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Cheese on toast

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1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

Poached eggs are simple. Boil some water then pour into the pan. Turn the heat up.  Add a splash of vinegar. Keep it boiling and crack your egg on the side off the pan then drop it into the water. Leave it for two minutes then scoop it out with a spatula, letting any excess water drain off then put it on your toast. 
 

If you use one of them poachers like Tony has shown then it’s like shagging with a Johnny on. 
 

 

rs56_WgPkerWGVQmONDfCY8V-qcp-vbt4tmS7-0a

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3 minutes ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

rs56_WgPkerWGVQmONDfCY8V-qcp-vbt4tmS7-0a

I genuinely think you are cracking up like Jack Torrance lately. You’ve gone kamikaze 

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I've actually made this an art, a simple, idiot proof art.  Allow me to explain. 

 

Get the old, battered, no longer non-stick frying pan from the back of your cupboard.  It should, obviously, not be like a crepe pan, but have decent sides. 

 

Boil your kettle and fill the pan with about 3" of water, add salt. 

 

Reduce heat until the water is just short of a simmer.  No stirring, no making a tornado, no vinegar. 

 

Take the eggs which are at room temperature and gently crack them into the shallow water.  Put a large lid on top of the pan.  Cook until you shake the eggs and the white is firm but the yolks are not. 

 

Fish out with a slotted spoon or spatula and serve. 

 

Enjoy your perfect poached eggs and when your other half (seduced by the eggs) is going to town playing your meat clarinet and you're about to spaff your beans make sure you think "Thank You, Paulie Dangerously."

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15 minutes ago, Mudface said:

Amongst other kitchen equipment you might not be sure the name of, is the 'kettle'.

Why take 2 vessels into the kitchen? Simply pan 'n' boil. 

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4 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

I've actually made this an art, a simple, idiot proof art.  Allow me to explain. 

 

Get the old, battered, no longer non-stick frying pan from the back of your cupboard.  It should, obviously, not be like a crepe pan, but have decent sides. 

 

Boil your kettle and fill the pan with about 3" of water, add salt. 

 

Reduce heat until the water is just short of a simmer.  No stirring, no making a tornado, no vinegar. 

 

Take the eggs which are at room temperature and gently crack them into the shallow water.  Put a large lid on top of the pan.  Cook until you shake the eggs and the white is firm but the yolks are not. 

 

Fish out with a slotted spoon or spatula and serve. 

 

Enjoy your perfect poached eggs and when your other half (seduced by the eggs) is going to town playing your meat clarinet and you're about to spaff your beans make sure you think "Thank You, Paulie Dangerously."

Mine are better. 
 

why do people do that swirly thing? I’ve never done it. Seems pointless when my poached eggs come out with a blessing from God. 

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3 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Poached eggs are simple. Boil some water then pour into the pan. Turn the heat up.  Add a splash of vinegar. Keep it boiling and crack your egg on the side off the pan then drop it into the water. Leave it for two minutes then scoop it out with a spatula, letting any excess water drain off then put it on your toast. 
 

If you use one of them poachers like Tony has shown then it’s like shagging with a Johnny on. 
 

 

A spatula?? Don’t you mean a slotted spoon you’re not balancing slippy fucking poached eggs off a spatula.

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3 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

I've actually made this an art, a simple, idiot proof art.  Allow me to explain. 

 

Get the old, battered, no longer non-stick frying pan from the back of your cupboard.  It should, obviously, not be like a crepe pan, but have decent sides. 

 

Boil your kettle and fill the pan with about 3" of water, add salt. 

 

Reduce heat until the water is just short of a simmer.  No stirring, no making a tornado, no vinegar. 

 

Take the eggs which are at room temperature and gently crack them into the shallow water.  Put a large lid on top of the pan.  Cook until you shake the eggs and the white is firm but the yolks are not. 

 

Fish out with a slotted spoon or spatula and serve. 

 

Enjoy your perfect poached eggs and when your other half (seduced by the eggs) is going to town playing your meat clarinet and you're about to spaff your beans make sure you think "Thank You, Paulie Dangerously."

Again with the spatula?? And fucking inches? Who taught you this @stringvest

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1 hour ago, Audrey Witherspoon said:

A spatula?? Don’t you mean a slotted spoon you’re not balancing slippy fucking poached eggs off a spatula.

I'll slot yer maa's spoon if you carry on you fucking wham bar 

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13 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

I've actually made this an art, a simple, idiot proof art.  Allow me to explain. 

 

Get the old, battered, no longer non-stick frying pan from the back of your cupboard.  It should, obviously, not be like a crepe pan, but have decent sides. 

 

Boil your kettle and fill the pan with about 3" of water, add salt. 

 

Reduce heat until the water is just short of a simmer.  No stirring, no making a tornado, no vinegar. 

 

Take the eggs which are at room temperature and gently crack them into the shallow water.  Put a large lid on top of the pan.  Cook until you shake the eggs and the white is firm but the yolks are not. 

 

Fish out with a slotted spoon or spatula and serve. 

 

Enjoy your perfect poached eggs and when your other half (seduced by the eggs) is going to town playing your meat clarinet and you're about to spaff your beans make sure you think "Thank You, Paulie Dangerously."

Just a reminder for you about the time you followed my advice about slinging pesto and olives into an omelette.

 

I recently found a boss way of making fluffy omelettes, you separate the whites and yolks, whizz them up with an electric (preferably) whisk until the whites form peaks and the yolks have doubled in volume. Then gently fold the mixture together and cook in a frying pan on the lowest flame you can get with a lid on top. This style is great for adding fillings which get nicely sandwiched (naturally cheese is ideal for this) by the fluffy eggs. You can flip the omelette, grill it or fold it to finish it off and mark my words if she don't finish you off the omelette will have already done the job

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