Summer 2018 Transfer Thread

[cloggypop]

Off to open a Standard Chartered bank account

[dockers_strike]

I think that it was more the part about not taking him for free.

 

Oh yeah I forgot some willies here take every word literally and as absolutes. But to be honest he has had as many injuries as Sturridge and just about everyone wants Dan off the books. Morata just does not look suited to the PL to me. I will add the rider that it is only my opinion though. Just in case.

[Red House]

Those spanish journos make the british media reports look like Nature reviews.

[TheHowieLama]

 But to be honest he has had as many injuries as Sturridge and just about everyone wants Dan off the books..

 

He played near 50 games this last 12 months -- Sturridge hasn't played 50 games in three years.

 

He has also scored a fair few goals. Pisses on Sturridge there -- Morata may not be a player I covet but everyone wants Dan off the books.

[Thoth]

I definitely believe we're bidding £158m for a player.

I too am smacked off my tits and believe

[Captain Turdseye]

What. He has failed miserably in the league. OK I know people will say what about Mo then but Mo was banging them in in Serie A. Morata has looked like a fish out of water as well as being injured a lot. No way i would have him even on a free if I am honest.

Oh yeah I forgot some willies here take every word literally and as absolutes.

Fucking hell, you’re dim. Point out which bit you didn’t mean then, and explain how somebody could come to the conclusion that you didn’t actually mean it.

[Captain Turdseye]

Fucking hell, you’re dim.

I actually mean this if I am honest.

[Captain Turdseye]

[Strontium]

Peter's having a 'mare here.

[TheHowieLama]

Well in Albert.

[cloggypop]

You'd all like dockers more if he was called Pedro

[Captain Turdseye]

Peter’s gone quiet.

[Guest]

Luis Suarez could become the world’s best-paid player if he accepts the reported offer on the table from Chinese Super League side Hebei Fortune.

 

The CSL side have initiated contact with the agent of the former Liverpool man, with Don Balon claiming they will pay the Uruguayan a staggering €150million in wages over three seasons  – which equates to an unbelievable £839,000 a week.

 

In addition, it’s claimed the aptly-titled Fortune will also pay Barca their €90m asking price to secure the player’s signature – and beat the likes of Liverpool and Manchester City out of the water, with the Premier League duo also reported to be keen on the striker.

 

Now 31, Suarez has clocked up an impressive 152 goals and 84 assists in 198 appearances for Barcelona. While the player is happy at the Nou Camp, Don Balon claims he would find the lure of China impossible to resist given the astronomical wages on offer.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I'd get facial reconstructive surgery and impersonate Suarez for a few years to take them there wages. I'd eat arms whole for that money.

[Harry Squatter]

Why can't some Chinese club come in and offer us megabucks for Mignolet, Moreno, Markovic etc. Not even asking them to pay 90 million either. 9 million each would be great.

[Geoff Woade]

My brother married a girl from China so I went over for the wedding and stayed a while. It manages to be the best and shittest country at the same time. I was in constant awe of the flagrant way people there disregard rules, they’ll happily just stop in the fast lane of the motorway, get out and have a walk around, their alcohol consumption is off the chart and the food was incredible for unbelievably cheap prices. It seemed like heaven to me, I stayed in a massive hotel room in a luxury hotel for about 13 quid a night and basically struggled to spend any money of note.

After a few days though, the cracks appear, people gobbing up massive tennis balls of lung butter loudly and firing them 3 inches from where you’re standing, rats running lose in food shops, the absolute lack of any organisation whatsoever. This all pales in comparison though to the horror that occurs after 4 or 5 days, constant yellow diarrohea that gives you about 4 seconds warning before having a serious trouser accident. I still had it 2 weeks after getting back and they thought I had malaria.

 

In short - I can absolutely see why the players willingly go to play in China based on a quick visit but I can also see why they all try and cancel the contracts after a couple of months. It’s all well and good earning 900,000 a week but you can’t spend it if you have to be permanently welded to the bog.

[Anubis]

My brother married a girl from China so I went over for the wedding and stayed a while. It manages to be the best and shittest country at the same time. I was in constant awe of the flagrant way people there disregard rules, they’ll happily just stop in the fast lane of the motorway, get out and have a walk around, their alcohol consumption is off the chart and the food was incredible for unbelievably cheap prices. It seemed like heaven to me, I stayed in a massive hotel room in a luxury hotel for about 13 quid a night and basically struggled to spend any money of note.

After a few days though, the cracks appear, people gobbing up massive tennis balls of lung butter loudly and firing them 3 inches from where you’re standing, rats running lose in food shops, the absolute lack of any organisation whatsoever. This all pales in comparison though to the horror that occurs after 4 or 5 days, constant yellow diarrohea that gives you about 4 seconds warning before having a serious trouser accident. I still had it 2 weeks after getting back and they thought I had malaria.

 

In short - I can absolutely see why the players willingly go to play in China based on a quick visit but I can also see why they all try and cancel the contracts after a couple of months. It’s all well and good earning 900,000 a week but you can’t spend it if you have to be permanently welded to the bog.

See Hades, that's the kind of quality analysis you've been calling for.

[Harry Squatter]

It's similar to my thoughts on India

[Elite]

Its similar to my thoughts on Widnes.

[El Dangerous]

I never got over that KFC I had in Rhyl.

[Arl arse]

Reminds me of that time I had a kebab in Runcorn

[Geoff Woade]

See Hades, that's the kind of quality analysis you've been calling for.

After living there for a couple of years my brother is a complete goldmine for quality stories. The Vietnam ‘you weren’t there, man’ look on his face when he tells us about one of the times he ended up in hospital there with some sort of food poisoning. Normal ward but instead of the usual toilet facilities you’d expect to find, there was the classic hole in the ground squatter just in the corner of the ward, that his bed was right next to, with no curtain or privacy wall. He said he’d taught himself to cope but then a doctor came in, noisily used the ‘bog’ and then started to examine my brother without washing his hands.

[Anubis]

Fucking hell. That's China off the bucket list.

[Unrighteous]

My brother married a girl from China so I went over for the wedding and stayed a while. It manages to be the best and shittest country at the same time. I was in constant awe of the flagrant way people there disregard rules, they’ll happily just stop in the fast lane of the motorway, get out and have a walk around, their alcohol consumption is off the chart and the food was incredible for unbelievably cheap prices. It seemed like heaven to me, I stayed in a massive hotel room in a luxury hotel for about 13 quid a night and basically struggled to spend any money of note.

After a few days though, the cracks appear, people gobbing up massive tennis balls of lung butter loudly and firing them 3 inches from where you’re standing, rats running lose in food shops, the absolute lack of any organisation whatsoever. This all pales in comparison though to the horror that occurs after 4 or 5 days, constant yellow diarrohea that gives you about 4 seconds warning before having a serious trouser accident. I still had it 2 weeks after getting back and they thought I had malaria.

 

In short - I can absolutely see why the players willingly go to play in China based on a quick visit but I can also see why they all try and cancel the contracts after a couple of months. It’s all well and good earning 900,000 a week but you can’t spend it if you have to be permanently welded to the bog.

Lived there for six years. Never had the shits like you've described.

[Mcfaggen]

It's similar to my thoughts on India

In my three years living in India, I only had diarrhoea once. Admittedly it lasted for 2 years & 11 months...