Coronavirus

[Dr Nowt]

7 minutes ago, rubble-rouser said:

Worried about a rival in seeing off the elderly?

Pure professional rivalry. Rico will be like a plumber looking at your boiler, going “Who the fuck put that in for you?” then doing that inverted whistle thing which means “£200, minimum. Just to stay an hour, drink 4 cups of your tea and leave a torpedo in the toilet bowl”.

[Guest]

[Guest]

Photos from a bank in Iran. Most businesses are closed 22 hours a day, it looks more like a hospital. 

[TheHowieLama]

[Chocoholic]

Speaking of Iran...

 

https://www.alaraby.co.uk/english/news/2020/2/25/applying-essential-oil-to-anus-cures-coronavirus-iranian-cleric

 

The New Arab

Applying essential oil to anus 'cures coronavirus': Iranian cleric

Ayatollah Tabrizian has publicly denounced Western medicine as 'un-Islamic', Twitter users say [Getty]

Date of publication: 25 February, 2020

 

SIranian cleric Ayatollah Tabrizian has written extensively on violet leaf oil, which he says has miraculous properties.

 

 

A local cleric from the Iranian city of Qom has suggested a novel cure for the new coronavirus - the pre-bedtime rectal administration of violet leaf oil.

Users on Twitter describe how the Ayatollah Tabrizian has publicly denounced Western medicine as "un-Islamic".

In a post to over 120,000 followers on the social messaging service Telegram, Tabrizian, a purveyor of traditional Islam medicine, listed several alternative techniques for fighting the spread of the contagious disease, known as Covid-19.

According to an Iranian news site, which obtained a screenshot of the message, Tabrizian recommends consuming copious amounts of brown sugar, burning wild rue, as well as inhaling snuff. 

His eighth tip is the most striking: "Before bedtime, drench some cotton in violet oil and apply onto your anus" 

[niallers]

I suppose an unintended plus is that this virus should deliver us millions of potential Darwin award winners from the fundamentalist religious who attempt pray everything away. 

That's right my sheep, around the rim twice anti clockwise and just a little bit inside your rusty sheriff's badge and you'll be cured of all that ails you.

[Evelyn Tentions]

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/07/cpac-coronavirus-conference-trump-pence

Please, please, let it be an incredibly virulent strain

[Evelyn Tentions]

7 minutes ago, niallers said:

I suppose an unintended plus is that this virus should deliver us millions of potential Darwin award winners from the fundamentalist religious who attempt pray everything away. 

That's right my sheep, around the rim twice anti clockwise and just a little bit inside your rusty sheriff's badge and you'll be cured of all that ails you.

Anti vaxxers (or to use the technical term, fuckwits) are apparently spamming pollies in the Australian state of Victoria complaining about frontline health workers receiving mandatory vaccinations.

 

"Martin Pakula (@MartinPakulaMP)

As a side bar, it’s interesting that even in the midst of #covid19 & the global efforts to create a vaccine, Victorian state politicians are still getting spammed, daily, by dozens of emails from anti vaxxers objecting to mandatory vaccination of frontline health workers. Bizarre"

I hope they've all stocked up on violet oil.

[Anubis]

5 hours ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

Photos from a bank in Iran. Most businesses are closed 22 hours a day, it looks more like a hospital. 

The top one is surely from a bank robbery....

[Bobby Hundreds]

2 hours ago, Anubis said:

The top one is surely from a bank robbery....

Bagheads usually stick to petty crime.

[Captain Turdseye]

A building in China that was being used to house people with the virus has collapsed and killed a load of them. Does that affect the mortality rate?

[stringvest]

35 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

A building in China that was being used to house people with the virus has collapsed and killed a load of them. Does that affect the mortality rate?

It’s gone down.  

[Vincent Vega]

 

[Elite]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

A building in China that was being used to house people with the virus has collapsed and killed a load of them. Does that affect the mortality rate?

It's infecting bricks now as well? Fuck sake, we've no chance.

[rb14]

In Ho Chi Minh Domestic Terminal this morning it was heaving. Whereas every hotel and airport has been dead quiet, apparently it's Women's Day out here so every fucker is flying somewhere. Mega queues for security and everyone is adorned in varying degrees of medical masks, gloves, safety goggles, etc. Some had not a square millimetre of flesh on display. 

 

Never coming here again as a sex tourist. What a rip-off. 

 

Seriously though, normally it's dead pushy and shovey in the queue, but we were about the only people wearing no protective kit at all and NOBODY pushed us. We were treated like lepers. I deliberately did a decent fake sneeze. There was practically a stampede. Top comedy. 

[skend04]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

A building in China that was being used to house people with the virus has collapsed and killed a load of them. Does that affect the mortality rate?

It's the authorities getting rid of the evidence. I'm sure RP will confirm this.

[Red Phoenix]

2 hours ago, skend04 said:

It's the authorities getting rid of the evidence. I'm sure RP will confirm this.

 

I couldn't even bring myself to joke about potions of cure disease from Skyrim working on this, so I'm definitely going to pass on that one!

[johnsusername]

Hmmm. I can see our senior leadership all working from home and giving the rest of us some Imperial Leather and a 'good luck'. 

[Bjornebye]

13 hours ago, Anubis said:

The top one is surely from a bank robbery....

The bottom one is mid asphyxy-wank

[rubble-rouser]

2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

The bottom one is mid asphyxy-wank

Just Lizzie having one of his 5 a day.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 07/03/2020 at 01:42, Spy Bee said:

I'm also word perfect on Happy Birthday now too!

Who’s name do you put in? Do you vary it by day?

