What do you want done with your body when you cark it?

[Redder Lurtz]

Just wondered what the GF's thoughts are. I went to the funeral of one of our regular customers today. Nice old geordie fella called Ernie. Just under 70 years old and cancer got him. He was a regular of ours since day one when we took on a pub that was on its arse right up til he died so I'd known him nearly 4 years. He was buried today.

 

I've been to a numerous funerals but this is the first burial I've been to since I was a young kid and it's really stuck with me. The bloke is quite literally in a box a few feet down, about 5 minutes' drive from my house. Can't seem to get my head round that. We took turns to throw yellow roses onto his coffin and I can't get the vision of that box, so deep in a hole, out of my head. Horrible.

 

I always said I wanted burying but after today I think I want burning and scattering somewhere sentimental. Unlikely I'll ever have the funds to be shot into space so fire it is then I suppose. Apologies for what might appear a somewhat mawkish tone but the reality of mortality hit me quite hard today, along with that vision of Ernie's box. Currently sipping a couple of large g&t's on my patio whilst I contemplate the day's events. 

 

What say you, GF?

[Pureblood]

I want to be eaten alive by an apex predator. 

[Section_31]

Donated to medical students on the strict proviso only fit birds are allowed to work on me. There'll be a sensor and a steel rod in my cock though and it'll begin expanding exponentially to the point where they have to bang on the door to be rescued by security. At this point the cock's built in sound system will start playing a recording of The Emperor laughing. 

[Redder Lurtz]

1 minute ago, TK421 said:

I want to be eaten alive by an apex predator. 

Invalid response, soldier. AFTER you've carked it, not how you want to die. 

[Pureblood]

3 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

Invalid response, soldier. AFTER you've carked it, not how you want to die. 

Same answer.  Feed me to a saltwater croc. 

[Nunavut Patrick]

Cremated and shot out of a canon 

[Lee909]

Medical science 

Signed something a while back. 

Im already in the medical text from a few years back, the surgeons that worked in me used my case in some big medical conferences. 

[Jose Jones]

Heard the other day that you can now get your dead self turned into compost.  That way when you get sprinkled on the flowers it does a better job than the more traditional ash.

 

However I reckon I might go for entombed in ice in the antarctic - preferably in some sort of ice cave so that when a lost explorer 300 years into the future takes refuge in the cave, looks around with their torch they see my grinning deadness waving at them from behind the ice wall. 

 

A mate of mine did a PhD at Cambridge and he reckoned that one of the original heads of the college had himself pickled and every year at the annual college formal dinner he was wheeled out and sat at the head of the table.  That would be pretty good too.

[Pureblood]

8 minutes ago, Jose Jones said:

Heard the other day that you can now get your dead self turned into compost.  That way when you get sprinkled on the flowers it does a better job than the more traditional ash.

 

However I reckon I might go for entombed in ice in the antarctic - preferably in some sort of ice cave so that when a lost explorer 300 years into the future takes refuge in the cave, looks around with their torch they see my grinning deadness waving at them from behind the ice wall. 

 

A mate of mine did a PhD at Cambridge and he reckoned that one of the original heads of the college had himself pickled and every year at the annual college formal dinner he was wheeled out and sat at the head of the table.  That would be pretty good too.

 

[Redder Lurtz]

Leave my body to medical science

If medical science will have me 

They can take my lungs and kidneys

But my heart belongs to Daphne DAPHNE

[polymerpunkah]

 

 

Cremation, ashes spread at a certain spot out in the woods near where I live, and a small stone at the cemetary with most of the rest of my family in the town where I grew up.

 

 

[Bobby Hundreds]

My ashes thrown into the eyes of Gary Wilmot.

[KMD7]

Buried.

[Davelfc]

One of the biggest rip offs in society is the crazy cost of funerals. 

 

So for me I'd just prefer it if the hospital disposed of my body, donating any parts they could. My family could then have a send off (not religious) for me without the cost of storing a corpse in a freezer and then transporting it in a box. 

 

Undertakers are on my list, the rip off bastards. 

