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Shit things people do on their hols.

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1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Mate this thread is more Benidorm than Bora Bora. Apart from Doctor Troy who went to Basra by the sounds of it. 

Basra is probably better than Benidorm. 

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1 hour ago, Rico1304 said:

We’ve stayed in a few places where you get allocated sun beds. Saves all that fucking about.  

Allocated someone else’s sunbeds, wasn’t it? The perfect holiday upgrade for those who like burning bank notes in front of the homeless.

 

‘The Tory cunt package sir, wasn’t it?’.

’That’s right’.

’Very good sir. Which one of those bottom-feeders would you like us to tip into the pool to make way for you?’

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On the lazy parent theme, my daughter befriended a Scottish girl the same age on our last holiday. Never saw her parents for about 4 days as they were in the pool on the other side of the hotel away from the water slides. She'd even come and sit with us at dinner. I could have sold her to some people traffickers to pay for my next holiday if I'd thought on. Her parents probably wouldn't have noticed until the coach came to the hotel to take them back to the airport.

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8 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

On the lazy parent theme, my daughter befriended a Scottish girl the same age on our last holiday. Never saw her parents for about 4 days as they were in the pool on the other side of the hotel away from the water slides. She'd even come and sit with us at dinner. I could have sold her to some people traffickers to pay for my next holiday if I'd thought on. Her parents probably wouldn't have noticed until the coach came to the hotel to take them back to the airport.

Mook was probably too busy getting tips off local pest control to look after her, in all fairness. 

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12 hours ago, Seasons said:

Joke thief. 

Sorry. Did a quick scan and must have missed it. I did wonder why nobody has posted it by the time I arrived.

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10 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Sorry. Did a quick scan and must have missed it. I did wonder why nobody has posted it by the time I arrived.

That's alright pig, that's alright. 

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2 hours ago, Seasons said:

That's alright pig, that's alright. 

Thats another moan. 

 

Fat pigs who act like they have never eaten before just because it is a help yourself breakfast buffet. Fucking mountain of food on their plate then back for seconds and wonder why they nearly have about 8 heart attacks during their stay and have to get the flight home diverted because they have farted and shat out a lung in the process. 

 

 

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12 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

That 'blag fanta' actually has about 70% orange juice in it while the 'real stuff' has less than half and the rest is just sugar. Its one of the few good things about those all inclusive hotels.

You've definitely said that to your kids when they've complained haven't you? 

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40 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Say things like “On it like a car bonnet”, “Beer o’clock” or “In there like swimwear” within my earshot.

Still laughing at "in there like swimwear". 

 

Genuinely never heard of the cuntphrase but I will now be using it in match threads whenever we score. 

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5 minutes ago, Seasons said:

Still laughing at "in there like swimwear". 

 

Genuinely never heard of the cuntphrase but I will now be using it in match threads whenever we score. 

Winner winner top binner.

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13 minutes ago, Melchett said:

Play snooker!!

 

Stupid fucking passtime.

What holidays are you going on??? Snooker? 

 

"Janice love, can you put some sunscreen on while I try a tricky pot on the brown" 

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12 minutes ago, Remmie said:

What holidays are you going on??? Snooker? 

 

"Janice love, can you put some sunscreen on while I try a tricky pot on the brown" 

For some reason I read that in a Mancunian accent, probably due to those Boddington adverts with Melanie Sykes.

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Drives me nuts when chaps are playing polo while one jaunts through the gardens of a stately home, gets one's top hat awfully dusty. 

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Engage or embrace other British people as 'if' we're all in it together. Fuck off with your national flag tatt wearing cunt, you massive malignant cancer on my holiday. 

 

Just fuck off you twat from Reading, Carlisle, Newcastle, Exeter, Croydon - to name but a few. Fuck off and drown. 

 

 

The last thing I want to meet on my break from you fucking lot, is you fucking lot. 

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I'm contemplating doing a bit of a mini tour of European cities. On a budget. So all self booked, rather than an organised tour. 

 

Not a gripe about travellers, but airlines. In particular, flight times. There's hardly any in between. It's mainly a choice of having to be at the airport stupid early, or getting to your destination late so you have to pay for an extra nights accommodation without getting any time in your chosen destination on that particular first day. 

 

A nice 11 o'clock flight getting you to your destination at about 1 to 3 o'clock would be just fine. 

 

Awkward fucks! 

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People who ask you how much you paid for your holiday.

 

Usually some old twats who got a last minute deal and got another week for a cheaper cost yet say it in a way thats "oh we must have been lucky" rather than acknowledge you have to book the fucking week off for it months in advance. Blerts. 

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People who tell you about a place they've stayed at. Bang on about it likes it's absolutely amazing, perfect location, boss rooms, breakfast ace and easy to get to. 

 

Then you arrive in some shite 2* equivalent to a Blackpool hotel complete with Tony Jones tribute bands singing until 3am in the morning. 

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3 minutes ago, Nelly-Torres said:

I'm contemplating doing a bit of a mini tour of European cities. On a budget. So all self booked, rather than an organised tour. 

 

Not a gripe about travellers, but airlines. In particular, flight times. There's hardly any in between. It's mainly a choice of having to be at the airport stupid early, or getting to your destination late so you have to pay for an extra nights accommodation without getting any time in your chosen destination on that particular first day. 

 

A nice 11 o'clock flight getting you to your destination at about 1 to 3 o'clock would be just fine. 

 

Awkward fucks! 

Hate that too. The usual holiday routine for us is to get up at 2:30, to leave the house by 3:30, get to Glasgow by 4:30, fly out to wherever at 6-6:30 and land somewhere between 11 and 12 local time. By the time we've got to the hotel, it's usually 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon, everyone's fucked and no one wants to do anything. Alternatively, add about 8 hours onto each of those times, so you're not there until pushing midnight and you've missed an entire day.

 

And that's just a single flight, doing a tour would be a nightmare. You'd be better off getting the train.

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