Premier League Round Up (Dec 7-9 2019)

[tlw content]

Finally something for the Blues to smile about, as they got a much needed - and widely unexpected - win over Chelsea at Goodison. Big Dunc’s at the wheel, he’s doing his thing man. Get that contract on the table now.

 

He’s going to be in charge of their next game too but it’s assumed that a permanent appointment will be made in a couple of weeks. There’s still talk that it might be Moyes, which if true just shows what a massive fucking shithouse he is.

 

If it’s him, why wouldn’t he have taken the job immediately? If the new man doesn’t come in until after this little run of games against the big boys is over, then he’s a fucking coward. And from Everton’s point of view, if they have a deal done and are just biding their time, they’re taking a massive risk because what if Big Dunc wins all of those games?

 

Unlikely, yes, but not impossible. We’ve seen plenty of “new manager bounce” situations before, and Everton’s players definitely responded to him against Chelsea. 

 

There was a clear change in what they did. They basically just went alehouse. 4-4-2 and lots of long balls to Calvert-Lewin who battered the two Chelsea centre backs all day. The rest of the team fed off that and it was proper dogs of war stuff. Hopefully they keep that up and Ferguson gets the job full time, because it would be great fun watching that all unravel.

 

Things had gotten so completely out of hand at Everton that it had reached a point where it just didn't feel right mocking them, but maybe if they get a little new lease of life for a few weeks under Dunc I'll feel less of an arlarse taking the piss?

 

His Mr Motivator style could get them some nice short term results but there’s nothing in the world can convince me that Duncan is going to have the tactical acumen to be a long term success in that job. 

 

It’d be like us giving the job to Andy Carroll, because that’s basically who he is. Big hard target man, injury prone, likes a pint, sledge hammer left foot, scored a few derby goals…. one club’s flop is another club’s legend. Vive le difference!

 

You know what though? I kind of felt happy for Ferguson. Seriously, I did. I’m not taking the piss. When he was celebrating the goals by hugging the ball boys, there was a part of me that felt pleased for him as that kind of unbridled joy and emotion is what football should be all about. Good for him.

 

Everton being Everton though, it was still cringey as fuck at times. I couldn’t stop laughing at some of the things I saw. It sounded like they actually have their own recording of “Go West”. Did they record it specifically for this game, or did they dust it off from back when he was a player?

 

It was played before and after kick off, and Kenwright, God love him, was joining in with it. He was sat there joining in with all the songs in fact (unlike Moshiri, or ‘Mister’ Moshiri as the Blues all bizarrely call him), and if he’d had a piano in front of him you’d have sworn it was Elton John.

 

Chelsea seemed to be unprepared for Everton’s intensity and they were basically just outfought. They played some nice football and for long periods I thought they’d go on to win the game, but in the end Everton just wanted it more. 

 

Richarlison had put them ahead early, and two Calvert-Lewin strikes either side of an effort from Kovacic (the one Chelsea player who really looked good) gave them a deserved three points that took them out of the bottom three into 14th. It’s tight as fuck down there and no-one in the bottom half can feel safe.

 

Lampard was livid afterwards and so he should be. His team played like Arsenal, and no-one wants that. Maybe he should have had them better prepared though? Getting bullied by Calvert-Lewin and his overly snug little tightey whitey shorts just should never happen. 

 

Big Dunc was kicking every ball (as opposed to every opponent) on the touchline and the Blues were loving it, even though they’ve spent the last three years sneering about Klopp doing it. Hypocrites.

 

You know what the funniest thing about the whole game was though? At the end when Dunc was celebrating and clenching his fists, and we saw that he was actually wearing fucking sweatbands on his wrists! Bet he had shinnies on too, the mad bastard.

 

He was holding back tears at full time when he went onto the pitch and everyone was singing his name. Normally I’d find something snarky to say about that, but I’m getting soft in my old age as when I saw it my reaction was “ah that’s a nice moment for him”.