 

The send off could be as soon as possible, not four fucking weeks later. 

[Bjornebye]

I want to be cryogenically frozen so I can eventually get to see how the 3 sea shells work 

[Mudface]

7 hours ago, Nunavut Patrick said:

Cremated and shot out of a canon 

Is that a member of the clergy or a camera? Could be tricky either way.

[Jose Jones]

I reckon @Mook should go for taxidermy centaur.

[Mook]

6 minutes ago, Jose Jones said:

I reckon @Mook should go for taxidermy centaur.

Fantastic suggestion although I don't like horses so the legs of a giraffe & suspended from the roof of my house as a warning to potential suitors of my wife.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I often tell the missus to just put me in a bin liner and throw me in the lake. Neither of us are religious and neither are any of the kids, none were baptised as we thought they could make their own mind up as they got older. We don't believe in having a headstone to grieve either, plus the costs of having a plot, the headstone and the actual funeral are a fucking joke, you then have to spend time keeping the thing tidy or pay some Church gardener a fortune to do it for you. Memories are in the mind or in your photo collection. 

 

I honestly couldn't give a fuck, as I'll be dead anyway. So the cheapest way possible. The Mother in Law has already paid for her own funeral, as did my own mother. Seriously looking at doing that myself. 

[Anubis]

 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I might E-mail that Elon Musk fellow and ask if he wants to strap my dead body into the next car he shoots off into space. 

[Davelfc]

http://resomation.com

 

The process is based on alkaline hydrolysis: the body is placed in a pressure vessel that is then filled with a mixture of water and potassium hydroxide, and heated to a temperature around 160 °C (320 °F), but at an elevated pressure, which prevents boiling. Instead, the body is effectively broken down into its chemical components, which takes approximately four to six hours. A lower temperature and pressure may be used, but at a longer duration (98 °C (208 °F), 14 to 16 hours).^[5] At the beginning of the process, the mixture is strongly basic, with a pH level of approximately 14; pH drops to 11 by the end, but the final pH level depends on the total operation time and the amount of fat in the body.^[6]

 

 

The end result is a quantity of green-brown tinted liquid (containing amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts) and soft, porous white bone remains (calcium phosphate) easily crushed in the hand (although a cremulator is more commonly used) to form a white-colored dust. The "ash" can then be returned to the next of kin of the deceased. The liquid is disposed of either through the sanitary sewer system, or through some other method, including use in a garden or green space.^{[citation needed]} To dispose of 1,000 pounds (450 kg), approximately 60–240 US gallons (230–910 l; 50–200 imp gal) of water are used, resulting in 120–300 US gallons (450–1,140 l; 100–250 imp gal) of effluent, which carries a dried weight of 20 pounds (9.1 kg) (approximately 2% of original weight).^[6]

 

This alkaline hydrolysis process has been championed by a number of ecological campaigning groups,^[7] for using 90 kW-hr of electricity,^[8] one-quarter the energy of flame-based cremation and producing less carbon dioxide and pollutants.^[2][4] It also produces no mercury emissions.^[9] It is being presented as an alternative option at some British crematorium sites.^[10] As of August 2007, about 1,000 people had chosen this method for the disposition of their remains in the United States.^[11] Excluding the capital investment cost of equipment, the operating cost of materials, maintenance, and labor associated with the disposal of 2,000 pounds (910 kg) of remains was estimated at $116.40.^[6]

 

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Norrarsed.

 

Any bits that can be used should be used; the rest can go to smoke or compost.

[M_B]

Burnt on a funeral pyre like a Viking king.

 

Never really understood the logic of spending a grand on a coffin which you then burn or shove in the ground.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Hahaha, just put Sky on for the Cricket (stream) and the first thing I get to watch is a Royal London advert banging on about funerals. 

 

It reminds me of a story in 85 whilst stationed in Canada. We were watching the cup final in the unmentionable between the mancs and Bitters and at some random point the Canadian broadcaster just fucked off to adverts whilst the game was still going on. Advert after advert about fucking Funerals. Came back to the match and we'd missed the only goal.