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“WHAT A KNOBHEAD! KNOBHEADS EVERYWHERE...”


Captain Turdseye
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My one is "Fucking dickhead"

 

I had a pretty close call a few weeks ago on speke boulevard as I was driving towards the airport  i was in the right hand lane and some stupid cunt undertook me and cut me up almost going directly into the side of me and would have if I hadn't have slammed on. 

 

I get to the lights and pull up alongside said dickhead and surprise surprise it's a bird who looks like she has the attention span of a goldfish. 

 

 

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The other day I was turning right off the road I was already on, when a fella coming from that direction tried to effectively pull out straight into my side, before screwing me up and waving his hands about shouting at me for having the temerity to be on his road.

 

I’d already had the window half open and slowing to a stop said to him “Are you a fucking twat, mate?” then before he could reply said “I’ll answer that for you; you are indeed.”

 

Had a friend in the car who pissed herself laughing at me. Even I had to chuckle at my own monstrous self-righteousness, as we waited for the ambulance crew to come and patch my face up.

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Pulled onto Edge lane off St Oswald yesterday and some cunt swerved across the road without indicating right in-front of us. Beeped like fuck and he held his hands up as if to say "what?" , cunt soon shit himself when he realised we were pulling into the retail park right behind him. He made sure he parked well away from us. prick. 

 

That was the shout."prick". 

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18 minutes ago, Captain Howdy said:

I always think dick head said slowly and with particular emphasis on separating the two words works quite well

On your own with that one, fella. I bet most people look at you like you've just forgotten how to use profanity. 

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7 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

The other day I was turning right off the road I was already on, when a fella coming from that direction tried to effectively pull out straight into my side, before screwing me up and waving his hands about shouting at me for having the temerity to be on his road.

 

I’d already had the window half open and slowing to a stop said to him “Are you a fucking twat, mate?” then before he could reply said “I’ll answer that for you; you are indeed.”

 

Had a friend in the car who pissed herself laughing at me. Even I had to chuckle at my own monstrous self-righteousness, as we waited for the ambulance crew to come and patch my face up.

Didn't know you lived near Bjornebye. 

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I’ve just remembered an incident that happened before I learned to drive. Mrs Turdseye was driving and I was sat in the passenger seat. There’s a roundabout near ours that’s notorious for people not indicating because people barely use one of the three exits.

 

Well this day we were using that one exit and an old lady, must have been 80 at least, pulled right out in front of us and both her and Mrs Turdseye quickly slammed on. Mrs Turdseye leaned on the horn and gave it “The fuck are you doing?” type thing and then up slowly came this old dear’s long wrinkly middle finger and she zoomed off. 

 

Having never experienced road rage myself before, I thought it was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen and burst out laughing. My bird wasn’t quite as amused though and angrily went all the way round the roundabout and set off in hot pursuit. What followed was a couple of minutes of us driving behind her, my bird with a face like thunder and me laughing hysterically, asking what she had planned when we got back to the Granny’s house. 

 

She eventually calmed down, stopped tailing her and we went on with our day but even now, years later, the memory of that middle finger salute still cracks me up.  

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