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Section_31

Things that make you proud to be British

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Bill Bryson in Notes from a Small Island summed it up when he said the British are the only people who'd find fun sitting in the rain at the seaside eating fish and chips.

 

 

"Give two or more men in a pub the names of any two places in Britain and they can happily fill hours. Wherever it is you want to go, the consensus is generally that it’s just about possible as long as you scrupulously avoid Okehampton, the Hanger Lane gyratory system, central Oxford and the Severn Bridge westbound between the hours of 3 p.m. on Friday and 10 a.m. on Mondays, except bank holidays when you shouldn’t go anywhere at all. ‘Me, I don’t even walk to the corner shop on bank holidays,’ some little guy on the margins will chirp up proudly, as if by staying at home in Staines he has for years cannily avoided a notorious bottleneck at Scotch Corner.

Eventually, when the intricacies of B-roads, contraflow blackspots and good places to get a bacon sandwich have been discussed so thoroughly that your ears have begun to seep blood, one member of the party will turn to you and idly ask over a sip of beer when you were thinking of setting off. When this happens, you must never answer truthfully and say, in that kind of dopey way of yours, ‘Oh, I don’t know, about ten, I suppose,’ because they’ll all be off again.

‘Ten o’clock?’ one of them will say and try to back his head off his shoulders. ‘As in ten o’clock a.m.?’ He’ll make a face like someone who’s taken a cricket ball in the scrotum but doesn’t want to appear wimpy because his girlfriend is watching. ‘Well, it’s entirely up to you, of course, but personally if I was planning to be in Cornwall by three o’clock tomorrow, I’d have left yesterday.’

‘Yesterday?’ someone else will say, chortling softly at this misplaced optimism. ‘I think you’re forgetting, Colin, that it’s half-term in North Wiltshire and West Somerset this week. It’ll be murder between Swindon and Warminster. No, you want to have left a week last Tuesday.’

‘And there’s the Great West Steam Rally at Little Dribbling this weekend,’ somebody from across the room will add, strolling over to join you because it’s always pleasant to bring bad motoring news. ‘There’ll be 375,000 cars all converging on the Little Chef roundabout at Upton Dupton. We once spent eleven days in a tailback there, and that was just to get out of the car park. No, you want to have left when you were still in your mother’s womb, or preferably while you were spermatozoa, and even then you won’t find a parking space beyond Bodmin.’

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Our resolve against tyranny and evil to fight (at times alone) during 2 world wars.

That’s historical bollocks Carv, the Indians and Australians were present, to name just couple.

Listened to a good interview with someone recently who pointed out this falls into the legend of Churchill.

May have been under a British banner, but certainly not brits alone.

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Was going through an old newspaper from VJ day once and it said: "the local town council convened an emergency session to extend licensing hours from 11pm to 11.30pm, for one night only".

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All combovers are brilliant. " if I put these two strands here No one will notice the rest of my heads bald " and we lead the way here

Not sure which is worst,British combovers or US males fascination with bad wigs.

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Not sure which is worst,British combovers or US males fascination with bad wigs.

 

there's a bit of a preference for wigs from our brothers on the Indian sub continent, why they tend to opt for an auburn or red wig which sticks out a mile puzzles me, but always brings a smile.

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there's a bit of a preference for wigs from our brothers on the Indian sub continent, why they tend to opt for an auburn or red wig which sticks out a mile puzzles me, but always brings a smile.

Younger Indian kids really do seem to like their hair too despite the fact they live in tropical conditions and must sweat buckets every day.

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Football chants.

 

How the fuck else would you be able to get 54 thousand people of different races, gender, sexual orientation, politics and ages to sing songs with between 2-8 different verses?

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1 hour ago, Kevin D said:

Football chants.

 

How the fuck else would you be able to get 54 thousand people of different races, gender, sexual orientation, politics and ages to sing songs with between 2-8 different verses?

Ah, I saw this thread had been bumped and was sure it was going to be about Theresa’s Brexit Festival 

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-45697248

 

 

 

 

 

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On 9/9/2018 at 1:38 PM, Red_or_Dead said:

 

Proper eccentrics, thinking Stanley Unwin, Tom Baker rather than the Jimmy Savile, Jonathan King ilk

 

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On 9/10/2018 at 1:17 PM, Section_31 said:

Was going through an old newspaper from VJ day once and it said: "the local town council convened an emergency session to extend licensing hours from 11pm to 11.30pm, for one night only".

Ha, you can’t get more British than that

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