

2 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Matt Hancock article in the Telegraph:

 

 

The coronavirus outbreak is the biggest public health emergency in a generation.

 

 It calls for dramatic action, at home and abroad, of the kind not normally seen in peacetime.

 

 Our goal is clear. The over-riding objective is to protect life. Sadly 21 people have already died in the UK, and the fact that most had underlying health conditions does not make the grief of their families any lesser, nor our compassion for their family and friends any weaker. We must all do everything in our power to tackle this virus.

We have a plan, based on the expertise of world-leading scientists. Herd immunity is not a part of it. That is a scientific concept, not a goal or a strategy. Our goal is to protect life from this virus, our strategy is to protect the most vulnerable and protect the NHS through contain, delay, research and mitigate.

 

We are working through our clear action plan. Like all our decisions, the plan is based on the bedrock of the science, with maximum transparency. We will do the right thing at the right time, based on the best available science. 

 

To protect life, we must protect the vulnerable, and protect the NHS and flatten the curve.

 

From the moment coronavirus emerged, we have followed those goals.

We have acted to contain the spread of the virus so far. We have carried out some of the highest number of tests in Europe, our surveillance testing is among the most sophisticated in the world and the UK’s plans for the rapid response to and mitigation of the spread of an epidemic are ranked number one above any other country by the Global Health Security Index. Most importantly of all, thanks to our record levels of tracing the number of people who came into contact with the first people who caught the virus, the initial growth was slowed significantly, and the growth of the virus in the UK has been slower than many major European countries.

 

This action has already prevented the NHS being put under greater pressure in its hardest season of the year. We have bought valuable time to prepare.

 

Last week we stepped into the next phase of our response. We took action to advise anyone with symptoms, however mild, to stay at home. This advice from the Chief Medical Officer will be reinforced with a national communications campaign so everyone knows what they can do: how you can play your part. The new campaign will set out the latest clinical advice, for people to stay at home for seven days if they develop a high temperature or new continuous cough.  We can all keep doing our bit by continuing to wash our hands more often, for 20 seconds or more and having plenty of tissues around to ‘catch it, bin it, kill it’.

 

Following this new advice may sound simple, but it could be lifesaving for others around us, especially the most vulnerable.

 

Today, we take further action, with a call to arms for a drive to build the ventilators and other equipment the NHS will need. We are better equipped thanks to the NHS than most other countries, but we will need many more.

 

We now need any manufacturers to transform their production lines to make ventilators. We cannot make too many.

In the near future we will take further steps. SAGE has advised the next planned effective interventions will need to be instituted soon, including measures to ‘shield’ older and medically vulnerable people from the virus.

 

Everyone will need to help to ensure they get the support they need to stay at home, and to protect them from the consequences of isolation: loneliness, and a lack of support. Government, local councils, charities, friends and neighbours will need to be part of the national effort to support the shielded. We will provide expert advice and support as soon as we progress to this phase.

 

Next week we will publish our emergency bill, to give the Government the temporary powers we will need to help everyone get through this. The measures in it allow for the worst case scenario. I hope many of them won’t be needed. But we will ask Parliament for these powers in case they are.

 

Our generation has never been tested like this. Our grandparents were, during the Second World War, when our cities were bombed during the Blitz. Despite the pounding every night, the rationing, the loss of life, they pulled together in one gigantic national effort.

 

Today our generation is facing its own test, fighting a very real and new disease. We must fight the disease to protect life. Everyone will be asked to make sacrifices, to protect themselves and others, especially those most vulnerable to this disease. With our clear action plan, listening to the advice of the best science, and taking the action we all must, I am sure we will rise to this challenge.

GET THE SCIENCE LEAKED. Platitudinous prick.

 

And fuck off with the second world war rubbish.

[littletedwest]

17 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Trump tests negative. 

For a brain

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

There's nothing that reassures the public more than an article behind a paywall. 

 

EDIT: Twitter bods are saying it's a paywall article, but it appears not to be. At least, not at the current moment. 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

8 hours ago, Bruce Spanner said:

 

Luiza?

 

Shame, it's a decent show, except the contortionist.

 

There is no reason the human body should be doing that, I almost did a little sick in me mouth.

Didn’t spoil yer wank tho did it?

[littletedwest]

Any politician who mentions the blitz for anything that has fuck all to do with the blitz should be shot

 

[M_B]

48 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Trump tests negative. 

Shame. Is it wrong to want him to have it?

[Sugar Ape]

Interesting article on the difference between South Korea and Italy’s mortality rates. 
 

https://medium.com/@andreasbackhausab/coronavirus-why-its-so-deadly-in-italy-c4200a15a7bf

 

And a related Twitter thread:

 

 

[Evelyn Tentions]

51 minutes ago, Sugar Ape said:

Trump tests negative. 

IQ test?

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

4 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

My bird’s sister is getting married to a Portuguese bloke next month. They’ve just found out that none of his family will be able to come over for the wedding. Flights all cancelled, I think Madeira is locked down because there’s no cases there yet and his parents are old and ill anyway. 

Free scran and that yeah? I’ll bring the missus if there’s seats going spare? Who’s name on the card, we’ve got an eleccy knife left over from our wedding, I’ll get her to wrap it.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

3 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

Nice biscuits, these

 

A man of your standing should know these are not fucking digestives.

yoh can’t fuck with a classic.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

3 hours ago, Philtrum said:

It's the end of the world as we know it REM

 

3 hours ago, viRdjil said:

@Audrey Witherspoon

Fancy swiping new orders gag.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

3 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Wires - Athlete 

 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

3 hours ago, Redder Lurtz said:

Not enough puns lads. Come on, the coughing, wheezing population of a provincial yorkshire town are depending on you. 

Ok, Yorkshire- home of the legendary techno club the Orbit.

have a bit of Dave Clarke - No ones driving. And be prepared for some sweaty auld bastard to start throwing shapes and asking you to pitch  it up a bit.