Premier League Round Up (Aug 23-25 2019)

[tlw content 9,570]

The weekend kicked off on Friday night, with Everton having the chance to knock us off top spot. All they had to do was beat winless, newly promoted Aston Villa. An easy task for the big spending Blues, the team tipped by many to be the biggest threat to the big six this year. Well, at least that’s what you’d think if you believed the hype about them.

 

They’re about as much of a threat to the top six as I am to Rafa Nadal’s hopes of winning another French Open. The Blues are what they are. A mid-table side that will never be good enough to be anything more, and probably won’t ever be bad enough to be anything less. 

 

They deserved to lose at Villa. They were second best and offered very little. Villa played well and they’ve actually started the season looking very competitive. Unfortunately for them they won’t get to play Everton every week and it’s going to be a slog for them. 

 

Everton though. Every year it’s the same. Every year we hear about how good they’re going to be and every year they’re bang average. They’ll win enough home games to keep them in the middle of the table and con their fans into thinking they’re on the right track, but away from home they’ll continue to stink it up.

 

Said it before but it’s worth repeating. Andre Gomes is a massive fraud. I was first alerted to this when everyone seemed to be creaming themselves about him after the Anfield derby. All he did was play a couple of half decent passes while striding around looking handsome. Newsflash, he’s not very good. That’s why he’s at Everton. When you’re that good looking and you’ve got Barcelona on your CV, it’s easy to fool people into thinking you’re better than you are.

 

How the fuck is Richarlison doing it though? He’s never played for Barca and he’s damn sure not handsome. It’s one of life’s great mysteries how he ended up in Brazil’s Copa America squad. I’ve long suspected that they have some equal opportunities scheme whereby shite players are given the same rights as the great ones. 

 

Think about it, Brazil’s squads have always been the same. World Class Superstars with a smattering of “how the fuck did he get in there” turds. It’s been like that as long as I can remember. The 1982 squad had Zico, Eder, Falcao, Socrates, Junior…. and some cart horse up front called Serginho. Kleberson actually won a World Cup. And don’t get me started on Fred, Andre Santos, Jo, Afonso Alves, Roque Junior or that fat lad with the cornrows who warmed United’s bench for a few years.

 

Richarlison is a decent Premier League forward. I’m not telling you he’s completely useless and he’s certainly no Dominic Calvert-Lewin, but he’s a 10 goal a season forward who spends so much time lying on the floor he may as well be a fucking rug. Those cheeky bastards are forever complaining on social media about Salah’s diving, when they’ve got this cunt hurling himself around on a weekly basis.

 

I do look at him sometimes though and think he might look good if he had better players around him, but then if he was as good as some seem to think then he should be standing out anyway, surely? Currently the only thing he stands out for is his constant cheating and his annoying face. I took a dislike to him the first time I saw him (opening day against us, two years ago) and my first impressions are usually pretty reliable.

 

So anyway, the Blues had their chance to go above us but their arses went, as usual. They’ve spent so long in our shadow that any time there’s a chance to emerge from it and have a little frolic in the sunshine, they react like an albino and retreat back into the shade.

 

 

This is just a teaser click to view the full article

 

Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

[Paul 6,606]

Think you’ve gone way overboard with Arsenal there mate. No way will they finish third. 

[Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper 22,023]

Always quite liked Bruce myself as well.

 

Mainly because he’s just self-deprecating and dry-humoured, happily chuckling about himself looking like the elephant man and referring to Ferguson as ‘The Ayatollah’ down the years.

[Tj hooker 1,327]

Been waiting all week for this and it didn't disappoint worth the membership fee on its  own a cracking read 

[dave u 5,170]

2 hours ago, Paul said:

Think you’ve gone way overboard with Arsenal there mate. No way will they finish third. 

Its not a vote for Arsenal, it's a vote against all the others because I don't think any of them can be trusted. Spurs have been terrible so far. Chelsea might be better than people think but the Mancs are garbage.

[Bad Red Bull 292]

4 hours ago, dave u said:

Its not a vote for Arsenal, it's a vote against all the others because I don't think any of them can be trusted. Spurs have been terrible so far. Chelsea might be better than people think but the Mancs are garbage.

Exactly. Though Arsenal are not great, it's a question of who really is gonna challenge them? Rest are all terrible

[Anubis 14,925]

Alas, poor Pukki. And he was doing so well. No quicker way from hero to zero than officially becoming Dave’s boy. Just ask Puncheon and Zaha.

[Mark M 1,308]

2 hours ago, Anubis said:

Alas, poor Pukki. And he was doing so well. No quicker way from hero to zero than officially becoming Dave’s boy. Just ask Puncheon and Zaha.

And just like that... he’s gone from my fantasy football team. Thanks for the heads up Dave 

[The Guest 1,429]

You spent years calling Bruce “Nan’s hair” or something along those lines.  I can see Leicester making the top 4.  Outside the top 2 it’s anyones.  I thought you might have mentioned the shithousing and time wasting by Newcastle.  It was funny watching it happening to Spurs but it’s horrific for the game.  The sooner the game switches to two 30 minute halves with the time only ticking when the ball is in play the better.

[Peter Cormack 89]

The Kane one wasn‘t a stonewall penalty, he slipped on some slobber and fell on top of Lascelles, or to be accurate threw himself on top of him to try to win a pen.

