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Premier League Round Up (Nov 8-10 2019)

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This week’s round up will be like the semi-final stages of the Champions League - a Man City free-zone. We played them on Sunday so that was covered in the match report. All the fall out from it - and there's a lot - will be in “the week that was” due to be posted up at the weekend, so this will cover all the other games.

 

May as well kick things off with the two sides who are now the closest of the chasing pack. First up, Chelsea beat Palace in the early game to temporarily go second.

 

Kevin Abraham broke the deadlock in the second half with a composed finish and Pulisic wrapped it up late on to give Chelsea six league wins on the spin. They haven’t played anyone decent in those six games, but you still have to win and they have.

 

Pulisic is looking really good now and Lampard has introduced another youngster into the side, Reece James, who  was terrific and completely shut down Wilf Zaha. He probably shouldn’t be allowed to play again until he’s been the barbers though. Dreadful state of affairs that. It looks like a tarantula orgy.

 

Reece_James_UCL.jpeg

 

James’ hairstyle apart, Chelsea are looking good and next up they’ve got a certain side who I’m not talking about, which could be a cracker of a game. Defensively they’re suspect but they’re great going forward and their style is attractive to watch. If they get it right tactically and that’s going to be interesting.

 

Palace were shite, because Palace are shite. Been saying it all season, but it’s only a matter of time until they’re in the bottom six.

 

Chelsea’s stint in second spot was short lived as Leicester rolled over Arsenal to leapfrog them. Arsenal losing again was no surprise though. It was away and they travel about as well as BA Baracus, plus Leicester are much better than them. Throw in the fact they were up against Jamie Vardy, a man who has embarrassed the Gunners in recent years almost as frequently as Arsenal Fan TV, and there was nothing down for them really.

 

Leicester smacked them around and it was far easier than the 2-0 score suggested. Arsenal only had one shot I think. They were pitiful. They were lucky not to concede an early pen when Guendouzi grabbed Soyuncu by the shoulder as he attacked a set-piece. VAR didn’t over-rule the ref on that, which again just makes you wonder what’s going on. It’s 100% a penalty and it deserved to be punished for sheer stupidity alone. How are they not giving that?

 

Maybe they were influence by the likelihood that Soyuncu wasn’t even going to reach the ball, but that makes what Guendouzi did even worse. How thick do you need to be to do that? That incident was Arsenal in a fucking nutshell though. They do shit like this every week. If it’s not Xhaka it’s David Luiz. If it’s not David Luiz it’s Guendouzi. Next week it will be Torreira or Bellerin or Kolasinic or Mustafi. They must have the thickest squad of players in the league. Absolutely no discipline whatsoever.

 

 

This is just a teaser, click here to view the full article

 

Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

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Is it always pissing it down in Leicester? Yes. Yes it is. Sheffield and Doncaster have had flooding but it wouldn't surprise me if Leicester has recorded more rainfall over that period.

 

Your mum's quoted about Tom Davies is brilliant. I reckon he should go the whole hog and grow dreadlocks so he can complete the "drinks wheatgrass juice, eats alfalfa burgers and stinks of weed" look. Like that Ethan Ampadu jabroni at Chelsea.

 

Speaking of shit haircuts, what about Declan Rice and his Lloyd Christmas do?

 

I made the argument recently for a player's standing foot being the decisive indicator for VAR offside calls. It's a far better suggestion than trying to identify whose toenail is furthest forward or whose left pube is sticking out more. Mind you, the VAR officials still need to understand what a vertical line actually is.

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Re the standing foot used as an indicator, there will be times when both attacker's feet are off the grass when a player passes towards them. Not sure that will work.

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2 hours ago, lebron said:

Re the standing foot used as an indicator, there will be times when both attacker's feet are off the grass when a player passes towards them. Not sure that will work.

 

In those rare situations you go with whichever foot is closest to the goal then.

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Yeah I'm working on it now, but virtually every single day is about City. I'm not happy about that, but there's fuck all else been going on this week.

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2 hours ago, lebron said:

Re the standing foot used as an indicator, there will be times when both attacker's feet are off the grass when a player passes towards them. Not sure that will work.

 

How often will the receiving player be airborne BEFORE the ball is played towards him? Technology or not, we're still at the mercy of gravity!

