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Premier League Round Up (Jan 18-22 2020)

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Loads to get through as there’s the weekend game plus a full midweek schedule to cover. Ideally I’d like to just skim through everything else and spend the whole article discussing Everton shitting the bed against Newcastle, but I’m a pro so I’ll resist the temptation and stick to the usual format.

 

So, where to start then? May as well kick things off with the second funniest thing to happen this week. The Etihad. City against Palace. Pep vs Roy. Roy actually coming out of it winning on points. Again.

 

It’s mad how much trouble his Palace team have given City over the last few years. Other than us, they’ve probably done better against City than anyone.

 

Maybe that’s why Roy was so offended when he was asked what he can learn from Guardiola. “How to lose” was his somewhat bizarre, hilarious and completely unwarranted response. I have no idea if he meant to say that or if he was trying to make a different point, but it was fucking funny nonetheless. Only David Moyes has a bigger distance between opinion of ones own abiltity versus actual ability.

 

I’ve been saying it all year. Palace are a bottom six team at best but somehow they keep getting results they shouldn’t and more often than not they look dreadful in doing so. Add this one to the list.

 

Having taken the lead completely against the run of play (through Cenk Tosun no less! Bet that went down brilliantly across the park) they held out for a long time. They even survived the award of a penalty which was then correctly overturned by (Li)VAR(pool).

 

Just as it was beginning to look like they might pull off another shock win, Aguero popped up twice in the final eight minutes. That looked to be that. Except it wasn’t. Deep in stoppage time Zaha escaped down the left, drilled in a low cross and there was Fernandinho to blast it past his own keeper. Too fucking funny.

 

Speaking of funny, that stoppage time winner from Newcastle at home to Chelsea was comedy gold. Not just because Chelsea lost with the last kick of the game. Obviously that’s enough to make anyone smile, but it was what followed that was so hilarious.

 

Hayden scored (look at that Kepa loser trying to keep it out though) and ran to the corner to celebrate. Matt Ritchie followed and - as he’s known to do - booted the corner flag. Except this time the corner flag took off and torpedoed into the crowd, where it hit some baldy arl fella in the bollocks and prevented him from celebrating.

 

It’s a sign of me getting old that my take on this is that while it’s side splittingly funny because it hit him in the nuts - and people getting hit in the nuts is the funniest thing in the world along with farting - I couldn’t help thinking what if it had hit him in the eye? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but “pack that in, Ricthie. You could take someone’s eye out with that”. Yep, I’m now officially old.

 

 

This is just a teaser, click to view the full article

 

Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

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I thought the Bournemouth match 3-4 years ago  where the Cherries scored an equalizer like 10 minutes into stoppage time because everton had scored late and where on the pitch was peak Everton. 

 

My God they have outdone themselves.

 

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Great round-up Dave. Almost as long as The Irishman - but a lot more laughs.

 

I thought the Walcott drawing was a small (yappy) dog - now I'm not so sure.....

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1 hour ago, tlw content said:

Loads to get through as there’s the weekend game plus a full midweek schedule to cover. Ideally I’d like to just skim through everything else and spend the whole article discussing Everton shitting the bed against Newcastle, but I’m a pro so I’ll resist the temptation and stick to the usual format.

 

So, where to start then? May as well kick things off with the second funniest thing to happen this week. The Etihad. City against Palace. Pep vs Roy. Roy actually coming out of it winning on points. Again.

 

It’s mad how much trouble his Palace team have given City over the last few years. Other than us, they’ve probably done better against City than anyone.

 

Maybe that’s why Roy was so offended when he was asked what he can learn from Guardiola. “How to lose” was his somewhat bizarre, hilarious and completely unwarranted response. I have no idea if he meant to say that or if he was trying to make a different point, but it was fucking funny nonetheless. Only David Moyes has a bigger distance between opinion of ones own abiltity versus actual ability.

 

I’ve been saying it all year. Palace are a bottom six team at best but somehow they keep getting results they shouldn’t and more often than not they look dreadful in doing so. Add this one to the list.

 

Having taken the lead completely against the run of play (through Cenk Tosun no less! Bet that went down brilliantly across the park) they held out for a long time. They even survived the award of a penalty which was then correctly overturned by (Li)VAR(pool).

 

Just as it was beginning to look like they might pull off another shock win, Aguero popped up twice in the final eight minutes. That looked to be that. Except it wasn’t. Deep in stoppage time Zaha escaped down the left, drilled in a low cross and there was Fernandinho to blast it past his own keeper. Too fucking funny.

 

Speaking of funny, that stoppage time winner from Newcastle at home to Chelsea was comedy gold. Not just because Chelsea lost with the last kick of the game. Obviously that’s enough to make anyone smile, but it was what followed that was so hilarious.

 

Hayden scored (look at that Kepa loser trying to keep it out though) and ran to the corner to celebrate. Matt Ritchie followed and - as he’s known to do - booted the corner flag. Except this time the corner flag took off and torpedoed into the crowd, where it hit some baldy arl fella in the bollocks and prevented him from celebrating.

 

It’s a sign of me getting old that my take on this is that while it’s side splittingly funny because it hit him in the nuts - and people getting hit in the nuts is the funniest thing in the world along with farting - I couldn’t help thinking what if it had hit him in the eye? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but “pack that in, Ricthie. You could take someone’s eye out with that”. Yep, I’m now officially old.

 

 

This is just a teaser, click to view the full article

 

Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

God, Haven't laughed so much in years... Thank you Dave. Totally worth the subscription :P

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It virtually wrote itself this time. Roy besting Pep, United embarrassing themselves at home and then the Everton collapse.

 

If I couldn't make this one funny then I'm in the wrong game.

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I was shocked to see my little Aussie mate Mooy has lost his coveted 'My Boy' Status!!!!!. Haven't the Aussies suffered enough Dave? with their entire country having gone up in flames and now this.

Somehow i think that if he took to the pitch with long scraggly Geriatric Rocker hair flowing down his back it would never have happened.

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12 minutes ago, index1000 said:

I was shocked to see my little Aussie mate Mooy has lost his coveted 'My Boy' Status!!!!!. Haven't the Aussies suffered enough Dave? with their entire country having gone up in flames and now this.

Somehow i think that if he took to the pitch with long scraggly Geriatric Rocker hair flowing down his back it would never have happened.

He lost his status for a couple of reasons. Out of sight, out of mind. And also because he hasn't played as well as he did when I first adopted him. I ditched Billing when he left Huddersfield too.

 

I'm fickle like that. Except when it comes to Jason Puncheon. He'll always be my boy.

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The thing I'm most pleased with in that round up is the withering assessment of Todd Cantwell as looking like "an Eton educated Jack Grealish".

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2 hours ago, dave u said:

The thing I'm most pleased with in that round up is the withering assessment of Todd Cantwell as looking like "an Eton educated Jack Grealish".

I had to look up who had been booked to see who you meant. Good call.

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"See what I did there? His name is Pickford, but he’s a prick, so I changed it to Prickford. That’s what you pay your money for right there, people."

 

Worth every penny. Cheers!

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I think I heard on one of the footie podcasts this week that Cook used be a keeper and does one of the fill in roles during training ...still an idiotic reaction mind you

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2 hours ago, Gav said:

I think I heard on one of the footie podcasts this week that Cook used be a keeper and does one of the fill in roles during training ...still an idiotic reaction mind you

To be fair it was a better save than Mig made here in his last 3 years.

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Top Everton against Newcastle analysis there Dave, fucking pissing myself.


Also for those that missed it, here’s that Newcastle fan getting hit in the bollocks and a load of fans laughing at him.

 

 

 

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