Featured: That was the week that was (Feb 17-23 2018)

[tlw content]

 
Saturday Feb 17… 
 
Stevie made a throwaway comment on BT the other night about how he’d like to see Klopp sign ‘a monster’ to play in front of the back four to free up Hendo to play as a ‘box to box’ again. The name he mentioned as an example was Victor Wanyama. Lo and behold, a couple of days later and we’re being linked with a move for Wanyama. Sorry, but anyone who can’t get a game ahead of the fucking woeful Eric 'Dire' isn’t for me. Fuck Victor Wanyama and fuck anything to do with Spurs. 
 
Meanwhile, it’s all going off on West Brom’s Spanish training camp. Four players nicked a taxi at 5.30am and drove it back to their hotel. The identity of the four is the most shocking part though. If it had been James McLean and a few of the younger members of the squad I’d have just shrugged it off as ’typical lad’ behaviour. Young footy players on the piss acting like cunts when they’re abroad almost goes with the territory, but that’s not what this was. 
 
It was the arl fellas who did it! While McLean & co were tucked up in bed having stuck by their midnight curfew, the 30 somethings were living it up. Boaz Myhill, Johnny Evans, Jake Livermore (at 28 the baby of the group) and GARETH FUCKING BARRY were stealing a taxi!!!! Genuinely can’t get my head around this. It’s like that film 'Going in Style' when Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine decide to rob a bank before they die, only these dicks robbed a taxi before they retire. 
 
It's mad though. Outside of being a dirty cynical bastard on the field, Gareth Barry has never done anything wrong in his life. He’s the biggest fucking square in the league. Johnny Evans has always been a twat and got into some drink related incidents in his younger days, but Barry? He must be having a mid-life crisis as this is just fucking bizarre. 
 
I’m shaken by this, because as much as I hate Barry on the field, off the field he’s always seemed old school. Doesn’t have a stupid haircut, isn’t covered in daft tatts and has always been a great pro. What’s next, James Milner setting up an Instagram account and posting pictures of himself in the barbers and getting a sleeve tattoo? If that happens I’m done with footy, and maybe also with life. 
 
Staying with West Brom’s tour problems, reports claim that my mate Pards had his wallet and phone ‘stolen’ earlier in the week. Hmmmm. Stolen, eh? May I suggest the search should start in the nearest brass house? 
 
Sunday Feb 18…
 
Rochdale score a 93rd minute equaliser against Spurs to force a replay. Good. Any extra fixtures they have has to be helpful to us, and besides, this was justice after the cheating cunts dived their way to another fucking penalty. What bothers me more about them actually doing it is the way they’re being indulged by pundits. “There’s contact, it’s a penalty”. “He’s entitled to go down”. Fuck off. When are they going to get called out for what they are? Horrible, cheating pricks.
 
Saint fucking Deli seems to be able to act like as much of a cunt as he wants and the worst thing that’s ever said about him is “Oooh he can be a bit naughty can’t he?” or “He’s got an edge to his game”. No, he’s just a cunt, and he’s been indulged too much so continues to do it. We're entering "Ho ho ho wee Scholesey cannae tackle" territory with this shit.
 
If his manager reigned him in when he first started with this bollocks it wouldn’t be happening, but if anything he’s getting worse. He’s escaped at least three clear red cards this season but it will catch up with him eventually. 
 
I really hope this fucking dick does something stupid in the World Cup and causes England to get knocked out. Ideally he’ll get a yellow for kicking out at someone and then a second for a dive. And when it happens, watch how the worm turns with the pundits, who’ll all be bringing up examples of his past conduct and saying “the warning signs were there”. Fuck Deli Alli and fuck Spurs. 
 
Meanwhile, Hendo reveals that Milner has been boasting to the squad about how he’s got more CL assists this season than Neymar and Messi. “He has told a few of us that over the last couple of hours, to be fair!” said Hendo. Oh dear God, it’s starting. That instagram account is coming, and so is the sleeve tattoo and ear ring. Hold me. 
 

 

 

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[Jennings]

Ace!! Loving the rantage at Spurs the most.

[Razoray]

Great stuff as per. Can't believe you didn't use the free shot that is Pique's CB partner Umtiti.

[Paul]

Watched two minutes of that Ceballos on YouTube after reading this. I’m in!

[sir roger]

From my rudimentary school Spanish his name roughly translates as Danny Onions which is a little bit ' Lock. Stock ' , so I'm in.

[suzy]

Gad you said that about Gareth Barry - I couldn't believe it either!

Also nearly spat my drink out at too ugly Kane!!

[Dr Nowt]

Big Shexhy pulling a Firmino there, throwing his voice across a none-the-wiser Tadic to Lovren.

[A_S]

Great pic of Karius with Casillas. Even for a guy starting for a club as big as Liverpool, it must be a buzz meeting a legend of your own craft like that.

 

Could he be an option for Mig's replacement if a big money signing falls through?

[KMD7]

This is why I pay my sub, tremendous scenes.

 

"Wait, what the fuck is this? Harry Kane presenting an award at the Brits? This shit just isn’t right. Sorry, this might not be PC but it needs saying anyway. Harry Kane is too ugly to be a celebrity. You never had Peter Beardsley doing this shit, he was lucky if he even got to be on ‘A Question of Sport’, let alone walking on any red carpet. Barnes and Lineker got to do the cool celeb stuff because they had the faces for it. How have we reached the point where ugly bastards like Kane get to be on our screens for anything other than footy? Someone make it stop."
 

[Ipplfc]

Good stuff that,Bobby is defo a Harrods Suarez all day long

[shouter]

Teachers pet haha.

[King Emlyn]

A really good read, very funny, I’ve been saying the exact same shit about that boiled egg headed bastard Guardiola for ages now, cant stand him.

[King Emlyn]

Oh and that jumper is boss, could see me self in that

[Spy Bee]

I absolutely fucking love this feature. Without wanting to brown nose, you're a very funny writer Dave!

 

PS. I have never won a fridge magnet

[aws]

You're saying he's a funny guy? He's here to entertain you?

[Josef Svejk]

On Pep: he was pontificating about the democratic rights of Catalans the other day until one of the assembled journalists asked him about City's owners and his ambassadorial role for the Qatar World Cup bid.

 

The massive hypocrite...