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46 minutes ago, suzy said:

Great stuff, lots of laugh out loud moments but I especially loved ‘ a Claude Puell if you like’

Totally agree - I'm going to have to re-read the whole round-up to see which bits were funniest!

Dave's Mum is currently favourite.

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1 hour ago, Trumo said:

 

How often will the receiving player be airborne BEFORE the ball is played towards him? Technology or not, we're still at the mercy of gravity!

Well, if they are running at full pelt, pretty often I would say. Seeing as the technology/cameras have trouble isolating the contact time/point with the ball, this may not be a feature yet. If they start using better cameras/slo-mo technology we'll see it often enough for the "front/standing foot" to have to (as Dave says) be defined as the foot furthest forward.

 

Personally thought the offside thing was the best/only working thing with VAR, as it removed the possibility for any bias from the refs. The Ajax-Chelsea game, and Atkinson's manipulation with Firmino's Villa "offside" has made a mockery of that too. Until the tech is 100 % reliable I'm in favour of scrapping it, but seems there's no turning back now...

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22 minutes ago, dave u said:

I liked my opening line, but you all just carry on praising my mum instead. I don't care.

giphy.gif

 

 

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7 hours ago, TheBitch said:

But not wholly unexpected is it. 

Nope. Just look what happened with Jason Puncheon, who now lives in a sleeping bag on London’s pavements, begging for spare change and permanently sozzled on cheap cider. All because Dave discarded him.

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A number of fine killer lines this week.

 

The opening line was a gem. Revisited only to twist the knife twice, for effect. 

 

Next up was the one about Vardy embarrassing Arsenal almost as many times as Arsenal Fan TV. They will, however, always maintain that lead, despite fierce competition from their own players, never mind the opposition.

 

Arsenal took another hit, as a prospective buyer for Deulofeu, a shortarse who offers nothing defensively. Fuck them, they deserve it.

 

Claude Puel may be gone, but his name lingers on for another good hit.

 

Life wouldn't be the same without mentioning the lovely neighbours, lest they feel excluded from the barbs. In reference to another story involving him this week, I reckon the only way Tom Davies could compete with Gerrard, is as a fishing rod wielding garden gnome. There was always a risk that such a day would come, when one of theirs would be considered better than Gerrard. What a time to be alive!

 

 

 

 

 

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11 hours ago, Anubis said:

Nope. Just look what happened with Jason Puncheon, who now lives in a sleeping bag on London’s pavements, begging for spare change and permanently sozzled on cheap cider. All because Dave discarded him.

 

An outrageous slur!

 

I never turned my back on J-Punch. If he was still playing in the PL and providing reason for me to mention him, he'd still be 'my boy Jason Puncheon' and will forever be thus.

 

And Son was never 'my boy'.

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On 16/11/2019 at 17:22, Chocoholic said:

A number of fine killer lines this week.

 

The opening line was a gem. Revisited only to twist the knife twice, for effect. 

 

Next up was the one about Vardy embarrassing Arsenal almost as many times as Arsenal Fan TV. They will, however, always maintain that lead, despite fierce competition from their own players, never mind the opposition.

 

Arsenal took another hit, as a prospective buyer for Deulofeu, a shortarse who offers nothing defensively. Fuck them, they deserve it.

 

Claude Puel may be gone, but his name lingers on for another good hit.

 

Life wouldn't be the same without mentioning the lovely neighbours, lest they feel excluded from the barbs. In reference to another story involving him this week, I reckon the only way Tom Davies could compete with Gerrard, is as a fishing rod wielding garden gnome. There was always a risk that such a day would come, when one of theirs would be considered better than Gerrard. What a time to be alive!

 

 

 

 

 

After a re-read I agree with most of this.

 

The first line was such a killer - just like a Bobby flick on the edge of the box - so good you have to look at it again & again to realise the brilliance.

 

No one else seems to have noticed "tarantula orgy" - come on - Dave even posted a picture!!

 

And as for the West Ham keeper being in the Witness Protection Program - it's so surreal it could actually be true (hidden in plain sight)

 

But the best line of the week still belongs to Dave's Mum! Such imagery!!

 

 

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