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 07/03/2020 at 02:41, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Even though I’m well in the enhanced at risk group and feel irony insists Coronavirus must kill me this year, my Mum has just got back from Tenerife so it’s given me 14 days grace from meeting up.

 

To be fair, a few thousand dead is probably worth it.

In a similar boat as regards the compromised immunity. But as I’m never great with social niceties and the auld hugs and kisses etiquette, I am quite happy to be able to avoid  the situation.

plus, the housing market could become a bit more fluid.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 07/03/2020 at 05:25, Anubis said:

https://mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSKBN20T0YG?__twitter_impression=true

 

SYDNEY/TOKYO (Reuters) - In Australia, major grocers have restricted supplies to one pack per person. In Japan, rolls are chained to the wall in public toilets. In Hong Kong, armed robbers carried out a heist as supplies were delivered to a supermarket.

 

Toilet paper has emerged as the unlikely No.1 stockpiling target for people across Asia who are worried that the spread of the coronavirus epidemic will lead to supply shortages. 

 

While other household products - including disinfectants, tissues and staples like rice and pasta - have also proved popular, it is the humble toilet roll that has inspired showdowns in supermarket aisles and countless social media memes.

 

The demand has caught many shoppers and sellers short, but psychologists say hoarding is a natural human reaction in times of high anxiety - and a desire to ensure sufficient supplies for lavatory visits in particular is not too much of a surprise.

 

"When we're buying stuff, things close to the body are very comforting, whether that be food, body care or in this case toilet paper," Adam Ferrier, a Melbourne-based psychologist who specializes in consumer behavior, told Reuters.

 

"The size of toilet paper makes it feel like a substantial, big purchase. It makes it feel like you're doing something. It taps back into that need for control. If you're buying a hefty big pack of toilet paper, you kind of feel like you're 'stocking up'. You signify to yourself that you're in control."

 

Photos posted on social media showed plenty of shoppers in Asia seeking control this week as they pushed precariously overloaded carts to checkout counters after stripping shelves bare. 

 

In Australia, police were called out to settle grocery aisle disputes, a delivery truck catching fire due to a mechanical fault made national headlines, and outback newspaper The NT News published an eight-page liftout of blank paper saying the move was to give the nation what it wanted.

 

"It's been a wild week. Everyone's been on the edge of their seat looking at what's happening," said Simon Griffiths, co-founder of Who Gives A Crap, a social enterprise that sells recycled toilet paper and gives half its profit to sanitation-related charity.

 

The company had to suspend store sales and new subscriptions on Wednesday when sales volumes jumped 1100% the day before.

 

SOCIAL MEDIA ROLE

 

In Japan, the economy ministry has launched a publicity campaign to urge calm, posting daily photos on its Twitter account of delivery trucks carrying toilet rolls arriving full at their destinations and of replenished store aisles.

 

"We wanted to send a message for consumers to understand that inventory was arriving," ministry spokesman Yasushi Nozawa told Reuters, adding that while there was no shortage of supply of toilet rolls, distribution networks were struggling to keep up. 

 

"Inventory has piled up at warehouses," he said. "We have requested a doubling of daily delivery capacity from 20 million rolls to 40 million."

 

It's not the first time Japan has succumbed to toilet paper fever. During the global oil crisis of 1973, there were violent scenes in some stores as people rushed to buy bathroom tissue, fearing disruption to production. 

 

Singapore-based academics Roland Bouffanais and Lim Sun Sun said this time around, social media played a major role in making the worries of a toilet paper crunch "propagate like a wildfire."

 

"Collective behaviours among humans are remarkably similar to processes in the animal kingdom such as schooling among fish and flocking among birds," they wrote in an editorial about toilet roll hoarding in the Straits Times newspaper.

 

STACKING UP

 

The situation has also led to some unusually frank comments by Asian politicians. 

 

Singapore Trade Minister Chan Chun Sing was reported by local media as calling the panic buying idiotic in a meeting with business leaders, quipping: "Why stock toilet paper? If you eat all the rice and instant noodles you confirm diarrhea."
 

In Taiwan, during a brief toilet paper panic last month, Premier Su Tseng-chang called for calm on his Facebook page, saying people "only have one butt-hole," to widespread amusement across the island. 

 

After a week of panic buying, Japan's biggest supermarket chain Aeon Co resorted to stacking up 12-roll packs in prominent displays at some of its stores to reassure customers there was plenty to go round.

 

"Our goal is to eliminate people's fears," said Aeon spokesman Daisuke Yokota. "So we're piling them into these huge towers, to send the message: boom, there’s plenty."

We use who gives a crap, sitting pretty on 29 rolls right now, with a box on hold for us at the supplier should we need it.

king of the arse wipe.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 07/03/2020 at 11:16, Anubis said:

There was some bloke stood in front of me in the queue in the shop earlier with a bottle of hand sanitiser attached to his belt like fucking pepper spray. Is this some new form of social boasting by melts? I was sorely tempted to start dry coughing over him to see if I could make him run, but didn’t want to spook the other people stood there.

By all means carry a bottle in your pocket or bag, but strutting around with it on your belt like some sort of gunslinger? Fuck right off.

I’ve got a small bottle hanging off the front of me bike, but it’s been there for 6 months and I always forget to use the fucking thing. 
Me missus was trying to get me to add a sun cream to it yesterday, till I told her I didn’t want to look like a fucking tinker.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

On 07/03/2020 at 22:21, viRdjil said:

No bogrolls at Woolies in Toorak, the most affluent suburb in Melbourne. Stupid twats.

 

 

There has been a case in Toorak, dr or something I think. 
Still doesn’t make any sense all the selfish pricks buying up the big roll like.