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How long do you take having a shit?

How long do you take having a shit?  

33 members have voted

  1. 1. How long do you take having a shit?

    • Under five minutes
    • Five to ten minutes
    • Ten to fifteen minutes
    • Fifteen to twenty minutes
    • Over twenty minutes


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Obviously sitting on the bog for a shit is one of the greatest pleasures known to man. I get moaned at every time I go for the length of time I take. 

 

What’s the optimal time for having a shit? Any less than ten minutes for me and I feel too rushed and unfulfilled, between 15-20 minutes is my average I reckon.

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On a Sunday night with the bath running I could take half an hour. Any other time it depends what threads have got that shit ‘hot’ symbol next to them on here. 

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About five or six years ago, I went for a shit at about 9am, promptly deposited a sizeable log into the pan, then sat there, reading a book, browsing the internet and watching a film on my tablet, until about 7 or 8pm, before wiping my arse. 

 

 

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Under three minutes for me, I've had a bit of a phobia of sitting on the toilet since I was wee so the sooner I can lay a cable & get the fuck out of there, the better.

 

I'd sooner read a book or look at my phone on the couch thanks very much.

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15-20 minutes. I have this thing about wanting to fully empty my guts before either going work or going out. Definite issues about being caught short away from home.

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11 minutes ago, Mook said:

Under three minutes for me, I've had a bit of a phobia of sitting on the toilet since I was wee so the sooner I can lay a cable & get the fuck out of there, the better.

 

I'd sooner read a book or look at my phone on the couch thanks very much.

 

Is that because you knew you'd get wiped up?

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58 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

About five or six years ago, I went for a shit at about 9am, promptly deposited a sizeable log into the pan, then sat there, reading a book, browsing the internet and watching a film on my tablet, until about 7 or 8pm, before wiping my arse. 

 

 

One of the best ever posts on here that.

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1 hour ago, Elite said:

About 5 minutes. 

 

I do like having a bit of a lie down afterwards

Not only are you a gold plated bladder fuck, your colon powers out meatloaf's daughter quicker than my reaching vinegar strokes over Jessica Rabbit. 

 

Your kind sicken me. 

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I luxuriate over mine. The median is probably 30 mins but often known to be in excess of an hour.

 

Proper get a mood on if anyone tries to talk to me while I’m in there as well. A crasser display of social etiquette than sounding a klaxon during a minute’s silence.

 

Unless a baby is on fire and you lack access to a rudimentary means of extinguishing the blaze, seriously fuck off and cease intruding on the sanctity of my shit. 

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52 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

One of the best ever posts on here that.

My wife has just reminded me that we were living in London then. She left the house just as I was sitting down to drop my guts, went shopping in Oxford Street, then on to the Designer Outlet in Ashford, Kent, which is about an hour train journey from St Pancras, and I was still on the bog when she got home.

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4 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

My wife has just reminded me that we were living in London then. She left the house just as I was sitting down to drop my guts, went shopping in Oxford Street, then on to the Designer Outlet in Ashford, Kent, which is about an hour train journey from St Pancras, and I was still on the bog when she got home.

If the honours system wanted even a semblance of credibility her husband would be acknowledged by it immediately.

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2 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

About five or six years ago, I went for a shit at about 9am, promptly deposited a sizeable log into the pan, then sat there, reading a book, browsing the internet and watching a film on my tablet, until about 7 or 8pm, before wiping my arse. 

 

 

You must have had a ready supply of biscuits in the bog then tony.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

If the honours system wanted even a semblance of credibility her husband would be acknowledged by it immediately.

 

"Arise, Sir Moanero."

 

"No thanks, yer Maj. I'm still curling one out."

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During last year's CL final I was cat sitting for a friend.  I'd been schmoking during the day and had quite the appetite.  I ate fucking loads.  I ate tuna mayo sandwiches for lunch and a diabolo Pizza Express pizza for dinner just before the match, but that was just the main meals.  On the snack side of things I ate about six packets of Nik-Naks and most of the large sweety jar that was kept in the lounge.  Then, when the match started going wrong, I started comfort eating and turned to the nuts.  What a mistake.  They had full packets of most of your commonly known nuts:  Brazil, pistachio, walnuts, macadamia... you name it, they had it.  I stuffed my fat little face full of the fuckers.  On top of all that I had about six beers and I'm sure I had other snacks like the odd biscuit or sausage roll.

 

As the famous Mudhoney once said, when tomorrow hits it'll hit you hard.  It started out okay.  I recounted what I'd eaten the day before and braced myself for a long session.  But I had no idea.  By midday, I'd been about four or five times and it's around then that the novelty started to wear off and the pain kicked in.  I just couldn't stay away from the toilet.  With my ring stinging from the alcohol and diabolo pizza (they are hot) I started passing what seemed like a never ending supply of shards of nuts.  By this point I was actually saying out loud "this is the worst day of my life", and it was.  On and on it went.  The pain was excruciating and, in my humble opinion, must have been similar to giving birth.  Each time I went was more painful that the one preceding it.  Masses of undigested nuts continued to scrape through my colon, leaving traces of nut shards and blood on the toilet paper.  I felt like I was being bum fucked by that devil thing from Jacob's ladder.  This went on all day and into the early evening.  At around 5pm I was desperate to feel something against my bum which wasn't a nut, so I ran a bath and hopped in, in the hope that the water would provide some relief from the pain but it was a crude and ineffective solution.  I kept having to return to the throne for the latest round of nut hell.  Eventually, at about 8pm, after another agonising nutshit, I collapsed into bed and fell asleep for an hour from the exhaustion of it all.  When I woke up the ordeal still wasn't over, and I had to have one final plop.

 

The end. 

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