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Shit things people do on their hols.

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I'll start. 

 

  • Wake up at stupid o'clock to put a towel on a sunbed 
  • Pretend they've lost their child and cause a huge media frenzy. 
  • Allow their kids to kick plane seats/scream/shit themselves and stink the entire plane out. 

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Assume that because you spoke to another person who is staying at the same hotel at the bar, bladdered the night before that you are now inseparable best mates for the remainder of the holiday and they borderline harass you everytime they see you. 

 

Parents who let the kids ruin everyone else's holiday but their own. 

 

Acting like you have been banged-up abroad in the crusades for 10 years when you spot a tin of heinz beans or a pub that serves a roast. 

 

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Assume their suitcases will be gone forever if they don't barge past every cunt to collect it from the carousel as soon as they see it.

 

Put cooking oil on their skin to sun bathe.

 

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Go somewhere expensive and exotic to just to sit by the pool all holiday and never leave the resort.

Eat at McDonalds/KFC

 

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38 minutes ago, Seasons said:

I'll start. 

 

  • Wake up at stupid o'clock to put a towel on a sunbed 
  • Pretend they've lost their child and cause a huge media frenzy. 
  • Allow their kids to kick plane seats/scream/shit themselves and stink the entire plane out. 

Some cunt from a large family did this most days when we were recently abroad- practically battering his way into the pool area as soon as it opened to get to the beds, then throwing down 7-8 towels like he was dealing cards in a Western saloon. Fuck knows why, none of the rest of the cunts ever bothered coming down till gone 3 in the afternoon when there were plenty of free beds anyway.

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On holiday? You have to survive the airport and being hemmed in on a plane with the cunts first.

 

On the flight home this summer a fella next to me had his arm right over into my tiny bit of cattle-class space, elbow jabbing my ribs. Couldn’t be arsed with a row and what comes with that on a plane, so just ran my hand up and down his on the arm rest, giving it a little tickle.

 

He fucked off to another seat shortly after take-off, the selfish quim.

  • Upvote 5

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I stayed at a place in Majorca last year and they had a girl working there who would walk around the pool in the morning taking all the towels off the empty beds and dumping them in a trolley in the hotel foyer. You’d see people look over their balconies and kick off, then come and put their towels back, only for the girl to come around again every 20 minutes and repeat the process. I thought it was great. 

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8 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I stayed at a place in Majorca last year and they had a girl working there who would walk around the pool in the morning taking all the towels off the empty beds and dumping them in a trolley in the hotel foyer. You’d see people look over their balconies and kick off, then come and put their towels back, only for the girl to come around again every 20 minutes and repeat the process. I thought it was great. 

Pics or get your towel to fuck 

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Cunts who clap when the plane lands. I’d not heard this happen in years but a load of cunts on my flight to Croatia last year started to applaud.

 

I wish the fucker had crashed.

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53 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Cunts who clap when the plane lands. I’d not heard this happen in years but a load of cunts on my flight to Croatia last year started to applaud.

 

I wish the fucker had crashed.

Only time I've had that is when an engine failed on the plane halfway across the Atlantic. We were told that we wouldn't make New York, so had to do an emergency landing at the US air force on the Azores. To be fair, I think the applause was justified in that case, although being escorted off by armed military police soured the jubilant mood a tad.

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The mad rush to get on a plane queuing like twats at the departure gate. Your ticket has got your seat number on it, the plane isnt taking off until everyone is on, sit down and chill the fuck out.

 

The mad rush to get off a plane, unless you only have hand luggage you aint getting to your destination any quicker, youve still got to wait for your bags.

 

Twats having a pint at 6.30 am as soon as they hit the airport cos they're on holiday. Same twats later on are in and out of their fucking seats on the plane to get to the bog.

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1 minute ago, A Red said:

The mad rush to get on a plane queuing like twats at the departure gate. Your ticket has got your seat number on it, the plane isnt taking off until everyone is on, sit down and chill the fuck out.

 

The mad rush to get off a plane, unless you only have hand luggage you aint getting to your destination any quicker, youve still got to wait for your bags.

 

Twats having a pint at 6.30 am as soon as they hit the airport cos they're on holiday. Same twats later on are in and out of their fucking seats on the plane to get to the bog.

Agree on the first two. Fucking winds me up that need to rush rush rush. 

 

The last one though.... Cant fly without a drink. Nothing to do with 'holiday mode' and all because I hate flying. 

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2 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Agree on the first two. Fucking winds me up that need to rush rush rush. 

 

The last one though.... Cant fly without a drink. Nothing to do with 'holiday mode' and all because I hate flying. 

Poor bastard sat next to you for 4 hours

 

 

 

 

Image result for airplane film suicide

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Reminds me of flying back from NewYork with my lad we'd done a small upgrade to economy comfort which was 2nd to board behind 1st obviously. 

This woman had been loud when waiting to board telling everyone where she had been too basically being a bore so eventually they call us forward decent sized queue so we hang back till it's virtually zero this woman has joined the line and shows her boarding pass only to get knocked back for only being in economy we laughed like fuck when she passed us about 15 mins later on her way to the back .

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6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Agree on the first two. Fucking winds me up that need to rush rush rush. 

 

The last one though.... Cant fly without a drink. Nothing to do with 'holiday mode' and all because I hate flying. 

Valium or Librium sorted me out. Although the flight for my honeymoon was a 'mare- we had the do on Saturday, then left home at 1 am on the Monday morning to get to Manchester after about 3 hours' sleep. I took my benzos about an hour before the flight was due to go, and it got delayed for 2 hours. They practically had to wheel me on there, I was almost comatose- on the bright side I fell asleep during the take off and woke up just as we were landing...

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7 minutes ago, Mudface said:

Valium or Librium sorted me out. Although the flight for my honeymoon was a 'mare- we had the do on Saturday, then left home at 1 am on the Monday morning to get to Manchester after about 3 hours' sleep. I took my benzos about an hour before the flight was due to go, and it got delayed for 2 hours. They practically had to wheel me on there, I was almost comatose- on the bright side I fell asleep during the take off and woke up just as we were landing...

And you were only going to the Isle of Man.

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