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Premier League Round Up (May 3-5 2019)

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The top four positions are virtually decided now, but what a sorry, half arsed, pathetic excuse for a ‘fight’ we saw from Spurs, Arsenal, the Mancs and (to a lesser extent) Chelsea to secure third and fourth spots. 
Chelsea haven’t been good, but at least they managed to hold it together and didn't completely shit down their own legs like the other three. Over the last few weeks the North London clubs and United have been losing more games than the relegated sides. Just an absolute shambles.
Three of the four have European finals to look forward to though. Meanwhile, United are busy trying to decide which ex player they should make Director of Football. I've seen Rio Ferdinand and Darren Fletcher both mentioned. Maybe they should give it to Federico Macheda or Mark Robins? After all, they gave the manager's job to one supersub, so why not double down on it?
They're shite. They couldn’t even beat Huddersfield this weekend. They scored first which makes it even worse. Mbenza equalised when a long ball from the keeper eluded Fat Luke Shaw and sent him clear.
Shaw was an embarrassment. A big, fat, waddling around the field, mess. £30m he cost. Mourinho took a lot of shit for how he handled Shaw (I ripped him in these round ups too) but he was clearly right.
That porky little waster isn't fit enough to play at this level. No wonder Mourinho was so complimentary of Robbo after the game at Anfield. That must have been like going to watch a Beyonce concert and then having to go home to Jo Brand.
As shit as they were, United still should have won because Huddersfield are bottom for a reason. Pogba hit the bar twice and some might call that unlucky, but it's Mr Style Over Substance himself we're talking about. He probably did it deliberately because hitting the crossbar ‘looks cool’.
I’m going to tell you something now that might surprise you. I quite like Solskjaer, and not just because he’s in over his head. He actually seems a decent enough fella and my disdain for him has waned a lot since his playing days. I want to hate him but he’s making it difficult by being so damn decent. I'm sure the mask will slip eventually though.
So anyway, that was United's top four hopes down the shitter, and Arsenal’s are just about still hanging around at the bottom of the bowl, waiting for one final flush send them round the u-bend.



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Having flashbacks after the Kompany thing, as I'm still fuming that that big galoot, Damien Delaney's only ever shot on target in his career flew past Simon for the start of the Palace comeback the last time we were in the race.

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That Luke Shaw thing is interesting. It's amazing how many United fans slated him last week, and then he was given player of the year! It's incredible how bad they've been. Before they could at least have given De Gea the award, but he's been so bad now they can't even do that.


By the way I know a way Chelsea can overcome the transfer ban and sign about 40 players, recall all the guys out on loan. And no, 40 is not an exaggeration, it's actually 43. I've counted it on Wikipedia (Yes, I know, my life is sad etc)

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I saw a clip posted by a United fan on twitter of Shaw just loafing around not tracking back, and then when his team-mates held up the attack he was just ambling around with the most half hearted press you'll ever see.


You never, ever see our players doing that but if they did they'd never do it again, because Klopp and his analysts would be all over that shit.


United's players are metaphorically fat and lazy, and in Shaw's case he's literally both. 

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