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Premier League Round Up (Dec 21-22 2019)

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The weekend kicked off with one of the worst games of football I’ve ever seen. It was so bad I wasn’t even mad, I was impressed. The bizarre thing was that I couldn’t switch it off as it was so terrible that it was fascinating to watch. So many bad passes, mis-controls, awful decisions and clumsy fouls. It was completely inept from both teams.

 

I saw all but ten minutes of it and in that time I didn’t see either keeper make a save. Apparently the only shot of the game came when I wasn’t watching. 

 

Arsenal’s players celebrated their point like they’d just pulled off a heroic European away display. Calum Chambers was talking afterwards about what a battling display it was and how pleased they are with the clean sheet. Fuck me. You’re Arsenal, not Accrington.

 

I know I’m repeating myself every week, but Arsenal’s utter shitness just makes me so angry. They’re an absolute fucking disgrace, so much so that Freddie Ljungberg decided to give himself the ready made excuse for not winning by ditching the likes of Pepe, Lacazette and Ozil and picking a load of kids. 

 

The idea that Arteta is going to walk in there with his PlayMobil haircut and turn that mess around is preposterous. If he’s still there in 12 months I’ll be staggered. He won’t know what’s hit him, going from working every day with Man City’s squad with their ultra professionalism, unrelenting work ethic and single minded winning mentality, to that fucking spineless rabble of shthouses.

 

The game itself was fascinating though. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible for players at this level to look as bad as this. Every pass was either underhit, overhit, misplaced or when it eventually got there it was mis-controlled. There were just clumsy tackles all over the place and everyone seemed to just be making the wrong decision every time. So many passes were put straight out of play it was like a rugby union game. It was so bad it was almost good. Almost.

 

There were weird scenes at full time where Dunc was saying his ‘goodbyes’. He isn’t going anywhere, but this was his last game as caretaker boss, so he was out there on the pitch milking the adulation of the crowd and then spoke proudly to BT about how he’s unbeaten in his time in charge (technically he’s not as they lost a penalty shoot out, but I tend to agree with him that they don’t really count).

 

Then he goes “What a fantastic performance we put in”. Ok, slow down, Tonto. I know you’re excited and caught up in the moment, but let’s not get silly here. Fantastic performance? Even the Hodge would have struggled to describe that as ‘fantastic’.

 

Fuck me. I wish he’d been given the job full time as it would have been a disaster, but to his credit he knows that and he’s said from minute one he wants Everton to get the best manager available and that he knows that isn’t him. He’s made the most of every second he’s had the job and he’s actually been a fun watch if I’m honest. 

 

Of course I’ve found myself laughing at him but it wasn’t even in a malicious way. He starts every game with the suit jacket on but it always comes off as he’s prowling the touchline in his shirt and tie. And the blue sweatband is incredibly fucking sad yet somehow quite endearing. He even bought a load of them so he can give them away to his adoring public. He gave that to a girl in a wheelchair at full time as he went over to see everyone in the disabled section. It was a nice touch. Then he grabbed an arl fella in a wheelchair and kissed him on the head.

 

It’s really funny how a player who did so little is such a huge legend with the Blues and it basically shows just how little they’ve had to cheer for since the 80s. The way they idolise Ferguson is desperately sad, but it’s nice to see someone interact with his fans the way he has. 

 

I’m sure he’ll get to do it again when the fans turn on Ancelotti and hound him out like they have with everyone they’ve had since Moyes. Eyebrows were certainly raised when they went for him, none more so than from Carlo himself when he saw how much they were offering him.

 

 

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Vardy broke the deadlock with a sensational ‘Vardy goal’ as he ran off the back of Fernandinho and raced through to finish with style. He’d earlier almost picked out Barnes for a tap in and soon after he raced clear again before shooting over. City couldn’t cope with him at all and hopefully we’ll manage him a bit better today.


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Chelsea have been going down on my hate-o-meter for a little while now (not their fans, though), and I find Lampard hard to dislike. Tottenham on the other hand have been very cuntish ever since Pochettino walked through the door, and they're only going to get worse under the present incuntbent.

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On 26/12/2019 at 18:58, tlw content said:

Personally I’d go down the Peter Crouch route and run around the entire perimeter of the pitch slapping hands with everyone, but each to their own. 

 

Putting aside for just a minute the idea of you scoring (there IS an offside law these days), and let's assume you did. A big ask, but bear with me on this. The entire perimeter. The games are only 90 minutes. I'm not sure this is going to be the footballing spectacle people will want to see. 

 

On 26/12/2019 at 18:58, tlw content said:

If City go on one of their mad winning runs though then they’re a much bigger danger than Leicester. Ultimately though it’s in our own hands and we shouldn’t be concerning ourselves too much with what these two are doing.

Bang on the money. Feels a bit different this morning after the Wolves/City result yesterday, eh? 

 

 

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11 hours ago, rb14 said:

Putting aside for just a minute the idea of you scoring (there IS an offside law these days), and let's assume you did. A big ask, but bear with me on this. The entire perimeter. The games are only 90 minutes. I'm not sure this is going to be the footballing spectacle people will want to see. 

 

Bang on the money. Feels a bit different this morning after the Wolves/City result yesterday, eh? 

 

 

 

I'll concede you might have a point on the running around the perimeter of the pitch, but the rest of it is unacceptable. 

 

I don't mind you lying about your age, or about bleaching your hair, but don't be spreading mistruths about my goalscoring prowess. I was prolific. Left foot, right foot, headers, didn't matter, I could do it all. You know because you saw it often enough.

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, dave u said:

I don't mind you lying about your age, or about bleaching your hair, but don't be spreading mistruths about my goalscoring prowess. 

 

 

Bloody ell Barb. And I thought I was the bitchy queen. 

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