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Captain Turdseye

Prince Philip...

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Source?

 

I’ve got a pun for just this occasion.

Are you ready? I’m not making this up. My bird’s sister works with a woman whose Auntie works with the royals. This is serious ITK information. None of that Paulie D bullshit.

 

I googled it and there’s been a few favourable news articles posted about him in the last 24-48 hours and there’s some people saying it on Twitter as well, so it can’t be wrong.

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Are you ready? I’m not making this up. My bird’s sister works with a woman whose Auntie works with the royals. This is serious ITK information. None of that Paulie D bullshit.

 

I googled it and there’s been a few favourable news articles posted about him in the last 24-48 hours and there’s some people saying it on Twitter as well, so it can’t be wrong.

Mate, listen. I can’t use this pun willy-nilly. I get one chance.

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Ross McCafferty


Verified account

 

@RossMcCaff

 

Contrary to current rumours swirling about Twitter, am reliably informed Prince Philip is not yet dead


 

To clarify, when I say 'yet' I don't mean like he's dying imminently. Just like none of us are dead yet but we will all, inevitably, one day embrace the sweet release of death.

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Are you ready? I’m not making this up. My bird’s sister works with a woman whose Auntie works with the royals. This is serious ITK information. None of that Paulie D bullshit.

 

I googled it and there’s been a few favourable news articles posted about him in the last 24-48 hours and there’s some people saying it on Twitter as well, so it can’t be wrong.

 

Negged.  Ignore this hater.  Still salty I didn't let him on my ITK twitter account

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Nothing anywhere on t'internet. If he has pegged it even Buck House wouldn't be able to cover it up for long. The stench of the corpse would be smelt as far away as Watford.

 

Maybe the're waiting for Brenda to pop it as well so they can do a joint funeral to save money.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* not that the royals give a fuck about saving our money.

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The stench of the corpse would be smelt as far away as Watford.

Nothing in the air as yet

I'll keep you all informed in any changes

 

 

Why are the good taken to soon

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He's not dead. When he is, he's mine. And I'm sharpening my scythe.

 

And what I have planned for him.

 

[YouTube]

[/YouTube]

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"British women can't cook"
 
"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed" (during the 1981 recession).
 
"You are a woman, aren't you?" (in Kenya after accepting a small gift from a local woman).
 
"If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed" (to a group of British students during a royal visit to China).
 
"You can't have been here that long, you haven't got pot belly" (to a Briton he met in Hungary).
 
"Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (to a wealthy islander in the Cayman Islands).
 
"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test" (to a Scottish driving instructor).
 
"It looks as if it was put in by an Indian" (referring to an old-fashioned fuse box in a factory near Edinburgh).
 
"Still throwing spears?" (question put to an Aboriginal Australian during a visit).
 
"There's a lot of your family in tonight" (after looking at the name badge of businessman Atul Patel at a Palace reception for British Indians).
 
"The Philippines must be half-empty as you're all here running the NHS" (on meeting a Filipino nurse at Luton and Dunstable Hospital). 

 

Fake Showbiz News
 
@FakeShowbizNews
 
Prince Philip laughs off death rumours, telling reporters he’s “still got a few racial slurs to deliver” before he’s dead

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I'm glad I didn't waste my pun on this.

Protocol says that when he died, it had to be kept quiet until the BBC announce it at 8am tomorrow morning.

 

When I’m proved right on this, I’m keeping any further royal information to myself. So if you want the lowdown on what Princess Eugenie ordered from the chippy last Thursday, you’ll have to fuck off and find answers somewhere else.

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