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Premier League Round Up (Dec 23-28 2017)


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This is a great time of year for footy because the hectic fixture list usually causes some unpredictability in a league that is otherwise fairly predictable. Unfortunately nothing too much out of the ordinary has happened so far.

 

Mourinho again managed to escape criticism following poor results by somehow turning it into a discussion about Man City’s spending. Harry Kane went goal crazy with consecutive hat-tricks, City picked up six points without breaking sweat, as did Chelsea, but Fat Sam’s Everton are keeping clean sheets but couldn’t even score in a brothel at the moment. Wayne Rooney’s return should help with that though. Scoring goals I mean, not the brothel thing as that would be a low blow and I’m better than that. What? Fuck off, I am. 

 

Right, may as well dive straight into it then. City went ahead against Bournemouth through Aguero, but just what in the blue hell were Bournemouth doing passing it around in their own box like that? Begovic was the main culprit, instead of launching it he underhit a chipped a pass towards Ibe and it was intercepted. Five seconds later it was in the net. It’s hard enough against City without doing stupid shit like that. 

 

Sterling slotted his 16th of the season to make it 2-0, Aguero headed in for the third and Danilo wrapped it up with the fourth. The cheers for each goal were so half arsed though. It sounded like a testimonial, there’s no passion at all from that crowd. They’re by far the worst fans of any of the top six clubs - Arsenal seem like River Plate in comparison - but the whole set up there is manufactured and lacking any kind of authenticity. 

 

That increased their lead at the top as United dropped two points in hilarious fashion at ten man Leicester, giving an equaliser with literally the last kick of the game. Afterwards Mourinho called his players ‘childish’ in both penalty areas. He was actually right in everything he said, but saying it just makes him a twat. Klopp would never go after his own players like that, not would Wenger, Pochettino or Guardiola. Very few others would either. Moyes would, obviously. Hodgson probably would too. Other than that I’m struggling, because it’s a cunt’s trick. 

 

That Maguire equaliser was one of the best moments of the season, it was even better than the open goal that ‘Jesseh’ missed earlier in the game. Don’t expect to see that replayed as endlessly as poor old Ronny Rosenthal though. It was a worse miss but it’s a United player so I doubt we’ll ever see it again. 

 

Had Maguire not equalised I wouldn’t have seen it as it goes without saying I wouldn’t have watched the highlights otherwise. As soon as I heard about that last gasp goal I was counting down the minutes to MOTD, and it didn’t disappoint. Leicester’s first goal was fucking ace too though, as Mahrez and Vardy did what they do best. Outside of our lads there’s no finer sight in the Premier League than a Leicester counter attack. 

 

Mata scored twice to turn the game around and I’ve got to say it pisses me off big time whenever he does anything, as I just feel like Mourinho doesn’t deserve anything from the likeable little Spaniard because he doesn’t appreciate him. He’s like the loudmouth dickhead you always see down the boozer with the fit bird who he treats like shite. Mata left him once but has somehow found himself back in this unhealthy relationship. You just know all his mates are telling him to leave and never look back but he won’t listen. 

 

This is just a teaser, click here to view the full article

 

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