[Paul Wright 29]

Us and Citeh are so far in front of everyone that the next position anyone should be allowed to fill is 7th

[dave u 5,170]

9 hours ago, The Guest said:

You spent years calling Bruce “Nan’s hair” or something along those lines.  I can see Leicester making the top 4.  Outside the top 2 it’s anyones.  I thought you might have mentioned the shithousing and time wasting by Newcastle.  It was funny watching it happening to Spurs but it’s horrific for the game.  The sooner the game switches to two 30 minute halves with the time only ticking when the ball is in play the better.

"Parsnip nose nan's hair', and it wasn't me who came up with that, it was my Sunderland supporting brother in law, I was merely quoting him. He HATES Steve Bruce with a passion. I reckon he's alright.

[Spy Bee 3,190]

So DT isn't a fan of Pukki?

 

United are fucking rubbish. They're circling the plughole and will be for a long time. On Twitter their praising Ole for getting rid of a load of players, but they've replaced them with expensive mediocrity. They are just diseased as a club, and it's beautiful to see.

[The Guest 1,429]

1 hour ago, dave u said:

"Parsnip nose nan's hair', and it wasn't me who came up with that, it was my Sunderland supporting brother in law, I was merely quoting him. He HATES Steve Bruce with a passion. I reckon he's alright.

It’s a fucking great nickname to be fair to him.  I agree with you like.  It’s mad how you can spend years hating these fellas but when they stop playing you can actually mellow to them.  Cantona is another one, although for different reasons.

[dave u 5,170]

4 hours ago, The Guest said:

It’s a fucking great nickname to be fair to him.  I agree with you like.  It’s mad how you can spend years hating these fellas but when they stop playing you can actually mellow to them.  Cantona is another one, although for different reasons.

 

Yeah Cantona is fantastic. 

 

I've warmed to Ferdinand and Lampard too since they retired.

[Anubis 14,925]

Didn’t a couple of lads off here run into Steve Bruce and got chatting to him and he bought them a pint? 

[Pistonbroke 9,628]

This season above all could see a new name making it into the top 4. If it doesn't happen then you'd have to question if it ever will for the foreseeable.  

Ourselves and City are so far ahead of the others that it'll be a two horse race before October is done.

 

3rd and 4th spot could see a fight between 6/7 other clubs. 

 

Spurs seem to be struggling for some reason, although I wouldn't write them off from making 3rd their own.

 

as far as 4th goes.

 

Chelsea will be hit and miss all season. Seams lampard is just trying to blitz teams early on but is naive to fuck in trying to protect a lead. 

Arsenal have a decent forward line but a weakish midfield and a shit defence.

 

Mancs are fucking shit, no creativity in MF unless Pogba puts in a shift. Their forward line is all pace but run out of ideas if they haven't got a clear run at goal. Their defence is still poor, despite splashing over a 100 million on WB and MaGuire. 

 

Wolves are probably best placed squad wise to try and upset the apple cart. They need to cope with European football though.

 

Everton. If they can get their new additions gelling and firing up front they have an outside chance, although with Silva at the helm I doubt they'll finish any higher than 6th. 

 

Leicester, probably the best bet of finishing higher than all of the above bar ourselves and City. They have a decent midfield and are also decent up front. need to sort their defence out a bit, especially away from home. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tj hooker 1,327]

46 minutes ago, Pistonbroke said:

This season above all could see a new name making it into the top 4. If it doesn't happen then you'd have to question if it ever will for the foreseeable.  

Ourselves and City are so far ahead of the others that it'll be a two horse race before October is done.

 

3rd and 4th spot could see a fight between 6/7 other clubs. 

 

Spurs seem to be struggling for some reason, although I wouldn't write them off from making 3rd their own.

 

as far as 4th goes.

 

Chelsea will be hit and miss all season. Seams lampard is just trying to blitz teams early on but is naive to fuck in trying to protect a lead. 

Arsenal have a decent forward line but a weakish midfield and a shit defence.

 

Mancs are fucking shit, no creativity in MF unless Pogba puts in a shift. Their forward line is all pace but run out of ideas if they haven't got a clear run at goal. Their defence is still poor, despite splashing over a 100 million on WB and MaGuire. 

 

Wolves are probably best placed squad wise to try and upset the apple cart. They need to cope with European football though.

 

Everton. If they can get their new additions gelling and firing up front they have an outside chance, although with Silva at the helm I doubt they'll finish any higher than 6th. 

 

Leicester, probably the best bet of finishing higher than all of the above bar ourselves and City. They have a decent midfield and are also decent up front. need to sort their defence out a bit, especially away from home. 

 

 

 

 

 

Good point about the last 2 places in the top 4 being up for grabs , i hadn't really given it much thought before now . 

[Pistonbroke 9,628]

7 minutes ago, Tj hooker said:

Good point about the last 2 places in the top 4 being up for grabs , i hadn't really given it much thought before now . 

As others have also said, it really is wide open mate. If a team like Wolves, Leicester or even Everton can put 4 or 5 victories together they could easily pull away. Spurs, Chelsea Wolves, Mancs and Arsenal also have Europe to contend with. Leicester could easily be the dark horse, plus they have been in that position before. Not for the title, but to nab a top 4 spot this time. 

[Captain Turdseye 10,668]

I’d be happy enough to see Leicester get into the CL again. I don’t mind them at all, even though they are proper spawny cunts for having won the PL before us. 

[deiseach 2,680]

"Opening day against us, two years ago". Watford 3 Liverpool 3, right? The day I concluded that buying that Van Dijk lad from Southampton would make naff all difference because we'd never have a decent defence under Klopp thanks to his kamikaze ways.

 

Shit for brains, me.