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Premier League Round Up (Sep 15-17 2018)

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Chelsea needed to win by three goals against Cardiff to take top spot from us. They fell behind early and it was looking good for us (and Cardiff!) until Eden Hazard said “fuck this” and took Neil Warnock’s side to the cleaners.

 

Sol Bamba (better than Van Dijk, according to Warnock) missed a great chance from an early set-piece but Chelsea didn’t heed the warning and Bamba knocked one in from close range soon after. Gonna have to revise my statement on Cardiff never scoring any goals. I’ll rephrase it slightly. They won’t score any goals from open play between now and Christmas.

 

Their lead didn’t last long. Hazard equalised with a brilliant goal and then put Chelsea ahead seven minutes later with a shot that went in off Bamba (better than Van Dijk, remember). Chelsea’s third came from the penalty spot when Bamba (did I mention he’s better than Van Dijk?) lunged in and brought down Willian.

 

Hazard tucked away the pen to complete his hat-trick and then Willian curled in a brilliant fourth to ensure they ended the weekend in first place. Thanks for nothing, Cardiff. They’ve got City next, so I won’t be expecting any favours from them there either.

 

Warnock said afterwards “we were in it for for about 80 minutes…. but the best team by a mile won” and then he laughed. He’s playing with house money this season. He worked a miracle getting them promoted and if they stink, so what? It’s no reflection on him really, so that’s why he’s so relaxed.

 

Sarri wasn’t too happy though. He likes how Chelsea attack but thinks they need work at the back. He’s right, but if you play Sideshow Bob in a back four then you have to expect that, surely?

 

He’s a strange looking cat, Sarri, isn’t he? Just doesn’t look like a manager at all. He looks like Don Savastano from Gomorrah, with his oversized t-shirt, crew cut and glasses. Don’t get on his wrong side, I bet he’s fucking ruthless. 

 

Good result for Wilfried Palace at the weekend. Huddersfield probably shaded it on chances but Zaha was the difference between the sides, as he so often is. Take him out and Palace lose every fucking week. Put him in and they’re a top ten side.

 

His goal was fantastic and he’s got three already this season even though he’s missed time with a groin problem. 

 

He really went off on one afterwards about the lack of protection he gets from the officials. Maybe if he stops diving all over the fucking place like a Poundland Neymar refs would give him a little more benefit of the doubt? Just a thought.

 

There was a really bad tackle on him by Jorgensen early on which probably should have been a red, but then Zaha himself left one on a Huddersfield defender and was yellow carded so he’s lashing bricks in a greenhouse there.

 

I’m kicking Zaha to the kerb now. As of this week, he’s no longer my boy. 

 

 

This is just a teaser, click here to view the full article

 

Please note that PL Round Ups are only available to website subscribers. Subscriptions cost just £2 a month (you need to register first) and can be purchased here. 

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I'm pretty sure it was Tim Howard who scored with a wind-assisted punt that carried the opposition keeper and he didn't even celebrate because he felt bad for his fellow keeper. I respect that more than these twats sinking the boot in like Courtois and Pickford. 

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Dave has had more boys than Jimm...

 

Ahhhh forget it, the might of Dave's best lawyers would come down on me like a ton of bricks if I carried this on. 

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Great report Dave, had me chuckling a lot!

 

Couldn’t  agree more about Hughes, every time I see his face on Tv I say ‘miserable bastard ‘

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7 hours ago, A_S said:

I'm pretty sure it was Tim Howard who scored with a wind-assisted punt that carried the opposition keeper and he didn't even celebrate because he felt bad for his fellow keeper. I respect that more than these twats sinking the boot in like Courtois and Pickford. 

If memory serves, that was against our very own Adam Bogdan. Still though, fair play to fucking Tim, he basically said afterwards that it was a fluke bounce and a gust of wind and it could happen to anyone. Nowt wrong with a bit of modesty.

 

Courtois is the worst for violating the keeper's union, the lanky string of piss. You'd think he'd never made a mistake in his life the way he sneers about any other goalkeeper when he's asked, but he did once say he let a goal in because he's too tall. Wanker.

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Noticed you haven't included the Mancs vs Watford game in you're report Dave.  Any particular reason or have you genuinely forgotten they played......MOURINHO would be going RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT if he was a  subscriber  ....cheers 

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1 hour ago, dylstar said:

Noticed you haven't included the Mancs vs Watford game in you're report Dave.  Any particular reason or have you genuinely forgotten they played......MOURINHO would be going RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT if he was a  subscriber  ....cheers 

Haha what happened there was I obviously didn't watch it live, and because I knew they won I fast forwarded the highlights too, but completely forgot to make any reference to it at all.

 

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