 

When did I mellow towards him? I couldn’t stand him when he played, yet here I am being pleased for him because he’s led them to victory as a manager. I think it might be the whole ‘beating the shit out of burglars’ thing that won me over. So yeah, turns out I don’t dislike Duncan Ferguson anymore. Who knew?

 

You know who I do have complete disdain for these days though? Theo Walcott. I’m not even sure why. He’s a complete irrelevance, the most pointless player in football, and he shot;don’t even be on my radar. Yet any time I look at him now I’m just full of contempt. 

 

Just look at the fucking state of him, groomed to within an inch of his fucking life. Maybe spend less time manicuring the hair and beard and more time practising your shooting, you fucking useless, under-achieving turd. He should still be at Arsenal really, because he’s just about the most Arsenal player ever. 

 

 

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[alles ist gut]

Repped for the top, top crying bastard analysis.

[rb14]

2 hours ago, tlw content said:

...Calvert-Lewin and his overly snug little tightey whitey shorts...

Pics or gtfo. 

[index1000]

Big Dunc and the BS remind me of this for some reason...

 

[StevieMax]

You're right, Dave, Everton just out-mithered Chelsea - and Chelsea had little answer to it.  All 3 goals were like David Luiz hadn't left the club. And it was great to see the passion of Big Dunc - he'd have his heart on his sleeve if it weren't for the sweatbands.

If he keeps the job for much longer, the Goodison Ball Boys will be wanting danger money as some of Dunc's hugs were rib crackers.

[dave u]

The post match interview he did is probably the first time I've ever heard him speak. Can't ever remember seeing him talk before.

[Dr Nowt]

Eyes like Tyson Fury that night he fought Wlad.

[JustTosh]

What a nice report. Big Dunk and Ole at the wheel, top notch guys both of them apparently. How enlightening it is to know.

Brings back memories of other genuinely nice people.  Remember Peter Scudamore who unselfishly increased the TV-rights market to our benefit, and all we could do in return was to give him a 50M £ farewell gift. Still no complaints from the gentleman. What a guy. And Sir Alex. Remember how he used to invite our manager to a glass of red wine after beating us at Old Trafford. His fiercest rivals, right into his own home! Brings a tear to my eye.

So many top blokes go around unnoticed. Keep up the good work Dave.

[dave u]

I like Frank Lampard too these days *shrugs*

[aws]

22 minutes ago, dave u said:

I like Frank Lampard too these days *shrugs*

He's manged to deflect your antipathy? 

[Whelan5]

15 hours ago, dave u said:

I like Frank Lampard too these days *shrugs*

Bet Xabi hasn't forgiven him. Snide little chelsea pox.. bring back angry Dave. 

[Anubis]

Fuck Duncan Ferguson. He’s a prick, and no amount of hugging ball boys will change that. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

On 14/12/2019 at 10:34, Anubis said:

Fuck Duncan Ferguson. He’s a prick, and no amount of hugging ball boys will change that. 

 

Yeah, his true colours came to the fore in how he treated that 19 year old lad, Keane. I dare say by the end of that cup tie (if he's still at the helm) Dave may be seeing things in a different light. 

[dave u]

What if the lad wasn't carrying out the instructions he gave him? 

 

I'm gonna need more than that to make me go back to hating him!

[TheBitch]

6 minutes ago, dave u said:

What if the lad wasn't carrying out the instructions he gave him? 

 

I'm gonna need more than that to make me go back to hating him!

 

Who the hell is this jabroni and what has he done with Dave?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

2 hours ago, dave u said:

What if the lad wasn't carrying out the instructions he gave him? 

 

I'm gonna need more than that to make me go back to hating him!

 

Surely he gets the team Captain to have words with him and guide him. Plus why put him on the pitch in the first place, he's obviously took charge of the young lad in training and must know that he's fragile and searching to fit into the club and on the pitch. Just seemed like a hatchet job to me. 

 

I don't hate Ferguson myself mate, he hasn't done anything of note in football to warrant giving a fuck about in all honesty. I think he's a bit of a cunt though.